Significant other of an FTM advice please help me

[PotentiallyParanoid]

Long story short, I have an eating disorder but I am now being treated for the past two years and am doing much better. I have also had suicidal ideations, self-harm, depression and I suffer from a condition called dissociation. I have also been sexually abused as a child. I am a girl. I was transfered a couple of months ago to a Mental Health Hospital into a unit with only adolescents. There I met a boy and we are now together. He is an FTM. He is in my age group. I knew he was an FTM before I started to ''like'' him or decide to be with him. Please do not make any comments on "oh you're in a mental hospital blahblah you shouldn't be with someone from there blahblah." I have my mother for that thankyou very much. My problem is, that I love this boy very very much, I won't go on with all the romance crap. I doesn't matter to me what he is. He's human, he has a heart, a mind, a smile, everything, I love him, I love what's inside. I identify myself as straight, and I see him as a man. He's okay with this, that's what he wants. I told my mother first, she was more concerned about the fact that we're both in a mental hospital. (we are both doing very well and a close to being discharged) but I think it's because she isn't taking me seriously. Then, today I decided to tell my father. He wasn't mad, nor sad. He's worried. I don't blame him, I understand where he's coming from. He's worried that I will get hurt. That we will both get hurt. Because, he says if we pursue this, that later on we won't be able to satisfy each others' needs if you know what I mean. He says we won't be able to have sex, or children, or be happy and that we will just get hurt. He knows I get attached very easily, this is my first boyfriend too. He's asking me to question myself, to think twice, to not go on with this. In a way I see his point, but I can't I just can't. And now I'm torn, I've ****** up a lot and I've put my parents,especially my father, through a lot of burden already. I just don't see how I can have sex with someone, because of what happened when I was younger, I just don't care about sex, so to me it doesn't matter. But what if it does one day? I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I don't want to hurt my love interest. I don't want to hurt myself. Not again. I don't want to hurt my family. I'm confused.

[kyh]

I'm really in no position to give you any advice about this situation as I don't know what it's like.

I'll just say this, a girl and a trans guy *can* have kids, there are ways. If the desire is there, having kids will be no problem.

And sex doesn't have to be that complicated (or even important), there are ways around the fact that a trans guy (who has yet to get bottom surgery) hasn't got the genitals that a straight girl would prefer.

Besides, since you're both quite young, you don't really need to worry about those kinds of things.

[V M]

Hi PotentiallyParanoid 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here

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V M

[spacial]

PotentiallyParanoid

I was in a mental facilities from 16 to almost 18.

I had essentially the same experiences as you, belittling, being dismissed as paranoid, not capable.

Sadly, I stuck around too long and ended up loosing all my self confidence. When I did eventually walk away, I did walk, away for them all, Family, Drs the lot.

I'm now 57 years old. Been married, so far, 30+ years. Own my own home. No debts.

And you know something. the world can go sc**w itself.

I'm sorry for your background, but I'll bet you you get a far better response from those creeps when you talk about sexual abuse than when you talk about being beaten or undermined?

Just saying, get through this. If anyone tells you you are less than or can't or incapable or don't understand, smile nicely and walk.

Because whether we like it or not, sexual abuse is just an extreme form of domination. You were sexually abused for the same reason you were beaten or humiliated. Because your abusers were so inadequate they had to prove themselves on a child.

They are scum.

But you got through it. Now all you have to do is get past the psuedo sexual abusers who are running that mental health facility and walk.

[savannahbee]

There is no reason you couldn't have sex or have a child with an FTM, if that was something you desired in the future. Sure, it won't happen in the way that society tells you it should, but who cares? I have sex with my FTM boyfriend in lots of different ways, and they're all awesome. 

That said, I wouldn't worry too much about that stuff right now. It sounds like you're pretty young (teenager?), vulnerable, and in your very first relationship. The chances that this guy is going to be your "forever partner" are pretty slim, just statistically. And who knows what will happen once you are both released. My best advice for you is to enjoy the relationship right now and for however long it lasts. Parents are going to think they know better, regardless of whether or not there are mental health issues involved. Sometimes they're right, sometimes they're wrong. But if it's not going to be seriously physically or emotionally damaging, then we need to learn our own lessons. So follow your heart and be happy!

[Andy]

I agree with everyone that you should just go for it.....BUT!!!

<< I just don't care about sex, so to me it doesn't matter. But what if it does one day?>>

Two things to think about:  1. In a relationship sex is not just how you feel about, you have to factor in your boyfriend's feelings, too. And he will probably want to have sex! Just so you know, that aspect is really no problem with all the products on the market today, really a sort of non-issue (unless you want kids).

2. For many years I dated a woman who had been sexually abused as a child. I'm sure she had done a LOT of work on her own before I knew her to get over it, but I for one can say it in no way diminished her enthusiasm for sex as an adult!!
So you don't know how you'll feel later on down the line.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck! Take care of each other. 

[Starshaped]

Without wanting to repeat what others have said already...I think the best advice would be just to follow your heart. I wouldn't worry too much about the details and just let things flow. If it feels right to be with him then go for it.

And I would try and see the positive aspect of it...you have been to a Mental Health Clinic yes but you found love there who cares? Good luck