Jamie, you made me laugh with that last comment XD lol, those typo's...
QuoteWell, give them a little time. And when it seems appropriate, engage them. Remember, they have to learn to break their old habits.
Yeah, I do. But I'd expect them to AT LEAST say a bit more, like ask "So, what's up with this transgender business, eh?" So I could explain some basics, etc. I wouldn't expect them to swap pronouns and name right away, but what makes me feel worst is that they don't say ANYTHING. They just act as if I said NOTHING!
Quote
Wow Erik. I know you said you wrote them a letter/journal. Did they even read it? Did you give it to them face to face and actually tell them to read it? If they did read they have one of the wierdest reactions still wanting you to buy a dress. Keep us updated 'cause you have just entered the Twilight Zone.
Yes, they did. One replied first, saying she didn't know what to say in a comment and wanted to talk with me personally about it, the other agreed, saying something along the lines of "I can write a gibberish story of supporting you and such, but talking will be a lot better than just writing something. We'll meet tomorrow anyway, so we can then discuss it further"
So I REALLY expected them to say even ANYTHING. Every signal they gave was "We still are your friends, but would rather talk about this than write, let's do that tomorrow"
I was like "Okay, they don't say something right away, that's OK, give them some time." but they didn't say A THING the entire day. When we came to the subject of the graduation ball, and dropped that I hadn't gotten a dress yet, having a "I hate dresses" face, I HOPED they'd be like "Well, yeah, we understand. If you feel like a guy I'd be uncomfortable with that too!" (not even saying you ARE a guy, I don't yet ask that of them. Not yet) but they replied like "Well, get one quick then! Otherwise you can't go. Maybe you can borrow one from *name*?" And I was like "You girls are either REALLY stupid, or just ignoring what I wrote yesterday!"
It made me REALLY confused too! I don't think they did it to hurt me, but maybe they just didn't know how to handle the situation and went into 'ignore' mode???
And I'll certainly keep you people updated!
QuoteI havent told anyone besides my mum and my GP yet but the reaction has been the same as yours really. I expected to be asked about alot of things, instead its never really been mentioned despite saying they (she told my sis too) were completely supportive of it. I dont see how its supportive to completely ignore it and continue to use 'she' constantly. All it shows is they really dont get it. I dont understand whats hard about this. Saying nothing may be better than disowning you but I personally dont like it either as to me ignoring the issue is acting as if they dont care or just not interested in it. I didnt expect the right pronouns to be used right away but over 2 months on and everything is exactly the same as it was before I said a word. Sometimes I wonder if I actually said anything or I just imagined the whole thing. Just some acknowledgement would be nice, however small would mean so much to me but no.. I remember years ago my sis once saying to me she was hoping for a brother. I hoped with all this she would make some reference to that but she hasnt actually said a single word to me about it. All my mum has asked about is if I can get the surgery on the NHS and where I would need to go. Thats it. Of course Im glad they're not against me doing all this but some acknowledgement would be nice
Might just be a normal reaction in that the majority of people really dont get this and that clearly demonstrates it. So you're really a guy, hey you need to get a dress! What? Why is it so hard to get this through to people. I hope you can eventually get through to them and stop misgendering you. It might just take some time, I dont know what the problem is with people but suppose it needs to be spelled out to most of them that misgendering you after they have been told isnt right and to use the correct pronouns. Its a sign of respect if nothing else. I know its hard to speak up and say you dont want them calling you that. I specifically said in the email to my mum how much I hate it to be called the wrong thing but seems that was completely ignored. If you correct them and they still continue to do it then keep reminding them until they eventually get the message. Shouldnt be that difficult for a friend to do
It hurts, doesn't it...
People give you their support but very obviously they still don't "get" it and just carry on like nothing changed. I decided I'll come out to my parents just by plain old telling them, 'cause if I'm ready to tell them, I'm ready to talk about it, and to correct them if they 'get it wrong'.
Right now discussing it with people gives me way more stress than they could ever imagine, and getting called "she" while having explained them is even worse than being called "she" in pure ignorance. I would also constantly beat myself down for not saying anything about it being wrong, etc. While if you come out face-to-face, or AT LEAST give the person a letter while you're NEXT to them, they are kind of forced to talk about it, etc. and you avoid awkward situations like these.
Two of my friends I'm closer to, and they are generally more accepting, and I feel safe telling them things. I'm going to try to arrange a day to do something fun with those two, and then just tell them in person, also saying that it isn't nice to call me a girl, etc. and then later when I'm more comfortable with it, tell the others.
Well, we'll just see what will happen. Like I said, going to keep you posted.
