Dropping Hints

[girlnextdoor1985]

I've been dropping hints to my friends for the past few days. But I really don't think they're getting it. I've been singing to girl songs on the radio. Wearing pink shorts to bed once in a while. They know I'm bi at least.

[spacial]

Stop hinting perhaps?

[girlnextdoor1985]

Not sure how that helps.

[Andaya]

What do you want to achieve?  I can understand it might be nice to have someone just "get it" without having a talk but dropping hints can just lead to misunderstanding and mixed messages.

Do you want to tell them?  Are they close friends that you think would understand or at the least should know?  If so, it really is a good idea to come up with a plan for how to tell them openly.  If you need help on how to tell them, perhaps tell us a little more about your situation and what kind of relationship you have with them.  There are oodles of people on here willing to give advice, just ask

[girlnextdoor1985]

Basically I have a very good relationship with htem. They're like my brother and sister. They've always been there for me when I've needed them. I mean I was homeless for a few weeks until I came back to Minnesota and they took me in. But I'm not really sure how they would it. I do want to tell them. But just not sure how to go about doing it.

[Anna++]

I see you're learning the first lesson about being transgender:  cis-people are oblivious.  You can hint as much as you want, but normal people won't even THINK that you're trans.

[girlnextdoor1985]

I noticed that. That's why I need advice on how to tell them straight out. Or at least slide into the conversation.

[Tristan]

I see. They sound like they will stick by you no matter whatS mean like you said you were homeless and they took you in. I would just say it to them all blunt like just to get it out then explain it when they say what? Or ok I knew it ?

[Tristan]

Or you can do like the guy from the Big Bang theory did and just work it into a conversation all low key like, as a gay man I try hard" he said something like that and then just moved right on to the topic like a news forecaster would do

[girlnextdoor1985]

Thank you. Appericate the advice.

[Ltl89]

If they really are understanding and supportive, you might as well tell them.  If I had a "guy" friend who wore pink shorts and sung female pop songs, I would assume he was gay instead of transgender.  The hints you drop may fly over their heads because people rarely assume someone is transgender unless they are in the beginnings or middle of transitioning.  Even then there is some leeway.

[Nov413]

Yeah, telling people straight away is best. Regardless of what is common thought, people usually give you the benefit of the doubt.

[Jennygirl]

When the moment is right, you will know. Just wait for it, it will come and it is worth waiting for the right time. Makes all the difference.

[E-Brennan]

Agreed to all of the above. When you start dropping hints - verbally, clothing choices, whatever - people will assume that you are gay.

I've experienced the same thing at work.  I've really softened my appearance and posture, I smile more, I try to wear androgynous clothing, I'm more relaxed and open.  But I can see that behind people's eyes, they're thinking that I'm just perhaps a bit gay.

I mean, that's the most logical conclusion.  Gay is on people's radar, but trans is just so far out there to most people that it just doesn't register.  It looks like gay to them.

My advice is (which I need to take too) is to stop hinting. Just be yourself, don't try to involve other people until you're ready to let someone know exactly what is going on.  That time will come.  Hinting will just lead to confusion for everybody involved.  That doesn't mean that you have to hide who you're becoming - just don't go to any extra effort to drop hints.

[Jess42]

If you would rather just them to bring it up, keep going farther and eventually they will notice and ask you. Eventually curiosity will get to them.

[Erik Ezrin]

I agree with all these people, really. Especially for MtF's, as "gay" is a far bigger "thing" than "lesbian" (I NEVER got called a lesbian a SINGLE time, and I have been like the tomboy king of all tomboys all my life, lol (and then eventually finding out that the 'tom' part is wrong, lol!))
Sometimes I think my parents just cannot NOT know, as it's just so obvious to me. But they don't even think I might be les, they think I'm a straight totally normal cisgirl. Ahem, wot? Are you guys really blind or something!? (just head-deep into denial I guess...)

Anyway, what I meant to say with that; drop hints what you like, but 99% of the time people don't get them. Just be yourself, and when you're ready TELL them!
Good luck!

[GabbyC]

Hi girlnextdoor1985,

Sounds to me your about ready to tell, at least your close friends, and perhaps they deserve to know. The trick, as you say, is how? Your friends haven't picked up on the hints, which means they're not taking the lead, which is what you maybe want. Have you tried low waist girly trousers with high waist knickers. That would not be a hint, more of a signal to ask.

If you haven't done so already get out there and tell them. I did it about three weeks ago, not with trousers and knickers, just words, I waited and wasted many many years. Whatever the response at least you'll have got it out, and it is a big (massive) relief. And it sounds like they'll be extremely supportive, which is even better.

GabbyC

[aleon515]

I see you're learning the first lesson about being transgender:  cis-people are oblivious.  You can hint as much as you want, but normal people won't even THINK that you're trans.

That's right, because I think pretty much only trans people really think that much about gender. I started dressing *completely* male, nothing I wear is at all female; I changed my name to a gender neutral name; etc. NOBODY guessed. When I told people, they knew enough about it that I didn't have to explain much, but they were like "well that explains stuff". I'm sure it did. MOst of my friends were very supportive, but I don't know if that is a similar experience to what MTFs experience.

I'm FTM, but I think this is a universal for trans people.

--Jay

[CallMeJess]

I drop hints constantly because I know that cis people will never suspect it so really I just get to have fun with them