Beginning to hate it

[Riley Skye]

Well I never really liked my penis, and have always been embarrassed of its very existence. I've never identified with it but I was simply able to begrudgingly tolerate it over the years. Even though it was a part of me physically, emotionally it was never really a part of me. To be honest I simply never liked it. Well since starting hormones I've been growing more and more detached from it to the point where I'm now beginning to hate my penis and just wanting it off as soon as possible. I know it's another two years before I can have sex reassignment surgery but I'm starting to have trouble simply dealing with it, I just really could not care less about it anymore.

[Devlyn]

Pretty straightforward, before HRT you didn't want it whacked off, and now you do want it whacked off!  Hugs, Devlyn

[sam79]

Much the same for me. SRS cannot come soon enough, even though it's ~2 years off as well.

I just ignore that part, and try to avoid looking at it as best I can. That's about the best I can do. Seems it's getting the hint too... as of the last week, it doesn't operate any more, and everything is shrinking!

[kariann330]

I feel the exact same way. If its possible i would love to have an epidural so as the doctor makes the first cut i can say "bye bye" to that thing....then they can knock me out lol.

[Beth Andrea]

While I understand the sentiment, I'd suggest not dwelling on it too much. Two years will seem like a VERY long time if you're constantly thinking about "it".

Tuck and roll, tuck and roll...out of sight, out of mind. There's a soap commercial that talks about one's "2000 body parts"....focus on the other 1999 1997 that don't offend.

[Riley Skye]

As of now I just do my best to ignore it and just trying not to really think about it. Two years is just really to long for me to dwell and stress on. As of now I'm just trying to keep it tucked for as long as I can stand it, still getting used to it. But eventually I will get the SRS and will be able to feel complete.

[Jamie D]

Well I never really liked my penis, and have always been embarrassed of its very existence. I've never identified with it but I was simply able to begrudgingly tolerate it over the years. Even though it was a part of me physically, emotionally it was never really a part of me. To be honest I simply never liked it. Well since starting hormones I've been growing more and more detached from it to the point where I'm now beginning to hate my penis and just wanting it off as soon as possible. I know it's another two years before I can have sex reassignment surgery but I'm starting to have trouble simply dealing with it, I just really could not care less about it anymore.

Julia, think of it this way ... your penis is roughly homologous with a female vagina and clitoris, in terms of the tissues from which they were formed.  It just has been inverted.  That can be corrected.

[Riley Skye]

Julia, think of it this way ... your penis is roughly homologous with a female vagina and clitoris, in terms of the tissues from which they were formed.  It just has been inverted.  That can be corrected.

Yes I know, and it can easily be for me which will be fortunate, I know it's a couple years away but im quite excited at the prospect. To be honest I had no clue that I could actually become a woman through hormones and SRS.

[Jenna Marie]

I had the same sort of reaction; at first I didn't mind my penis (and for years and years before transition I actively liked it), but the longer I was on HRT and the more the rest of my body aligned with what my mind expected to be there... the more it stood out as the one thing that was still just WRONG. I wasn't expecting that.

I had to wait about three years from the start of transition for GRS, too, so you have my sympathy. About a year post-op now and it was definitely worth it.

[lorena]

I kind of know what you mean....the more I confront my feelings, the more I hate it (nothing like having a reminder of what is wrong between your legs). Transitioning takes time,like everything else in live. And I know that the wait is important (transition is not something you want to get wrong)....and remember, no matter how much we hate the "thing", we will all need it at the time of the surgery (may sound like an irony, I just see is a an opportunity to be born again, like the phenix...)

[FrancisAnn]

Your feelings are normal so just try & relax & remember that the extra skin will be necessary to create a nice vagina one day.

I've also hated all that stuff between my legs my entire life really. It's always looked so wrong & out of place. I normally tuck away the little round things so I can have a normal appearance in tight jeans or shorts. It seems to help mentally to just forget them however it will a great day with all that extra skin is used to creat a nice vagina. Being back on a decent level of HRT sure is nice, the things are finally getting smaller so it's easier to have a normal appearance.

Thanks for the posting by all girl friends. Good luck.

[Northern Jane]

I remember feeling that way, from about age 8 (when I realized it was the root of all my problems and wasn't going to go away on its own) until age 24 (when SRS first became available). I was at SERIOUS risk of self-mutilation through my teens and would have done it but I couldn't figure out how to do it without bleeding to death. I would rather have had nothing and been smooth (like Barbie) than to put up with that ugly growth! I had a real HATE on for that appendage!!!! (My doctor knew it to. That's why, when SRS became available, I was gone in a matter of months!)

[FrancisAnn]

I remember feeling that way, from about age 8 (when I realized it was the root of all my problems and wasn't going to go away on its own) until age 24 (when SRS first became available). I was at SERIOUS risk of self-mutilation through my teens and would have done it but I couldn't figure out how to do it without bleeding to death. I would rather have had nothing and been smooth (like Barbie) than to put up with that ugly growth! I had a real HATE on for that appendage!!!! (My doctor knew it to. That's why, when SRS became available, I was gone in a matter of months!)

Jane, great for you. You were so much smarter than I was early in life. I knew it was wrong & so did my mother, we met with some doctors however they all just said it's a stage of life & "he" will grow out of it so nothing happened. For whatever reason I had to live with them even though hating them every minute. 

[xchristine]

Oh yes...
I hate it..
I am embarrassef to be looked at by a man in panties
Or naked face on..
Embarrassed. ..ashamed...insufficient...inferior...

Basically I'm paralyzed sexually emotionally .and maybe
In other ways..and finally finally..I can see some light
And the end

[suzifrommd]

Can't say I hate it. It has provided me enjoyment and produced two great kids.

But I definitely hate NOT having a vagina, if that makes any sense.

[King Malachite]

I can't say I understand exactly what you're going through but I do offer you a lot of HUGS.

[Riley Skye]

Thanks, I've been learning lately just to ignore it and with the diminishing of my T it's getting much easier as I'm just tucking it and at least it's all smooth in appearance

[Olivia-Anne]

Can't say I hate it. It has provided me enjoyment and produced two great kids.

But I definitely hate NOT having a vagina, if that makes any sense.

This ^ ...I don't necessarily hate it. Kind of indifferent really. BUT I HATE not having what is supposed to be there. Now that I have been on HRT for a little while and I am dressing as myself a lot more. It is kinda just in the way now and a huge hassel. I would equate it to having a wart on my nose. Its not hurting anything but its gotta go.

<3 Liv