when i ask out girls should i tell them i'm trans

[Lilyyy]

There's this girl, Crystal, at my school and i absolutely adore her. she does not. i ask her out lots and i want to be hers. she doesn't like me. she goes for big tough masculine boys a few years older than us. none of the girls like me. they say i'm to feminine and criticise me when i do 'girl things' they reckon i should date boys because they may treat me likethe girlfriend (no one knows i'm trans except for my teachers though). the thing is i really want a girlfriend. i am bisexual and i like girl so much - in a lesbian way. i ask questions on yahoo and heaps of girls, some of who are complete lesbian say they's date me but they live in USA or Northern Europe. Should I not bother with starit girls and just go for bi/lesbian/pansexual ones? thanks

[Horizon]

I wouldn't recommend dating straight girls when you know you want to fully transition.  Some may accept it, but most will feel you've been stringing them along, especially if you discovered your true gender before approaching them.

[Jess42]

I was kind of in the same boat as you something like 30 someodd years ago. The key is that you have to act like a guy about some things if you want the girls. I was more of a lesbian because there were very very few guys that I was attracted to. I did better than a lot of the guys did. I really think they liked it because as far as they knew I was a pretty boy that could also be their friend too and connect with them on deeper levels. I played in a band and wore the femme makeup, wore wild clothing and could also make big hair. I never told them I was trans because It didn't come up and at that age wasn't serious about longterm relationships. If you do start HRT you might want to mention something before they notice the changes though.

[Tristan]

Yeah if your still in grade school  and not in university yet this will end badly. You never want to put fuel in the fire, especially when it comes to teenagers who act way,,, before they think. If gets dangerous

[Emily Aster]

What they said and don't try so hard. It's one thing to ask someone out, they say no, and you try something spectacular to change their mind. When you keep after them when they've repeatedly said no, it comes off as creepy instead of interested. It sounds like she's more into the public image than the person from the way you described her anyway. That's a school age thing and most people outgrow it by college. The guys she's dating now most likely will not be the ones that she's actually interested in after she graduates and likewise the women you're interested in now probably won't hold a candle to the ones you go after when you graduate.

My advice for your age range would be to focus more on the women in your own circle of friends. You already know they take you for you and you already know they like the same types of things you do. Relationships are a lot easier when you're just being yourself instead of trying to fit a mold that you think the other person wants.

[Ltl89]

To be honest, dating prior to transitioning can be a little complicated.  If you are looking for something serious, it will be hard.  If you want to date while being open about your plans on transitioning, I would think you should avoid going for the straight girls.  It may prove more challenging and you may get hurt in the short term.  Wishing you well.

[Joanna Dark]

Given that it seems like you have just come to this trans revelation, you should prob take a little time for yourself and figure out who you are as a person before you consider dating. You're young. Just have fun, make friends, enjoy the summer, find your style, read a great book, jump into a pond, dance in the moonlight. But date? Just wait. Dating is a lot of agony and heartbreak and there is really no need to rush into it. I wish I could rush out of it lol

Hypocrisy alert: as poster is typing this he gets giddy from text from BF lol

[Corwynn Jade]

They are all right, but the way you are presenting yourself and other related things make a difference in whether you being trans even really matters right now. Don't wear yourself out chasing a girl who doesn't have an interest, but if you do find someone who is interested, there is no harm in dating a bit. Just be honest and respectful if things wind up advancing with anyone. There is a point in time when a girl would have a right to know (this would be after a relationship looks like it could be long term), but by that time it will be easier for someone to process, and if they can't accept it, they will probably respect you enough to at least have a civil separation and keep things between the two of you.