Do/have you ever second guess yourself after coming out?

[Jean24]

I second guess just about everything just so that I have thought it through. Coming out is no different, for me at least. I feel conflicted even though I have been honest with myself and others for the first time about my long held feelings. I would say that I'm about 85% sure of myself. There is also a smaller piece of me in the back of my mind saying "Are you sure?" or "So what if you have some feelings, do you think they are strong enough to justify identifying as transsexual? Transitioning? HRT? FFS? SRS?" I know these are questions for a professional but I'm having trouble seeing a specialist because the local LGBT center only has 1. I'm still really new to all of this and... I just don't know sometimes . I think I have thought of a few more questions, thanks for your answers everyone!
-So did you ever second guess yourself?
-How far have you transitioned?
-Any other bits of advise for me?

[Heather]

Yeah I second guess myself all the time. If I wasn't second guessing myself I would figure something was wrong. Because I second guess every decision I make. But your at the beginning stages and a good therapist would be beneficial to help get you through these doubts you have to make sure your making the right decision for yourself.

[BunnyBee]

I do not second guess anything, but I would not recommend taking the path I took to having such self-assurance.  Waiting till I was so broken and hopeless that I was inches from ending it all was the lesson which taught me there is NOTHING for me in that other direction but the edge and the abyss beyond it..  I have NO reason to turn and go back toward it.

P.S. Second guessing myself is exactly how I got my toes over the edge like that.

[Jamie D]

Gene, you know it is pretty common to second-guess the path you are taking.  That's because you are facing an uncertain future.  But it is also a good idea to congratulate yourself for finding the right direction.  It's not easy.  Some of us wasted years and decades lying to ourselves.  As I see it, you are ahead of the game.

[Tristan]

Yeah I second guess myself about transition and everything else I do. But I have been told that its normal to somewhat second guess your decisions.

[Jess42]

1-So did you ever second guess yourself?
2-How far have you transitioned?
3-Any other bits of advise for me?

1. It's natural for second guessing decisions especially when it comes to major life changes and transitioning is probably about the biggest change we can make. So yes on that one.

2. More and more everyday acording to my level of confidence and how comfortable I am without feeling paranoid. This is just me and I also have to get in a pool a little bit at a time too.

3. Keep second guessing because it's a good way to figure yourself out before therapy becomes involved if it already isn't. You'll already have a lot of answers for questions from the therapist.

[Mollie]

I go through major panics, often when I've just been thinking how clear I am about what I want to do; what direction I want to go. I'm hoping when I start hrt (and the letter wasn't in the post today.....AGAIN!) these phases will be eradicated or at least suppressed just a bit.

[StellaB]

Often after coming out we are under tremendous pressure and feel vulnerable on many fronts.

However I feel it's important to be aware of this pressure and not to succumb to it or let it influence our decisions.

Also I'd be careful of looking at the bigger picture. Bigger pictures are often scary to look at. I find transitioning is easier when I stick to the here and now and concentrate on the more immediate stuff.

As for the rest? Time. Second guesses and doubts are just one half of a coin. Flip it over and you should find faith.

[Nero]

Not sure 'second-guess' is the right phrase for me. But yes, I have wondered at times. I'm much more comfortable, but there are things I miss about my life as female. Sex isn't as simple; I have to disclose. That's probably the main thing. And I'm not thrilled about some male social constraints. But I think a lot of cis men aren't either.

Sometimes I wonder why I couldn't have just been happy as a masculine woman. There are women out there way more butch than me, why did I have to transition?

[Ltl89]

To be honest, I have not second guessed my transition.  I do, however, second guess my coming out.  I just wish things had gone better with my mom.  She seems to be in a state of shock and can't accept anything.  I realize that's normal, but I wish I had waited further into hormones to tell her.  I don't know.

[Tessa James]

Like Jen I would not recommend my course of waiting so long to come out and also like Jen I do not second guess my very public coming out.  Many transitioning people experience the need to repeatedly explain their decisions to others.  I have found that my very public roles and front page newspaper coming out article have actually helped this community understand my personal decision and assist me and other trans people in full integration.  We cannot know our future with certainty and careful self examination need not result in endless procrastination.  Enjoy what choices we have and the feelings we experience on the journey forward.

Tessa James

[Jam]

-So did you ever second guess yourself?

Yes but on purpose. One day I was made aware that I didn't have to be a girl, that I could be the boy I felt I should have been, and a week later I'd told my sister I felt I should be a boy and I was at my Doctors asking for a referral to a gender clinic.
So yes I did 2nd guess myself because I was steaming ahead with something I'd only just heard about and I felt, even though I was 99% certain I was doing the right thing, that I just needed to step back and question it. However I always had to force myself to question it, the only downsides I could come up with were it would be easier not to and my family and friends might disown me.

-How far have you transitioned?

I am 1 year 4 months on testosterone, 5 months post op on top surgery and having my first opinion for bottom surgery next week.

-Any other bits of advise for me?

The way I figured it out was by asking myself some questions:

Could I see myself growing into an old women or old man? 
Could I see myself possibly being a mother or a father?
If everyone was fine with trans people, if my whole family and friends were guareenteed to be accepting, would I transition?
If I never transitioned in 30 years did I think I would regret it?
If I could go back in time and choose to be born a boy or a girl which one would I choose?

[BunnyBee]

L2L, I just feel like there would not have been a better way or time to tell her.  Some people are disposed to being accepting, some are not.   Be patient with people that aren't, because often they get behind you eventually.

With family, so many things can be running through their minds, if you put yourself in their shoes, not the least of which is that they feel they are going to lose their son/brother. Like, that person they love is going stop existing.  In a lot of ways they are right about that.  Not just in the sense that the person they love is not real and doesn't actually exist, but also in the sense that transition will change you on a very fundamental level, to the point that you will look back on your old self and not even recognize that person.  That is one reason they resist, they are fighting for their son's life, in a way.  You have to give them time to realize this is not something they can stop, and then give them time to grieve.  Just remember that one of the steps in the grieving process is acceptance, and your fam will get there if they love you.  Be there for them the best you can, even though it is so hard and how they deal with things HURTS you.

I know how hard it is, and I still struggle with getting my family to accept things sometimes, but it has gotten so much better.

[Northern Jane]

Well I never "came out" because I was always out, right  from childhood, and I had no reservations about starting HRT at 17 but I agonized over whether or not I was sure enough to have surgery (if it had been available) until my life had been hanging by thread for a few years. When surgery became available (age 24) there was not a shred of doubt in my mind. I told the anesthesiologist that if they didn't do the surgery, then don't bother waking me up! (Of course they couldn't do that but it would have saved me the bother.)

39.5 years now and never any regrets - just wish I had been born 55 years later so I could have done it sooner!