Self-satisfied smirks?

[suzifrommd]

Do other girls get self-satisfied smirks from passers-by?

I've gotten three or four of these in the past few days. I've just started fulltime so my presentation is getting more public exposure.

The only way I can read them is that I've been clocked and the clockers are pleased with themselves like they would be if they just solved a puzzle. I can't imagine that admiring stares (I have a decent body and I deemphasize my face), someone thinking I look peculiar, or a routine people-watcher would have that reaction.

I suppose I should be honored that my passability demands sufficient attention to penetrate that onlookers are proud of themselves when they penetrate it. If I were a better person, I'd delight in the fact I was able to help them feel good about themselves.

But frankly, I find those looks unnerving.

Is there another way I should be reading these?

[Joanna Dark]

Maybe you're misreading smiles as smirks? I get smiled at now. But they are pleasent "hey how ya doin'" smiles not smirks. Some women tend to send a warm smile my way if we catch eyes. Though most women just ignore me. Guys def have a more sinister smile and sometimes guys in cars have this whole "i wanna eat you" smile.

I guess I could be getting clocked and I have it all wrong I'm not sure. But it's not like I have a really girly girl presentation it's more just a casual girl presentation. I haven't been dressing as andro lately. The only thing I hate is when i have to show my ID and then I get weird looks but when it's a woman they are just like "really this is you sweetie." But it's never mean or anything. I haven't had one bad incident unless you count my one acquaintance but that was more alarm at the fact I look like a girl.

Are you sure you are being clocked?

[Beth Andrea]

I usually read those faces as "yeah, he's trying to be a woman...", much like a pro singer might smirk at a 3rd grade recital.

Oh well, it's easy to be a spectator, less so if one is "in the arena." (referencing Teddy Roosevelt's famous poem)

While I was searching for an appropriate poster, I came across this page, and it's worth reading.

[Nero]

Hmm. Like Joanna said, I wonder if it's possible you're just getting more smiles. Women get smiled at a lot more. Maybe since you're not used to it, it seems like smirking. I hope so anyway. 
If someone is seriously smirking out of pride that they figured out the riddle of your birth sex, I'd be concerned for them.

[Bastian]

It could be that they have figured it out, but that they are also trying (poorly) to give you approval. I remember the first time I say a trans-woman. I figured it out right away and what I meant to do was give her a supportive little smile, but I was so surprised (understand I'd gone 18 years living in the same city, walking in the same area and never seen another trans individual) it probably came off looking a bit weird. Now when I see someone, and I can tell I just give them a little smile. So really it could be that people are figuring you out, and what they meant to do is smile at you but the surprise sort of ruined the outcome. Don't take it to heart. If anything you can feel glad that they realized, but then went on with their lives, instead of being rude.

Also, what the others have said could also be true. Ladies just get smiled at more. It was a bit weird to me being an ftm because people stopped smiling at me and conversations with men suddenly became much shorter, which was very different than what I was used to!

I don't think you should view the look as them criticizing you. Honestly we see so many people, so fleetingly every single day that I would be surprised if someone even paid that much mind (unless you really aren't passing yet, in which case just give it time). My gender when i'm wearing casual clothing is so bloody ambiguous right now but people don't look at me and go "What on earth is your gender!?" instead their brains will immediately snap to a decision, usually based on the situation in which they've seen me. At the archery range I get clocked as male 100%. at EB Games, male. I'll usually get 'ma'am' if i'm hanging out with some of my female friends.

Sorry that turned into a rant. Essentially my point is i've learned that people just don't care enough really to judge your presented gender. If they know and are aware of the trans community (more so than just knowing it's the T in LGBT) they may question your gender, but in most circumstances their brains have already determined which gender you are and have moved on. So I wouldn't worry too much, chances are everyone's just smiling at you =)

[barbie]

In the street, aged men tend to stare at me while young men tend to smile at me. Yes. Aged men here are lustful, but young men tend to be frank and take care of young ladies.

Another interesting thing is that some young women seem to regard me as their competitor. Once in a restaurant, the working girl there was very blunt to me and stared fiercely. Once she heard my low voice, she suddenly made a big smile and become very kind to me.

barbie~~

[StellaB]

It's hard to say sometimes because you're often dealing with strangers about who you've got zero knowledge when it comes to emotions and reactions - here I guess it's pretty much even.

Being clocked is an inevitable part of being trans because some people are very perceptive, some just intuitive, and sometimes its just a brief moment in a situation which is enough to give you away or even just a momentary lapse in body language.

That's not what is important. What's important is what happens next. Quite often when you do get clocked people just move on or even you get a positive reaction, a smile for example. I'd just smile back.

[peky]

In the street, aged men tend to stare at me while young men tend to smile at me. Yes. Aged men here are lustful, but young men tend to be frank and take care of young ladies.

Another interesting thing is that some young women seem to regard me as their competitor. Once in a restaurant, the working girl there was very blunt to me and stared fiercely. Once she heard my low voice, she suddenly made a big smile and become very kind to me.

barbie~~

I think that these attitudes ^^^ transcend cultures...LOL

Being tall help...at least it does in my case....I have a very self assured and confident posture and attitude...perhaps for having been played the alpha-male role so long....now of course I am an alpha-bitch...so, when people look at me I think they are smiling I think they are admiring my poise and beauty...LOL

...smirks, steers, and bad remarks are never tolerated and always result in verbal corrections and/or a promises of getting: a police call, a do better talk with the manger, or a response in kind shall violence ensue

[suzifrommd]

Maybe you're misreading smiles as smirks? I get smiled at now. But they are pleasent "hey how ya doin'" smiles not smirks.

Hmm. Like Joanna said, I wonder if it's possible you're just getting more smiles.

In the street, aged men tend to stare at me while young men tend to smile at me.

Don't worry, I do get my share of warm smiles. (I love 'em. They're like a drug. I NEVER got them as a good looking man.)

What I'm talking about are smirks. Very different. They're not making eye contact, they're looking away or looking past me. They're not communicating anything to me. The eye contact tells a different story.

I usually read those faces as "yeah, he's trying to be a woman...", much like a pro singer might smirk at a 3rd grade recital.

An interesting thought. If I saw a glimmer of contempt, I might go that way. But I'm not seeing that. It's like they're sharing a private, good-natured joke with themselves.

It could be that they have figured it out, but that they are also trying (poorly) to give you approval.

This is definitely the most charitable reading. Maybe I should just assume this and adjust my self-talk accordingly. Would help keep me from being disconcerted by it.

That's not what is important. What's important is what happens next. Quite often when you do get clocked people just move on or even you get a positive reaction, a smile for example. I'd just smile back.

I do get that too. I don't mind it at all.

If people look at me I always smile back, regardless of whether their expression is contemptuous, pleasant, curious, or confused.

If someone is seriously smirking out of pride that they figured out the riddle of your birth sex, I'd be concerned for them.

Well, that's kind of why I posted here. It is really puzzling - a reaction I have trouble understanding. I usually am pretty good at figuring out what makes people tick (even though I'm universally clueless at presenting myself or influencing people), but this just seems strange.

[Dahlia]

I think I get what you mean by this kind of smirks....it's a message of something like 'hey, you didn't fool me'...

On the other hand...sometimes I sense a young (adolescent) boy or a man is looking at me...and get a big,wide,  warm and radiant smile when I look to see what's going on.

Women sometimes smile at me while passing by, but that's often something like a silent greet or meant as reassuring.

[JoanneB]

While I do believe I pass enough to get by, in rural WV any too long or lingering look started sending those same old cold chills up my back that I had in my 20's. I have to remind myself that I am lean 6ft tall woman in a nice dress and heels in a land of 5'6" 250 pounders in way too tight jeans. Yeah... I might get a few looks but who knows why for sure?

My basic philosophy is if there aren't any stones or worse being tossed in my general direction just keep holding your head high, smile and exude confidence like you were born a woman.... which btw we were

[barbie]

Don't worry, I do get my share of warm smiles. (I love 'em. They're like a drug. I NEVER got them as a good looking man.)

What I'm talking about are smirks. Very different. They're not making eye contact, they're looking away or looking past me. They're not communicating anything to me. The eye contact tells a different story.

My female friends sometimes praise my beauty, and then say like "you are anyway a man".
And then they smirk   

barbie~~