Female Bodied Androgyns on Hormonal Birth Control

[Mayonnaise]

So... yeah. I'm an XX, and because I have an XY significant other, I take hormonal birth control, doubled up with condoms to make super super sure that I don't wind up with a bun in the oven as we are 100% not equipped to be raising kids right now.

Last month, due to a prescription SNAFU I was off it for a month, and that lead to an increase in my general feelings of malaise about being "a girl." That and some prodding from my MTF bestie are what drove me to actually give a crap about my androgyne identity instead of just being all "Well I'm a girl, but I'm not a GIRL, ya know?" for the first time since college. I've been on this stuff a few years now and I think it's screwing with me.

On the one hand though it feels like, if it cuts the dysphoria and makes me more content with woman-ness, am I just making life difficult for myself and playing special snowflake still identifying as an androgyne, when maybe I'm just low on girly hormones and the BC puts them back.

On the other hand when I'm off the BC is the only time I ever feel like having sex, and bizarrely, also while simultaneously feeling solidly andro, the desire to bear children. You'd think they girly prego hormones in BC would make me feel more motherly, rather than less but they do.

I had a VERY delayed puberty due to idiopathic growth hormone deficiency, so I already know my endocrine system is a bit screwy, though I've been tested for and do not have Turner Syndrome. (Back when I was younger I often wondered if my objections to womanhood were related to having gotten very used to being prepubescent by the time that finally up and changed on me...)

This Birth Control thing is a conundrum however... and I'm really not sure which way to go with it. The sex drive stuff is normal, even for ciswomen, but I'm not sure about the whole, dysphoria thing. I feel like I SHOULD like the way it feels not to care, but then when I'm off it, it's like WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?!? THATS NOT ME!!!

Does anyone else have experience with Birth Control affecting their Gender Identity?

8^/

[Taka]

have you ever thought about how it would be to have a primarily male presentation while on bc?
i've been on it only for a few months long time ago, and i don't like the person i was then. i was overly girly, to an extent that hurt me then even more than after. i'm pretty sure i'd have made better decisions in some important matters if i didn't use it, so next time i try any hormones i'll take it the other way instead, to see if that can get me more in tune with my real self.

as for your desire to bear a child, i've born a child, and it was a wonderful feeling. something was just right with my body and hormones, and i was the most beautiful i've been in my entire life. my hair and skin were perfect. but the only time i've wanted to experience it again, was in the first few hours after giving birth. she was so cute i thought it was a shame i wasn't bearing twins. i'm a rare case who didn't find labor all that tiring and painful...

but that was then, and now is now. and the feeling of being androgyne is much stronger than my desire to bear children. doing it was a good experience, but belongs to a girl part of my life that has gotten far too much time and attention compared to the rest of me. maybe the wish to bear children will come again if i get myself into a fulfilling relationship where all of me has its natural place, and not only the woman.

[brainiac]

So I've been on birth control pills for like... almost 10 years, and I just switched to a hormonal IUD. I also have a male-bodied partner, so it's necessary, but the pill also fixed my awful heavy periods. That was really positive for my dysphoria. I recently decided to switch because: a) it is completely covered by my insurance, unlike the copay for the pills, b) I don't have to take YOU ARE FEMALE pills every day, c) it's more reliable because I don't take the pills at exactly the same time every night, d) it can be removed at any time if I do want to be a daddy seahorse, and e) it eventually makes your periods so light they can be nonexistent. That said, the dysphoria from getting it inserted and the cramps following really sucked a lot, so it's a long term thing.

The issues you described make me think it might be a good idea for you too, since the level of hormones in Mirena (the hormonal IUD) is lower than what's in the birth control pill. Maybe that will make you feel more "like you" while still giving you the benefits of birth control? Like I said, I've been on birth control since I was a teenager and I only switched this month, so I can't really say yet how my hormones affect my sense of my gender identity. I think it'll help me feel more grounded in my body than what the pill has allowed, but I'll have to see.

[Mayonnaise]

I'm on the Nuvaring, because I cannot be trusted to remember to take my pill at the right time. *Giggle.*

Is Mirena less than that too? I would seriously consider something like that, particularly if it kept me more ME and more... interested in things, than I am on the BC.

8^)

[brainiac]

I'm on the Nuvaring, because I cannot be trusted to remember to take my pill at the right time. *Giggle.*

Is Mirena less than that too? I would seriously consider something like that, particularly if it kept me more ME and more... interested in things, than I am on the BC.

8^)

Here are the numbers:
- Mirena hormonal IUD = 20 micrograms of levonorgestrel released per day
- Nuvaring = 120 micrograms of etonogestrel and 15 micrograms of ethinyl estradiol released per day

So overall, the dosage is lower for the IUD. Another thing to consider is that the IUD only uses a progestogin (the group that progesterone is in), whereas the Nuvaring uses one of those in addition to an estrogen (estradiol). That may be better news for your sex drive, but I'm not sure! This needs more research.

[Mayonnaise]

I'm off my Nuva again.

It's driving me bonkers being on it... but then it's also frustrating to be off, have an increase in sex drive and feeling right, and not be able to DO anything for fear of getting pregnant.

I don't have insurance though, so getting a UID seems out of reach...

Are there programs or anything for that for the uninsured? I know an acquaintance got implanion or whatever it's called for cheep thru Planned Parenthood after her abortion. Is there some way for low income people to get an IUD too?

8^/

[brainiac]

It's probably worth asking Planned Parenthood about it--they can probably point you somewhere else if need be. This is on their page about IUDs:

You need to see a health care provider to get a ParaGard or Mirena IUD. Your health care provider can help you decide if an IUD is right for you. You can find a health care provider who can help you with getting an IUD at your local Planned Parenthood health center or at other clinics.

The IUD is the most inexpensive long-term and reversible form of birth control you can get. Unlike other forms of birth control, the IUD only costs money in the beginning. The cost for the medical exam, the IUD, the insertion of the IUD, and follow-up visits to your health care provider can range from $500 to $1,000. That cost pays for protection that can last from 5 to 12 years, depending on which IUD you choose. In general, the Mirena IUD costs more than the ParaGard.

Planned Parenthood works to make health care accessible and affordable. Some health centers are able to charge according to income. Most accept health insurance. If you qualify, Medicaid or other state programs may lower your health care costs.

Call your local Planned Parenthood health center to get specific information on costs.

[Kinkly]

This topic is a little confusing for me as I'm unsure if the bith control pill is of the same as what I was taking the pill I was taking had both a T blocking and E booting component and was just part of my prescribed Cocktail of HRT.  I'm guessing that if your bith control is helping with female body disphoria then it is probably working differently. Hope this doesn't derail

[brainiac]

Just another update about the IUD--one of the rare side effects can be achy breasts, which I've experienced now. It caused a bunch of chest dysphoria that I haven't really felt in years--I'm usually fine with my chest and can use a binder I feel like it, but this was like "HEY HEY LOOK WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!" Apparently less than 5% of people using Mirena get this, so it may not happen to you, but I wanted to give a heads up. This is also probably going to stop after the 6 month "adjustment" period before your periods go away, so I'm looking forward to that.

[ford]

Does anyone else have experience with Birth Control affecting their Gender Identity?

Interesting topic. I got off hormonal BC a few months prior to starting T. I had been on it for medical reasons (endometriosis).

My impression is that the BC was making my dysphoria WORSE. I'm calmer off it, and the biggest bonus, my breasts shrank over a cup size just a few weeks after quitting. My chest dysphoria is huge, so this was a significant improvement.

I think for me, pumping estradiol into my system on a daily basis was damaging. While it didn't affect my gender identity (that has remained pretty solid), it certainly affected my self esteem and worsened my body/gender disconnect.

[Mayonnaise]

My SO and I have decided that PiV sex is not worth the drop in my sex drive, or the fact that I feel very much un-me. So I'm going off all BC and we're just gonna stick to fooling around in non-impregnating ways, which is fine with me because PiV isn't a huge turn on for me anyhow.

As for the dysphoria thing... while my dysphoria with my body goes down when I'm on it, (it has no effect on my breast size, I'm a small B no matter what) something mental goes up. Just an eerie feeling of NOT MEness. It's as if I care less about my body situation, because I care less about EVERYTHING. It's not worth fighting. Lets make peace over everything. Nothing is so important that I really need to speak up about it.

I dunno if it's because of BCs similarity in action to early stage pregnancy, maybe it's changing my mood to one of "lets make peace for incoming infant" or something, but... it's not me.

I'm a fighter. I'm a shouter. I'm a stand up and say NO kind of person. Also I'm kinky as hell.
Not so much on the BC. Eff that >-bleeped-<.

8^)

[blue]

Hormonal birth control does not work for me re gender, physcial or mental health-- last tried it in my early 30s-- I become emotionally fragile and so unhappy in and with my body, and sex drive dropped or rather shifted to a preference for cookies and thick crust pizza and not much caring if I got around to sex that night or not. My self confidence dropped.

I was on it for much of college and I look back now and wonder what those difficult years would have been like for me had I not gone through them with that influence. I wish I'd figured out to date women sooner.

[Lo]

I'm on BC, what with having (mostly) functioning XX equipment and being married to a functioning cisman. I was put on the pill for my endometriosis more than him, though, so I'm on a continuous cycle that is supposed to prevent me from having periods as much as physically possible for the rest of my reproductive years. It's not 100% possible with the pill, though, as breakthrough bleeding happens once every 2 months or so for me (and sometimes when I forget to take the pill... which I can afford to do because we're long-distance). I hate my period, and menstruation cramps scare the crap out of me now after fighting with endo and cysts for a couple years. I had surgery and things are much better now, but the rate of relapse for endo is almost guaranteed (something like 75% chance of needing surgery again for it at some point).

I actually love being on the pill. I hated my moodswings prior, and I hated the hormone rush every month. I'm asexual, so craving erotic material for a week like some kind of porn junkie was NOT something I enjoyed whatsoever, especially since I experienced an adrenal crash afterwards that left me tired and lethargic for several days. Unfortunately, the only alternative I was given to the pill by my surgeon and OBGYN was getting put on depo provera, and that scared the bejeezus out of me so I said no, lol.

This is really only a temporary fix, though. When I can afford it (or if I can play the endo card and see if healthcare will help) I plan on getting a hysterectomy, and all my problems will be solved. No periods, no worrying about my body doing something that I never felt it should be able to do--i.e. get pregnant--and no birth control.