Last minute tips about coming out?

[EdekStaszek]

Hmm, I hope that my mom doesn't go overboard with this stuff. Now that I think about it, I could imagine her at one of thoes protests for trans people, & leading everyone with a sign saying something on it.
Not that that's bad, of course not.
But its kind of scary now that I think about it.
I think my dad may be the same way.
Anywho, thanks for the input!
-Eddie

[EdekStaszek]

Interesting turn of events...
Today when I woke up (early, despite my 4 hours of sleep) my mom was the only other one awake.
We talked a little, then she started again about how she thinks it's a phase, and how Oscar (my cousin in Poland) is kind of like me, but not gay/trans.
I don't really blame her, Because I don't exactly have any "Proof" that I'm trans, other than that i can just tell. I mean - I never really told anyone about it, I never expressed my self, I never chose any kind of clothes that would give myself away.
Well that last part isn't exactly true. The closest I've come to wearing something "girly" is Uni-sex clothes. (I hate how boys wear basically 3 colors)
And I've read (a while ago) that parents like to think they know their kids better than they do. Well that's a big no.
So, do you, fine people of Susans, have any tips about what I should do? She's really skeptical, & thinks that I don't know what I'm talking about.
She also claims to have done research, & found that kids my age often feel this way, but my question is have they felt this way since the.... Uh.... Well I'm not really sure when. (I'll call it around 4th-5th grade I've had urges to wear women's clothes, which, unfortunately, I've never done)
But I digress.
How do I tell my mom I'm sure I'm trans. when I don't really have any proof?
-[Undecided]

PS: What would you people recommend for a new name, My name is Eddie (currently) Should it be something related (Ede, or something related. I always liked names ending in -ette for some reason.) or something completely different? (Not relating to E at all)I've also been wanting to keep the E, because I know very few people with a first name starting with E.

[smile_jma]

Am I the only one replying to you now? Ha... OK..

It's hard to convince someone you're trans with no previous clues. That was the case with my parents. When I told them the first time they didn't believe me so I stopped talking about it with them until recently (after I had started).

The only think I could think of is just start doing things..little things around the house. At least start around the house if you don't feel comfortable in public.  I started feeling different in 2nd grade. Maybe kindergarten, but I don't remember that age too well. It's not your job to PROVE you're what you are. It's what you are. You can always come back with "how did you know you're straight? You just knew" comment, but that doesn't really get you anywhere...

About the name... I was going to say Bernadette because of the ette, but then you like "...Erin? I don't really know of any good E names with ette at the end...

[Theo]

Learn to live with the idea that you will never have absolute proof. It just doesn't work that way.

In almost all cases the little incidents that happened while you were a child, the ones that are so often referred to, are indeed all things that can happen to any other child too. Ditto for things that happened later in your life. You dreamt of being in the opposite gender? Yeah, there's lots of non-trans people who have had such dreams. Played with stuff that's "officially" not for you? Heck, many boys play with dolls and many girls with trucks.

What makes it different is not really what you did, it's what you felt. It's the synthesis of your actions and your feelings that can give you, and only you, the conviction that you are trans. As we are really good at deceiving ourselves, there are gatekeepers, and while there are many, many issues with them, they are still there for a reason. But all this makes it very hard to ever prove it to others. Heck, while there seemingly are differences in brain structures, the variance among human beings is greater than that difference; i.e. you'd need a "guaranteed non-trans" identical twin to really prove it by comparing brain scan results. No easy way out here.

Not sure about others, but I myself didn't want to be trans; I actively hoped I wasn't. I went to the therapist thinking that she could give me a simple yes or no answer, ironically we do tend to seek the binary in situations like that. Of course she could not and would not do that, but reflecting on it helped me come to terms with myself, and it so happens that I am trans, so there. The best way I convinced people was simply by being myself: the remarks of how much happier I am these days, how peaceful I seem; all those serve so much better in getting them to accept me than anything I could ever say.

[Christine167]

Well it's tricky here. Have you ever looked up the Kubler-Ross five stages of grief?
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

It applies not just to death but to any big sudden change in life. Your mom is just starting "denial" from the sound of it. She will eventually move through all the stages and finally accept the change for better or worse in our relationship. That said it gets complicated. People can revisit the steps, try to take them out of order, or get stuck on one. My wife is bordering acceptance but is still depressed and angry at times. This is normal.

You need to stick to your decision if you are sure about this and try to make yourself emotionally strong. That is the proof. And that will eventually help your family move to acceptance where they will hopefully be supportive. Try your trusted friends too. I found most of mine didn't even bat an eye once they got over the disbelief. Now I have people to talk to who don't talk to me about how badly transgender are treated and what will happen to my family. They just support me and check in on me regularly. Give it a go when you get the confidence built up. Until then stick to your beliefs.

[EdekStaszek]

Thanks all. I've been pretty busy recently, and will be for another few days, so very few posts from me coming up
So, I guess that I'll just have to go to the therapist & hope that that convinces my mom.
Semi-Related
Anyways, I just had a (unexpected) great thing happen, I am currently out at my Grandma's house, where no one knows me, so as I went on my bike past the park, a group of boys where saying (really loud) "Is that a boy or a girl?"
My sister looked really angry & looked like she was going to turn around & yell at them, but I told her to leave it, but I was really happy. I was just dressed in my usual Uni-sex clothing, so that's.... Nice. It means that I should have no trouble passing (...?)
Anyways, back to Smile_jma.
Brenadette doesn't sound bad.... I like how it sounds when you say it. But like you said, there really arn't too many E....ette names.
Thanks all, for your replies!
-[Undecided]

[Jen♀]

"How do I tell my mom I'm sure I'm trans. when I don't really have any proof?"
Based on what you've shared it sounds like you and I are in a pretty similar boat. I'm feminine compared to other guys, but not really in an overt way (although I do stand wicked feminine... ). As everyone else has said I guess it's just something you FEEL. Like you I've felt it for a while. You mentioned wanting to dress like a girl, and I actually crossdress quite often in private. The thing is, it's not like I grew up wanting to play with Barbie dolls, or something like that... To me my feelings are beyond "do I apply to a particular stereotype?". I like comics and politics (I want to major in Political Science in fact ) both of which I would say are stereotypically "masculine" things (thinking of it as "superheros=the boy version of barbie dolls"). I have very recently (last week) come out to my parents with my feelings and they too briefly mentioned it being a phase... Definitely not as much as your mom appears to be however. I guess for me it's going to be a matter of seeing a therapist and getting things figured out, and once I've figured things out more clearly, well, then my parents won't really need "proof". By that time I'll know who I am and that will be that.
I'm not really sure of your personality, interests, nor do I feel the exact way you feel. But maybe if your mom says something like "you've never seemed girly or did girly things", say something like "I am who I am, like what I like, and do what I do because that's me; it's just that I feel like 'me' is a female." Again, I'm not sure at all if that's how you feel, but I suppose it could be helpful food for thought
best of luck! and remember that you have at least one other person going through the same exact thing as you are.