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Is coming out on Facebook a good idea?

Started by Joe., June 25, 2013, 07:32:00 PM

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Joe.

Has anyone come out on Facebook before to extended family and friends etc? I know what I'd write as my status, and I'd link it to my new profile I make. I'd appreciate feedback on what I'm planning to say if anybody is interested and can give critical advice. I'd prefer private message though as it will be what I actually put. I'd appreciate anybody's input on this and if it works or not. Thanks
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Michelle S.

Might be kind of hard to read, but this is how I came out to my girlfriend's family and my friends.



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Ltl89

Depends on how close you are to some of these people.  If they are like my family, they want a very personalized coming out and lots of answers.  If you aren't too close with your extended family, then it may be okay.  It depends on how you want to go about it.  But understand some people need lots of time to understand and adjust.  Some may take a face book coming out more hard than if you were to write a personalized letter.   
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Emily Aster

I would strongly consider whether you plan on disappearing into the woodwork post transition or not. Facebook is about data mining and when you come out there and link to another profile, that information is going to be picked up. By disappearing, I mean being known as a man instead of a transman. It might be hard to drop that trans part if you come out on FB.

I just created a FB page for my girl self a couple days ago. I only have 2 friends, both from here. I wonder if I should randomly friend people lol. I've thought about inviting friends that I've come out to, but refrained because they are friends with several people that I don't want to know about all this yet, like family, on their FB accounts that my male self is linked to. And to others in the neighborhood, like almost everybody from the neighborhood because it's so small, so letting them on my profile would be a lot like going to a town fair and announcing it over a loud speaker while standing on a podium. 
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Devlyn

Michelle, I love that! Short, sweet, and stated what was acceptable and what was not. Plus the links to information. Very well done. Hugs, Devlyn
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Joe.

Michelle that's an incredible post and everyone reacted so well!

Thanks for the input guys. I want my dad to tell my grandparents but everyone else I don't really care about. I do care, I just hardly see them which hurts but if they don't accept me nothing will change. My closest friends already know, and I have no other friends. My family I hardly see, or they won't get it anyway. I just wanna get it over and done with. People are going to know I'm trans when I start uni because I won't be on T by then. I don't know how is best.
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Michelle S.

Quote from: Joey. on June 25, 2013, 07:52:56 PM
Michelle that's an incredible post and everyone reacted so well!

Thanks for the input guys. I want my dad to tell my grandparents but everyone else I don't really care about. I do care, I just hardly see them which hurts but if they don't accept me nothing will change. My closest friends already know, and I have no other friends. My family I hardly see, or they won't get it anyway. I just wanna get it over and done with. People are going to know I'm trans when I start uni because I won't be on T by then. I don't know how is best.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on June 25, 2013, 07:51:10 PM
Michelle, I love that! Short, sweet, and stated what was acceptable and what was not. Plus the links to information. Very well done. Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks :)

On my facebook, about 25 of my friends are my girlfriend's family. Of that 25, about 20 are on a religious spectrum from moderate to extreme Southern Baptists. In fact many of them before I came out loved to blame LGBT and Obama for bringing God's judgement on our country. So I thought it was going to be the end of us. Couldn't have been more wrong!! They have been so kind and loving.

Biggest shock of my life and it taught me to never what people will do :)

Best of luck and if you need any help, feel free to PM me.


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KarenCDN

Quote from: Emily Aster on June 25, 2013, 07:48:07 PM
I would strongly consider whether you plan on disappearing into the woodwork post transition or not. 

Even if you don't plan right now, who knows what your thoughts or plans will be in 5, 10, 15, 25 years - and everything posted can very possibly stay available for ever.

I wouldn't trust the privacy settings on Facebook to mean that anything posted will still be private in the future.  Facebook has proven that they care little for privacy, and when they get more desperate to grow or to stop shrinking they will likley become even worse
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EdekStaszek

Michelle, that's a really good post, who are you living with? Or do you live alone? When people read the post, did some call you?
I'm still nervous about coming out, But I'm getting there.... I think...
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Michelle S.

Quote from: EdekStaszek on June 25, 2013, 09:57:22 PM
Michelle, that's a really good post, who are you living with? Or do you live alone? When people read the post, did some call you?
I'm still nervous about coming out, But I'm getting there.... I think...

Thanks :)

I live with my longtime girlfriend and our kids. Nope. no phone calls. Mainly just a couple facebook messages. Some in disbelief and others just commenting on how proud they are of me. Trust me, dwelling about coming out is a million times worse than just coming out - in my situation at least.


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Clarity

I recently came out publicly on my Facebook. I didn't come out on FB until I had told family and close friends with whom I wanted to keep in touch. I started out by writing my coming out post which ended up being a 5 page, single spaced, Word document. I enjoyed writing it, so I decided it would be best to start a blog with my coming out story. I ended up just making a short and to the point post on my old profile.

The way my coming out post went was by starting with me stating that I've been going through a lot lately. I mentioned that my story could be found on my blog (link). By the way, I'm transgender and am currently in the process of transitioning. If anyone who doesn't already knows this wants to keep in touch with me, I have a new profile which can be found here (link).

smile_jma

I don't feel the need to come out on fb, as telling the person is better, and not a blanket. It's simpler to tell many people, yes, but then again...it's for everyone to see, and if your privacy setting are such, everyone means...everyone.

I just changed my name on there yesterday. I think it might confuse people, but w/e.
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EmmaMcAllister

Not the same as fully coming out, but I came out as a "LGBT person" on Facebook after I came out to my parents. It went well. At some point after I start taking obvious steps toward full time, I'll launch a web page explaining the situation. I plan on printing little cards with the address on it that I'll give to confused/hostile people in public.
Started HRT in October, 2014. Orchiectomy in August, 2015. Full-time in July, 2016!

If you need an understanding ear, feel free to PM me.
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dpadgett628

To come out to my extended family(everyone other than my parents and Granny), I made a video that kind of explained what was going on and how I felt then tagged everyone I wanted to see it at the top and in comments. Word kind of just got around and everyone seemed to react very well to it. Good luck!

Video:

"The future I'm living now, is not what I'd thought it'd be. The person I was before, is nothing like me. The future I'm living now, is the way I want it to be." -Sick Puppies

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