Susan's Place Logo

News:

Based on internal web log processing I show 3,417,511 Users made 5,324,115 Visits Accounting for 199,729,420 pageviews and 8.954.49 TB of data transfer for 2017, all on a little over $2,000 per month.

Help support this website by Donating or Subscribing! (Updated)

Main Menu

Timing of coming out to dad- thoughts?

Started by Embrace, June 28, 2013, 11:42:38 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Embrace

Hi everyone.

Later today I plan to spend twelve hours driving for the sole purpose of coming out to my dad face-to-face.  Last week I came out to my mom, who was staying at my house visiting my wife, daughter and I for a few days without him.  Things went relatively well.

The reason I'm doing this is because in another week or so we will all be going on vacation together and I wanted to give him a little time beforehand to work things out in his head, followed by having a week of them both being able to spend time with me and ask questions, etc. - effectively (hopefully) getting to know the real me and addressing any concerns.

We had originally discussed the possibility of telling him on the last day of vacation.  Earlier this week I began considering driving there this weekend instead and neither my wife nor my mother was opposed.

So I'm opting to make the drive instead of waiting.  There are cons to either approach.  If I go there and it turns out he's unwilling to accept me there's a possibility he'll disrupt vacation (by not going or by telling me I'm not welcome to come).  But if I wait until the last day then my mother, wife and I will have the extra burden of carrying this around all week in secret.

I'm interested in your opinions- what might you do in this situation and why?  Am I just over thinking this?

Any input is appreciated.  Thanks for reading. :)
embrace
  •  

bethany

I don't have any input but want to wish you good luck.                                                                     
Hugs
  •  

Embrace

Thanks Bethany.  I really appreciate that! :)
embrace
  •  

Bookworm

I think we all understand the feeling of keeping our secret from everybody. I know that it is hard. It is a catch 22 and as such it could go either way. All you can do is hope for the best, plan for the worst, and let whatever is going to happen do just that happen. I wish you the best of luck with your father.
  •  

Joanna Dark

I woulda waited. I'm sure your mom and wife have more secrets then just this and could have dealt with it. I think the best way to approach coming out and telling people is to act like it is not a big deal and then people respond in kind. Neither option is perfect so it's either/or. It's a  real Kierkegaardian conundrum.

In any event, good luck.
  •  

BunnyBee

Not sure what you chose to do, but for future peeps....

The important thing is that you do it, so whenever you think that would be, you should do it.  If he has a bad reaction, yes it could ruin this vacation for you and for everybody else involved.  Not that it will be your fault, but that could happen.  But there is always an event coming up that could be ruined by telling somebody, and that can be the most convenient excuse to keep putting it off until next thing you know, years have gone by.

Another thing, in my experience, people either react well or poorly, but in either case they don't usually want to have long discussions about it afterward.  I don't think having a situation that would allow for long discussions day after day should be a factor in when you choose to do it.  You need to have time to potentially have a long initial talk, that's about it.

For me, worrying about timing has always been the enemy, and ithe timing of things has never made that big of a difference.  You just have to do it, however and whenever you can.  I mean be smart about it, if somebody is in the worst mood, or mad at you, etc., just wait for till they have a normal or happy disposition.
  •  

Embrace

I'm very happy to report that things turned out well. :)

He showed empathy toward my situation and pledged to support me 100%.  I was very impressed by this as I've never had a very strong relationship with him.  It would be really great if this were to bring us closer together.  Time will tell.

@Bookworm: "hope for the best, plan for the worst, and let whatever is going to happen do just that happen" are the words I live by!

@Johanna:  Yes, they could have dealt with it but it would have been eating away at my mom- it's just how she is.  In retrospect I should have told them together to avoid this.  While I didn't get into many specifics, the big deal is not as much what I'm doing as how it will likely effect my family in time.

@Jen: Sound advice.  I wound up somewhat pressed here because I had been putting it off up to this point (it wasn't supposed to have gotten so close to vacation).  I'm glad I didn't put it off any further.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and well wishes!
embrace
  •