They All Know At Work, and some are asking when I'm changing my name tag

[Ms Bev]

What an ordeal this has been at work the last few months!  Everyone has been talking, that much I know.  My best girlfriend keeps me up to date with the latest gossip.  So far, there are 3 people I'm close to that I've directly told.  I have other friends and associates coming to me, and politely asking, "when?"  One, is telling me I have the support of everyone in my old department already, and asking things like "what can we expect to be obviously different?".  Even my therapist, who has seen me only twice has said, "Bev, you are there.  You are where you planned on being".  I know her un-asked question is the same...when?

The stumbling block, is waiting for my boss to change me over to a higher paying department where I used to work.  That promise has been stretched out interminably so far, but now, they must fill a position there in a week, and I am the only canidate.  I have been promised the position, and don't want to compromise the execution of the move by officially coming out right now to management.
The day I get moved over is the day I come out. On that day, I'll go to HR, and get my Bev/Beverly name tag, and go right back to selling.  The next day, I'll wear women's casual professional clothes.

They are politely biding time, giving me the room I need.  Most are.  There is contingent of induhviduals who seem to be quietly brewing a small pot of discontent.  I expected much worse, frankly.

I am so tired.  I have couples dealing with me, and at a distance, overhearing the husband say "he", and being corrected by their spouse with "her".  I have other customers who simply think I'm a gay guy, not that there is anything more or less wrong with that than my being a gay female.  My voice is not perfect, by any means.  It is naturally higher pitched, higher actually than my favorite girlfriend there.  It's the inflection, the melody that I don't have all the way.  Good news is, I haven't scared anyone away, and my numbers are good.

I don't know why I'm whining, exactly.  I guess it's because this is the one place I can do it, and those who want to, will listen, and those who don't, won't.  No biggie.

But I'm tired, feeling at the end of a marathon, and just want to cross that line, sit down, and drink the cold water.


Beverly Michelle,
Woman

[sarahb]

That's sounds great Bev that most of the people at your company support you. Hopefully by next week you can become yourself fully at work and start living the life you've waited for. Hang in there, you're so close!

Congrats and good luck!

Sarah

[Ms Bev]

Well, I've decided to wait for a few more days, at least.  Got a firm date on going back to my old department finally, next thursday. 
Today was another painful day, working s Michael.  I had my name tag flipped around, otherwise, I'm simply regarded as a gay male.  I don't really mind that too much, but it's still just not who I am.  Today, with the name tag turned, and still wearing the 'hides everything' black clothes, I got ma'am, she, and her from 4 customers out of about 10, but when it came time to give contact info......well, then it was easy for them to make up their mind.  And now, for return or repeat business, I don't even give out business cards.  What's the point, except to possibly embarrass myself.  By the time they come back, I'll be Bev. Heheh....I can see my fellow salespeople now.......Mike?? Oh, he doesn't work here any more.  There goes my return sales.  Oh well.
The worst one was at the end of the night, with a nice sale to a very professional woman.  I worked with another salesman from another department, and had to make the sale flow efficiently, and she could see that.  She was glad I was her saleswoman.  We honestly did most of the decisions between us over the other salesman's shoulder, with looks, nods, and smiles.  When we finished, she was a happy camper, but the thing that got me the most, was the look of sadness, not disappointment, when I wrote my name for her as requested in case she needed additional assistance.  Mike.  She shook my hand, and with a look, asked me what everyone seems to be asking......'why are you still Mike?'

This is becomming unbearable   

Bev, dammit!

[Squirrel]

Bev,

Once you get it behind you, you will feel a great sense of relief. Nothing they can throw at you will measure up to the anxiety you now face...  so sooner or later, you will muster the courage to do it.  And you will be much happier.

S

[Renae.Lupini]

Yet another inspirational post by you Bev

You are going to look back on this a year from now and a huge smile is going to show on your face. I was in the same boat as you when I came out at work. I could have done it earlier than I did but I wanted it to be a moment that was right for me. When you get that new name tag it is going to feel like the stanley cup. lol