Quote from: Contravene on June 30, 2013, 04:13:36 AM
Sorry, I know this is pretty long but I really, really need help.
I finally came out to my parents the other day. My mother sort of forced it out of me as I was talking to her on the phone. I had been away for a few days to go on job interviews and when I got home, the entire family attacked me.
They can't seem to grasp the concept of what it means to be transgender so they've resorted to saying that I'm gay because they found out that I was visiting my girlfriend who lives in the area where I was job searching.
My mother is an ultra religious Christian and my dad is very bigoted so being gay is a "disgusting sin" to them. I tried to explain to them that it's not wrong to be gay but that I'm not technically gay anyway since I feel that I'm a man in a woman's body. That only made them more outraged though because "god doesn't make mistakes". At one point my dad even screamed at me to "look down between your damn legs, you're not a man" and he and my mother both agreed that they would rather have had me become a prostitute and come home pregnant than have spent time with my girlfriend (even though nothing happened).
I'm not sure how to deal with them. I know they've abused me in the past but I still love them, especially my mother. I thought that at least she would understand me but she has a childlike faith and there's no reasoning with her. It's heartbreaking to know that I'm hurting her so much over this. I tried to tell her that I'm not a mistake, that god made me this way for some reason but she wasn't having it. Her and my dad told me that being transgender or gay is not only a sin but also a communist conspiracy used to warp peoples' minds and turn them away from god. That should give you an idea of the type of craziness and naïveté I'm dealing with here.
My mother is making herself sick over this and my dad has been threatening to kill himself. I feel like I destroyed my family.
They keep telling me to either cut off all contact with my girlfriend or leave home and never come back because they don't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I chose to leave but I can't because my dad has already threatened to take my car away or report it stolen if I try to since it's registered in his name. He's also threatened to smash my computer so that means I won't be able to find help. I'm stuck and don't know how to get out of this mess. My girlfriend's family doesn't have a car right now or else they would come to get me.
My dad did say he and my mother would see a gender therapist with me to try to "fix" me but I'm not sure how long it will take to find a decent therapist and make an appointment. I'm afraid my dad will start getting physically violent with me since he's physically abused my mother, my sisters and me in the past. I'm hoping that a gender therapist will be able to reason with them because they may listen to a professional but if things get worse I might just make a run for it to my girlfriend's house even though she lives hours away. Until then, I think I'll try to get them in to a therapist's office.
Are there any Christian gender therapists out there who might be able to reason with my mother? I don't want her hurting because she thinks that I'm some kind of evil sinner who's going to hell. I live in the Pittsburgh PA area and I've looked for some kind of Christian therapist who deals with transgender issuse but I can't find any.
For now I've decided to stop engaging them since it's impossible to talk with them sensibly. Is there anything I can do other than just leaving? I don't want to leave my family in this turmoil whether they deserve it or not.
Being 37 years old (yes im old lol) and being raised in the same kind of back ground and family,i want to give some experience with my own and how i dealt with it.
its true that God does NOT make mistakes.But humans do and so does the human brain.I took myself to be a blessing and not a curse,that God had this in store for me.Wisdom through the entire gender spectrum which has and will,make me a much better man.But let me give you a fast run down.
My mother was the badgering type.She was what i call a *blank talker* or *blank thinker* Ya know the type that thinks *maybe if i push enough,they will break down and give in* but they tend to contradict their selves/lose
track.So its all mainly about pressure regardless of facts/truth.though i was not the type of person to give up what I know to be right inside my heart.Though my father was a rather good man,he was easier but more about intimidation then
anything.My family was the type to *interpert* things the way they want,mold and form for their benefit and not the other way around as it should be.WE mold to the bible,not use molding it.Without connection to the Holy spirit *Spirit of God* there is NO way of understanding the words HE wrote and if you try,you come up with your own.Some facts that most refuse to acknowledge:
1) Being *Gay* is not a sin.There was no such term back
then.It was only frowned down on *sex wise* in the earlier days of the old testment because at that time it was about reproduction.During this time,NO where does it state that two men could NOT love one another.Adam and Eve for example,it does state they made them male and female but it does NOT speak of the inner spirit/brain/true person but the bodies ability to have
children.So it only spoke of a physical form and its use.This WAS needed at the time in order to add more to the
world.As God told them to do so.But it also stated that woman would give birth in pain and man would work for the rest of his life (After the fall) but most fail to see that incest was a HUGE part of
that.Is it wrong to engage in incest? since adam and eve's children HAD to do so in order to continue the chain? Because according to these kind of mind sets,one is wrong but another is not? sodom and gomorrah was destroyed for its MANY crimes,not due to its homosexuality.Aside from them ignoring the constant calls and warnings from God his self over what should be changed.Even when sex is involved,God believes in it being between two souls-not 10 or 20 at once.He DOES enforce where he says that *two souls shall become one* the same as with marriage.*which mind you sex was the only way to bond that marriage between two people*
2) A bad habit it seems is for most type of parents to *pick* Gods destiny for them and another form of
control.My mother was very controlling and one reason i grew up so
sheltered.Dad was the power/enforcer if issues came and mom was the blanket that kept me
covered.It is very hard when that effort is proven ineffective for them.Ask that kind of person *close your eyes and tell me what you see and feel* and their reaction will show what kind of person they are.a person with pure faith in God and love,will do so and tell you but one who depends on their own sight and perception,will refuse and give a struggle.Which is my mother.What one see's is NOT always what is and without Gods leadership and perception,we will never be able to see outside of our own eye
lids.As the saying goes *only a worldly mind will refuse to see beyond it*
3) The most important thing to remember is this,there is NOTHING you can do or say.I know that doesnt help and i know thats not something someone like me and you,needs to hear but i learnt this the hard way.When i came out to my mother,she gave me the same thing but all the down grades that go with it,the put downs,making me feel 100% more worthless then i did before.I remember the conversation then changing the name on my face book.I sent her a pm and asked her to remove *the tags of ME off my old photos* and she outright said *who are you?! and how dare you tell me to remove the images of my daughter!* and she had deleted my account and blocked me (knowing for a fact it was me).After this,the stalking by my brother started-even using his own daughters account because i had blocked his other mains *which he had two he also used* i remember how after my mother did this,my brother chased me,falling into that same trap that i believed myself so long before.Correcting me,telling me im wrong,how i just needed to repent and go to God.They knew NOTHING about me or God.I gained a pure hatred for the *selective* love-only those worthy of it would gain it while the rest where cast out.i KNEW God would never do that and i refused to let a worldly thinker tell me otherwise.After this i accepted that she had left me to rott and if i had to listen to my brother one more time,i would
snap.So i made the choice *aside from her* to say goodbye.I walked away and changed my last name,never wanting to be linked to them.I knew there was nothing *I* could do for them and i knew my life wouldnt be worth living if i stayed with the remaining.I know some of us cant do anything about it but the best thing to do is NOT to tell them what they want to hear but just do not tell them anything at all.Tell them you dont want to talk about it anymore,tell them you will pray and leave it at that and instead,pray God change their way of thinking or show you a way out.Otherwise,your fighting a losing and tiring battle.
4) just now adding this because i seen one part that i didnt address and also knowing what this feels like.This is a form of *guilt trip* or *manipulation* tactic.Harsh but very true.Most people who are in pain,seek comfort and seek some form of help but when they pull away constantly with painful and hurtful comments,they are not seeking help or comfort but to do just that,cause pain.If you were drowning,would YOU refuse a hand to help you? of course
not.In turn,making one to feel to blame and causing them to retract back into their shell for the safety and happiness of their loved
ones.My mother LOVED this tactic because it worked everytime and i spent most of my time locked away but she showed no clear signs of caring of what such comments did to me,in a sense the mission was accomplished on her end and she was done *until the next time* As an example: She would stand there and attack me over my past,saying things like *who you talking to?! one of your drug buddies?! going to go get high?! seems thats all your worth!* now IF i at all corrected her,making known how this made me feel (since she had proof that i had stopped LONG before) she would *turn on the water works* and you knew it and seen it in her face.Since she was controlling,she hated the thought that someone was coming before her.If i continued,it got worse till it came to outright insults and the *full trips* would start *you dont love me! your a liar! you want me dead!* and so much more.But you do become numb to these kinds of things and one reason i havent lived with her in over 10 or so years.I literally walked out with a bag in my hand and the middle finger up.
But during those times,let Him be your guard and support and your friends,until that time
comes.As the term says *like talking to a wall* it IS pointless,even though we want so bad for it not to be.This is something THEY must be open to want.I do hope that things change for you for the best but in all,dont expect anything and you wont be disappointed.Worry about you right now and your well being.Keep your head up
