FrancisAnn,
I always knew who I am since my earliest memory, never lived full time till I failed on my third suicide attempt, and when I came to the next day, I realized I had to attempt to live as a woman because I wouldn't attempt suicide again, I'd succeed. You don't fail with a bullet to the brain. I was 57 years and 22 days old when I went full time. I'm like you in that I knew I was a girl, telling my mom and dad at four I was in the wrong body and that I was really a girl. I came very close to transitioning at 23, going as far as possible without living full time. But I didn't pull the right lever and let my religious and family guilt overwhelm me. But when I finally began living full time I've never once, not for a nanosecond, ever doubted that I've done the right thing in making my body match my heart, mind, soul and spirit. IMHO, you have to commit once and for all and vow to God, your family, friends, coworkers, and your dog that you're a woman and you'll never live as a male impersonator again. I've never even stood up to potty, never not worn my makeup during the day, never not kept myself feeling soft, shaved, smelling, or thinking as the woman I've always been. You have to commit, FrancisAnn, and I believe that maybe you got a little lazy mentally or physically about who you are, you started losing the essence of who you really are and you can never do that. I've had it easy in that I've never needed FFS, but I need a rhinoplasty (nose job) because of sports injuries and a police brutality issue. You're doing the right thing in doing HRT again, but if you don't take and keep the right attitude with you into this again, you'll probably quit again. I'll never go back because I'm me for the first time in my life. You obviously are extremely uncomfortable as a male, or you wouldn't keep going back to living as a woman. Nobody would do what we have unless they're in crisis or they're transsexuals. Take care sweetie, you can do this. Hugs, Mira
