Where we're at

[ChelseaAnn]

First, if this is in the wrong forum, I apologize. Please move it if need be.

Right now, I'm out to my family, and my wife, and her family. A lot more of her family than mine, since she told everyone. Given that, things didn't go very well with her or her family. She was mad at me, and her family.... well, we won't go into that.

So, long story short, she left. Today, I have my third appointment, and my wife is coming back from Jersey to Pennsylvania to come to my appointment with me. For what, to make compromises and such. I'm holding my ground to my transition, and doing it now.

My wife has called me several times trying to compromise so she can stay with me. She started with waiting until our son moved out (18 years of waiting...), then with taking me out and allowing me to dress in public every so often. Now we have been upped to letting me go through the transition, but waiting 2 years so we can have another child (a totally different problem). The thing about the compromise I don't like is her parents. Right now, they hate me. I'm pretty sure I could never be within sight of them again, or they'd kill me. What's worse, my wife told me I can be Chelsea, just not at work and not at family events or holidays...

And there goes my transition. What good is it to transition if you can't get to full time. I mean, it's not like I can hide the obvious chest I'll have (my wife suggested wrapping them). And why should I stop being me for a bunch of people who look down on me anyway. Damn if I'm gonna hide my identity for people who know anyway. Is that fair to me? I don't think it is.

I know my wife wants to make it work. I can see that. But I've waited so long for this, and once I'm in it, why should I have to stop being who I am?

Let me know your thoughts.

[Alice Elanore]

You should absolutely be able to be yourself full time, should you want...like my great grandma told me once, "If someone is looking down on you, stand up taller and meet them at eye level." No one should try to stop you from being who you are.

The thing about the compromise I don't like is her parents. Right now, they hate me. I'm pretty sure I could never be within sight of them again, or they'd kill me. What's worse, my wife told me I can be Chelsea, just not at work and not at family events or holidays...

So, just at home, then? Don't really know what to say about that...what about meeting family outside of family events or holidays? That would kinda make the whole hiding yourself thing pointless...everyone would already know about it. What's the point?

The in-laws...I dunno...never been married myself, so I have nothing to say there...

[Ltl89]

At the end of the day, you have to decide what is more important to you: going full time or following your wife's conditions.  Only you can know which is the more important one.  I will say that your wife may come around in time.  Her conditions may just be temporary as she adjusts and becomes accustomed to your transition.  However, she may also be trying to control your transition by preventing you from making any major changes.  My mother often asks me to compromise with her which means stop transitioning all together.  From what I have read, your wife is trying to absorb it all and may be able to come to terms with everything in time.  I don't think this is bad in the initial stages, but you need to be aware that she may not be more flexible than this.  If that is the case, you both need to consider what you want out of your relationship.  If she wants a husband for public showings and you want to be a female 24/7, you will need to find a way to solve that disconnect in some fashion.  I wish you lots of luck.