What made you unhappy today? v3.0

[Charley Bea(EmeraldP)]

My two closest friends are having a rough time and I have been with them everyday for the last 10 days making sure their okay, but now I am drained and came home to rest but I feel like I abandoned them and let them down by leaving, also feel selfish for letting my own problems get to me and making me feel I needed to leave though I did not want to. Also don't feel like I have helped even though they say just being there has helped alot. I just can't feel right no matter what they say.

[Jenny07]

Everything is too much at the moment.

God I hate it all.

[Shantel]

What made me unhappy is reading about everyone else's unhappiness, wish I had the good witch Glenda's magic wand and could make it all better for everyone here.

[spacerace]

My heart goes out to you, this left me with a hollow feeling like a movie where the hero or heroine is rejected and goes off into the sunset all alone.

I get the feeling that once you are on T it will become very evident quite rapidly, I know one person whose voice went from that of a little girl to a basso male voice in a matter of months. This will bring the bottom up quickly and the weight of that will make that conversation happen regardless. I'm sorry these two are so insensitive, it shouldn't be!

That sounds incredibly rough. I really hope you find some supportive understanding folks along the way.

Might sound weird but I like reading posts from you - maybe because we're the same age and in similar place time-wise in our transitions, plus you seem to have a lot of wise words to share. So while it's no replacement for supportive people in your every day "real" life, I'm sending happy thoughts your way.

Thanks to both of you for your replies. I'll get through it. I feel better after sleeping. Ford, I also notice your posts for the same reasons.

[CalmRage]

I miss Rose.

And Sarah Jane.

And River.

And Liz.

God, where to begin?

[CalmRage]

Two words:
Floyd Rose

[DeeperThanSwords]

I'm sorry. Based on a lot you've said I knew it was coming too, but seeing it doesn't make it any easier. *hugs*

Exactly. It's still agonizing, even when I can intellectualize that it was inevitable the minute I came out, and that it is probably the right thing. I really, really wanted to make it work. I'm devastated. 

What made me unhappy is reading about everyone else's unhappiness, wish I had the good witch Glenda's magic wand and could make it all better for everyone here.

That would be great.

[Faun]

My mom who thinks she cannot be offensive by saying he-she, ->-bleeped-<-, hemaphrodite, because she has trans and intersex friends. And then she screams and yells at me when I tell her that she cant say stuff like that because its offensive.
She also thinks its okay to talk about her friends sex life because they are trans.

[Keaira]

I dont have internet right now, and I itwill be a little while before I can get it turned back on. No Caleb for a few nights.... thatsgoing to be rough.

[Adam (birkin)]

I dont have internet right now, and I itwill be a little while before I can get it turned back on. No Caleb for a few nights.... thatsgoing to be rough.

Oh no! That sucks. Guessing the extension didn't come in.

I was also unhappy because I was in the store with my grandma and some woman in line kept staring at me. I don't even know why, it was just a look of disgust. Thing is I don't even know if it's because she didn't know if I was male or female or because she thought I was ugly. Lol.

[Edge]

Intrusive thoughts of the past that won't shut up, paranoia, and feeling frustrated and ashamed that I have them.

[Apples Mk.II]

I thought I could count on my brother to support me on transition, but coming back to the parental home today turned into a reminder of why I hated him so much, we kept fighting for almost 20 years and wanted to escape that environment as soon as possible.
He is still the same verbally violent ->-bleeped-<-s as always, still trapped in the worst of a puberty stage despite being 23 already. In the 90 minutes I was there, he kept shouting at my mother for everything, demanding specific food, blah blah blah... And shouting at her about touching and losing his stuff.

Yes. Until I find my stuff on "his" stuff. I am a collector obsessed with keeping things in a perfect status. Every music disc in a bag to keep dust away, etc....
"Where did you get that AC/DC pick?" " I found it on a box with QN ACDC disc there was on on the glass shelf.

Yup, taking my stuff now that I have left, and he is been there for only three days. The self where I keep the best pieces and that is a DO NOT TOUCH. my spare computer filled with adware and viruses, and he is still ranting about why did I password protected the admin account.

It's still painful to thing that my mental sanity and transition improvements are only caused by paying 600€ each month to be as far as possible from my family as possible.

And to end it no, I'm not telling him anymore, just the way he talks about everything and every body, and that as the rest of the world, for him I am only a provider of free stuff and services that must bring things to his feet. I spent a week fixing his laptop and he never came to pick it, visit, etc... Not wanting to travel for 45 minutes or spend money on public transportation.


And that's it. I'm spending my las day of vacation on going there, packing everything and putting it on a safe place, and hopping he will dissapear again, but noooo, he has to stay there for the summer, verbally abusing everybody that enters his FOV

Oh, and I also have imsonia. Way to go.

[Adam (birkin)]

Underworks really jacked up their shipping prices. Or so it seems. Maybe things just seem more expensive right now because money is tighter than it used to be. Especially since I am not eligible for a payment plan for my tuition, meaning I'll have to pay it all at once. There goes the last couple thousand.

I haven't needed to bind in almost two months, I just wear a baggy tee and a sports bra and all is well. but for something like a job interview, I want to have a binder because I need the confidence boost. and I need a bigger size than I currently have since I hurt myself binding (which is why I stopped 2 months ago).

Suppose the bullet will have to be bit.

[Makalii]

Mother still strongly believes I'm not trans because I didn't exhibit tendencies of it when I was 3. Grrr...

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

My mum said that too,  which is ridiculous as it's not even true.  But no,  I had a goatie beard for a few months which is *proof* I am not trans.

[suzifrommd]

Mother still strongly believes I'm not trans because I didn't exhibit tendencies of it when I was 3. Grrr...

This steams me. Every story about a transgender person in the press seems to start with something like "she always knew that..."

So a generation of people assumes trans people knew who we are from a young age.

[AdamMLP]

My dog got hit by a horse today.  She's at the vets and still touch-and-go, but a little better than she was at 11 o'clock this morning when she was fitting and had no reflexes at all.  At least now she can tell when someone is around her, but she is dosed up on diazepam and anti-inflammatories, so who knows what improvements she's making.  She's exactly two years old today.

[spacerace]

My dog got hit by a horse today.  She's at the vets and still touch-and-go, but a little better than she was at 11 o'clock this morning when she was fitting and had no reflexes at all.  At least now she can tell when someone is around her, but she is dosed up on diazepam and anti-inflammatories, so who knows what improvements she's making.  She's exactly two years old today.

I hope everything turns out okay for your dog. It is really hard to see a pet in pain and know you can't do anything else at the moment to fix it for them.

[SaveMeJeebus]

When my nephew poke himself in the eye while i was looking after him. I panicked as he couldn't open it, but he feel asleep and was fine when i left him. Phew!

And.... my DS touch screen is naffed, and my brothers and sisters DS screens are all scratched up :@

[DeeperThanSwords]

I'm sorry to keep talking about this, but my heart hurts so much. 

It started immediately when I woke up, and everything I see and hear is hurting.

I keep going through so many different emotions, all of them intensely horrible. In the space of a few minutes, I'm angry, depressed, pleading, numb, despairing.

I've been trying to bargain with my former partner to take me back, saying I'll stop transitioning and go back to being a girl, but he keeps saying that I would only be more unhappy and the relationship would probably still break down anyway. He's probably right, but I don't want to believe it. My transition is what's causing this split, and I desperately want to make it go away. I feel like if I just stopped the transition and went back to being the old me that he fell in love with, everything would be ok again.

I feel like I can't function outside of the relationship, and, given the state I've been in since Sunday, it's looking like that. I'm not eating, neglecting the housework, I feel like sleeping all the time, I'm finding it a huge struggle to make any of the arrangements for me finding somewhere to live etc, everything is terrifying and upsetting.

Every so often, a suicidal or self-harming thought creeps in, and although I'm just managing to keep myself from acting on them, I do dearly want to not be suffering anymore. I feel utterly broken, and I don't know how much longer I can cope with this constant pain and sadness. I have some kind friends who are trying to help, but nothing I try to do or say is making the pain go away. They tell me it'll be ok, in time, but when I have a history of self-injury and suicide attempts, feeling like this is dangerous, so recovery is very time-sensitive for me. I don't want to die, I just want the pain to stop.

Sorry about this, everyone. I'm devastated and overwhelmed, and I can't deal with it alone.