What made you unhappy today? v3.0

[Adam (birkin)]

So it really hit me just now that my dog is gone. 

[Lauren5]

I feel like a freak, who is unable to love, because I am me and not what I am expected to be.

[Jenny07]

I just can't stop thinking about what lies ahead. I want it so badly that I am obsessing about it.
While good it is making me very unhappy.
I hate being male more than ever and am loving the effects of my first month on E.
I have an appointment shortly with my Endo and want to increase it.

This might help but I have noticed that I have felt like this a few times recently.

J

[LordKAT]

So it really hit me just now that my dog is gone. 

Ouch

[TaoRaven]

the staggering amount of ignorance, hate, and general transphobia that dominates social media sites, forums, and even the comments section of my local news paper. It enrages me, and makes me want to do something, to fight....

...but I am so tired. I've fought all my life already for the freedom to practice a non-christian religion. I just don;t know if I have it in me to fight another battle. I just want to live a happy life as the person I was meant to be, but I can't just sit by and watch while these people spew their ignorance and hate and fight against things like EQUALITY and HAPPINESS.

I want to shop for shoes, and play with cosmetics, and sing at the top of my voice, and go on dates, and dance, and just LIVE.

But women like me are getting killed, harassed...targeted for nothing other than existing! I can't turn my back on that. I can't just go on being self absorbed and pretend it's not happening.

Not if I can help in some way.

[King Malachite]

The leader of the youth at our church deliberately set it up where to if I'm not teaching, I'm assisting all this month so I won't be out "just because".  That is crap.  Perhaps I wanted to try the little Methodist church above me, or even get the courage to call up the LBGT-affirming church to see if they can pick me up.

I'm still going to miss church anyway if I want to and I told her that.  She tried to say "well you know if you do, then your sister (the pastor) will get you."  I could care less what my sister's reaction is.  She already doesn't accept my trans status.  Perhaps when I do get my top surgery, she will dismiss me from having any association with the church children permanently. 

[Makalii]

I'm getting really sick of feeling sexually crippled, and intimately lost. I don't know what could possibly make me happy inside and it feels as if chastity has been forced upon me against my own volition. It doesn't seem like I have lost my libido. I still have great desire to be intimate and it crosses my mind quite often, but I have no focus for that desire, nothing to fantasize about. Any acts of pleasure upon myself are only coupled with shame and discontent for my body. I used to think I could just close my eyes and pretend, but now I don't know what to pretend anymore. All I know is that I want to be treated as a woman, but how could I ever ask someone to love me as a woman for my body, if I can't even love my body as a woman for myself? I am without focus, without a position sexually, and I feel that is something every teenager is entitled to.

[KabitTarah]

The leader of the youth at our church deliberately set it up where to if I'm not teaching, I'm assisting all this month so I won't be out "just because".  That is crap.  Perhaps I wanted to try the little Methodist church above me, or even get the courage to call up the LBGT-affirming church to see if they can pick me up.

I'm still going to miss church anyway if I want to and I told her that.  She tried to say "well you know if you do, then your sister (the pastor) will get you."  I could care less what my sister's reaction is.  She already doesn't accept my trans status.  Perhaps when I do get my top surgery, she will dismiss me from having any association with the church children permanently.

I will never, ever understand unaccepting Christian churches... after all, The Bible doesn't teach us to "remember that sameness is most important, ostracize those who are different, and for god's sake stay away from the lepers."

[Amelia Pond]

Being depressed and not knowing why. Though I suspect I need to get my hormones checked again.

[LordKAT]

Depression is contagious. No thumbs up for you.

Though I have been down for a while, until Devlyn posted a pic of a deer and got me up to mid level. Maybe you need a deer in your yard.

[KabitTarah]

Being depressed and not knowing why. Though I suspect I need to get my hormones checked again.

Hope it passes quickly! I was there yesterday (I'm positive my T is waaaay too high )

[Amelia Pond]

Hope it passes quickly! I was there yesterday (I'm positive my T is waaaay too high )

Thanks! I'm not sure if it's my hormones or not. I've been way more irritable and aggressive lately, my libido is in overdrive (sorry for TMI) and my breasts aren't hurting anymore (this one is probably just a brief hiatus but idk).

I just had my blood checked a little over a month ago and my T was really low (low for female range) and my E was up there so I don't get how I could have a sudden change but I'm sure it's possible. I'm just feeling like crap lately.

Amy

[FrancisAnn]

Something is wrong with my tape measure. I took measurments of my body today & surely I'm not that fat in the stomach area & have such a skinny type flat butt. I want some curves like Marilyn!!!!

[King Malachite]

I'm getting really sick of feeling sexually crippled, and intimately lost. I don't know what could possibly make me happy inside and it feels as if chastity has been forced upon me against my own volition. It doesn't seem like I have lost my libido. I still have great desire to be intimate and it crosses my mind quite often, but I have no focus for that desire, nothing to fantasize about. Any acts of pleasure upon myself are only coupled with shame and discontent for my body. I used to think I could just close my eyes and pretend, but now I don't know what to pretend anymore. All I know is that I want to be treated as a woman, but how could I ever ask someone to love me as a woman for my body, if I can't even love my body as a woman for myself? I am without focus, without a position sexually, and I feel that is something every teenager is entitled to.

Gosh I understand everything in the bold so well.  It's almost like I could have wrote it.  For me, it's absolutely horrible....to be sexually broken and all and I envy many cisgendered teenagers for not having to go through this.

I will never, ever understand unaccepting Christian churches... after all, The Bible doesn't teach us to "remember that sameness is most important, ostracize those who are different, and for god's sake stay away from the lepers."

Part of the reason maybe is to "keep face"  which sucks.   It sucks even more if the person doesn't even want to take the time to learn about ->-bleeped-<-.

[KabitTarah]

Part of the reason maybe is to "keep face"  which sucks.   It sucks even more if the person doesn't even want to take the time to learn about ->-bleeped-<-.

I totally understand that last... that's where my family is at, though my wife is much, much better now. She says she isn't and it's all an act... I don't believe her - she couldn't possibly act out a fairly intimate friendly moment and she's making the effort to understand me a bit more. Family confuses me more than anyone. (And yes... I understand they're going through stuff too... but I feel like I'm living as a teenage girl and interacting with a bunch of other teenage girls )

[LordKAT]

Having to rely on baby sister to move furniture and boxes for me. I can normally do all this on my own and being too weak to carry a gallon of milk is frustrating to the max.

[King Malachite]

My nephew is hanging out with the two little girls here instead of me.  I wanted to play video games with him.

And I feel horrible for eating so many chicken nuggets.  Meh, I'm only eating cashews for the rest of the night and I'm going to drink a lot of water.

I hate that my mom cooks a big dinner for people because I'm the one that has to wash dishes -hisses-

[KabitTarah]

My nephew is hanging out with the two little girls here instead of me.  I wanted to play video games with him.

And I feel horrible for eating so many chicken nuggets.  Meh, I'm only eating cashews for the rest of the night and I'm going to drink a lot of water.

I hate that my mom cooks a big dinner for people because I'm the one that has to wash dishes -hisses-

Cashews are better than chicken nuggets? For salt, sure... I can't tell if you're watching calories or what!

I am having a high calorie day today.... had 2 chicken nuggets myself and a full serving of fries (all the oven kind from frozen)... on top of my normal meal I'll be having . That probably means I'll lose 2 lbs overnight . Losing weight acts weird.


Sorry... nothing particularly unhappy other than that I have no desire to do anything productive at all.

[King Malachite]

I totally understand that last... that's where my family is at, though my wife is much, much better now. She says she isn't and it's all an act... I don't believe her - she couldn't possibly act out a fairly intimate friendly moment and she's making the effort to understand me a bit more. Family confuses me more than anyone. (And yes... I understand they're going through stuff too... but I feel like I'm living as a teenage girl and interacting with a bunch of other teenage girls )

Yes, family can be very confusing.

Cashews are better than chicken nuggets? For salt, sure... I can't tell if you're watching calories or what!

I am having a high calorie day today.... had 2 chicken nuggets myself and a full serving of fries (all the oven kind from frozen)... on top of my normal meal I'll be having . That probably means I'll lose 2 lbs overnight . Losing weight acts weird.


Sorry... nothing particularly unhappy other than that I have no desire to do anything productive at all.

I hate cashews but I imagine they are a bit healthier than chicken nuggets :/  I'm trying to watch calories but I seem to be failing.  It sucks when my mother seems to want to by tons of junk food.

[Joe.]

Feeling like I have nobody.