Coming out...

[EveryxStepxHurts]

So lately I've been watching several videos lately of how to come out.
Most aren't typically about coming out to parents. And if they are it's not too helpful to me.
The thing is mine are conservative as well as Baptists. I've been thinking of a way to tell my mom about me finally finding out who I am. Yet I'm not sure how. I want to write a letter, but I have no clue how to start. I want it to be subtle but I can't seem to figure out how. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas? I'd really appreciate the help.
-Nich

[Devlyn]

Hi Nich, here's some good reading: https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Family_and_friends

To be honest, the people who keep it short and sweet seem to have an easier time of it. When the time seems right, put it out there and let the conversation flow. Hugs, Devlyn


Edit: I forgot, hold on tight, we're off to the Coming Out Forum! Wheeeeeeee!

[Jamie D]

I guess the first question, Nich, is are you living in their home, or have you moved away?

[EveryxStepxHurts]

I guess the first question, Nich, is are you living in their home, or have you moved away?

I am in fact living in their house, I'm not financially depend yet. I suspect that they won't kick me out but I'm not sure.

[SaveMeJeebus]

If you do not know what your parents think of gays and trans folk, then ease into asking them. "I have a friend that just came out to me. They want to be the opposite sex, and plan on getting surgery done, etc...". See how your parents respond to that, it should give you an insight to whether or not they would accept you. I said something along the lines of having a gay friend, and having a trans friend, just to see how my Mum would react, then i got into a conversation by saying i would also go on a date with someone that was, and it went rather well....

[EveryxStepxHurts]

If you do not know what your parents think of gays and trans folk, then ease into asking them. "I have a friend that just came out to me. They want to be the opposite sex, and plan on getting surgery done, etc...". See how your parents respond to that, it should give you an insight to whether or not they would accept you. I said something along the lines of having a gay friend, and having a trans friend, just to see how my Mum would react, then i got into a conversation by saying i would also go on a date with someone that was, and it went rather well....

I've told my mother (before I knew about gender Dysphoria and transsexualism) that I feel like I'm a male stuck in a females body. All she said is 'Youre in the body god meant for you to be in' I've also told her that I am Bisexual (before I knew about Pansexual) and she didn't like the idea of it. It made her cry.

[SaveMeJeebus]

I've told my mother (before I knew about gender Dysphoria and transsexualism) that I feel like I'm a male stuck in a females body. All she said is 'Youre in the body god meant for you to be in' I've also told her that I am Bisexual (before I knew about Pansexual) and she didn't like the idea of it. It made her cry.

Ouch. I'm so sorry to hear that was her reaction before. I am stumped. I personally wouldn't say anything more, especially as you depend on your parents at the moment. Someone else may disagree with me though.... Hopefully someone comes in and gives a new perspective to my own.

[Ltl89]

I have a post somewhere on the forums which discloses my coming out letter to my mother.  It's somewhere in the JFU section.  That may give you some ideas.  Not that my letter was good, but there was some good feedback and critiques on the letter and it might help you formulate your own. 

As for living at home while coming out, I'm in the same boat.  It has been difficult for sure, but it isn't always the case.  It really depends.  Make sure you are prepared for their reaction whether it be good, bad or ugly.  Once you feel ready, I'm sure you will do fine.  Just be brave. 

[EveryxStepxHurts]

I have a post somewhere on the forums which discloses my coming out letter to my mother.  It's somewhere in the JFU section.  That may give you some ideas.  Not that my letter was good, but there was some good feedback and critiques on the letter and it might help you formulate your own.

Sorry I'm a bit new here, what is JFU?

[StellaB]

When it comes to coming out I refuse to pay too much attention to labels because I feel I'm coming out to an individual human being and they are responsible for their reaction and the choices they make as a result of knowing.

The problem is that quite often you never can tell what that reaction is going to be. Trans is something that isn't on everybody's radar.

That saying as someone who is more out than stealth I feel that there are a few things you need to think about before coming out.

Where is your support?

How will the reaction of the person you're coming out to impact on your life and circumstances?

How is coming out going to affect or impact your relationship with them?

What strategy do you have for a negative reaction?

I would advise strongly against anyone coming out in isolation or where a negative reaction can place them in jeopardy. I would also strongly advise against coming out to someone significant in your life without having other means of support. I don't see any value in jeopardising an education or career just for the sake of one more person knowing that you are trans.

Coming out requires careful examination of all the possible variables and possibilities and some cold, hard thinking and risk calculation.

It's not something done lightly.

[BeefxCake]

i feel telling them you are questioning your gender or your discomfort with you body. don't come right out and go I'm trans guys. that's too abrupt. i told my parents i was having difficulties with being a girl and they accepted it but i think they aren't as conservative as your parents as you've described them. mine are pretty ok with everything as long as i am happy and know what it is im trying to do. just take it slow, give hints. like for me i cut off my hair first. let them get used to that. i don't dress very girly but that's been going on for years. they are used to that. and now that i am moving out they are alright with what i decide to do because i am an adult i suppose, they believe i can live with my own consequences im not theirs to mold anymore.

[EveryxStepxHurts]

i feel telling them you are questioning your gender or your discomfort with you body. don't come right out and go I'm trans guys. that's too abrupt. i told my parents i was having difficulties with being a girl and they accepted it but i think they aren't as conservative as your parents as you've described them. mine are pretty ok with everything as long as i am happy and know what it is im trying to do. just take it slow, give hints. like for me i cut off my hair first. let them get used to that. i don't dress very girly but that's been going on for years. they are used to that. and now that i am moving out they are alright with what i decide to do because i am an adult i suppose, they believe i can live with my own consequences im not theirs to mold anymore.

I've told my mom I prefer short hair. I always get a guys cut. I've also told her several times before that I'm planning on removing my breasts. She doesn't seem to care much.
Though I feel I've made the mistake of telling her I think I'm a guy trapped in a girls body.
I've tried several subtle things. I even show an interest in more guyish things. I have not worn a dress in SEVERAL years. I've never worn heels. I try getting more guyish shoes. As much as I'd like to wear guy clothing I can't. I don't have a job yet, I don't bind, and I feel I'm too out of shape to try.


(Sorry for taking a while to post and if it doesn't make sense sorry about that. It's 2 am here and I can't sleep so yeah. My mind is... Well.. I don't know how to say it.