Ashamed of my own ethnic/cultural background...

[Catalina]

I have grown quite bitter towards my own cultural background as a Filipina. It is so sad that Philippine culture is still filled with stereotypes and machismo that detracts people like gays and lesbians from total acceptance.

I used to get called a 'bakla' ('gay male') in my culture by Filipino people on street, generally men. I cried once because I was tired of just coming out to the store when I have people like that in my own neighbourhood. Everywhere else, I generally go under the radar, but I guess my voice perhaps gave me away to other Filipinos.

And then I get stared at by Filipina women, either with shock or disapproval. Even my extended family used it a few times, perhaps naively. I ended up crying and telling them "I'M NOT BAKLA!"

It makes me hate myself, really.

It makes me really negative towards my culture... Why should I be part of something that will conflate me to a hurtful and non-applicable label? Why should I learn my parents' home language, when it is the same language that hurts me?

[Lo]

My family is Mexican-American, so I know all too well that machismo culture you're talking about. I can't go hang out with my cousins without hearing "joto" get thrown around at least a few times. The part of my family that says they're liberal secular humanists are actually worse than the catholic conservatives, too! Nothing but crude sexual and sexist humor, racist humor, "you're thinking too much like a woman" kind of crap. They claim they're all for LGBTQ rights, but they don't even know how to act around the one gay man they know-- their own uncle!

It's definitely this kind of stoic, one-upping culture where the coolest guy wins for saying the worst stuff. And then there are the mean nicknames for everybody, and apparently that's part of the culture too. I guess being treated like crap and constantly having to have your guard up means you've finally gotten close to somebody.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't feel comfortable coming out to any of them, though. The catholic cousins would probably shun me, and the atheist cousins would probably ask me all sorts of questions about my sex life and question my husband's identity because it would be funny to them. We're third generation, though, so more distant family that have stronger ties to Mexico and our wider community I'm sure is quite an unbearable place for a TG to be.

I'm trying to reconnect with my culture and my roots, too, which is actually quite painful to reconcile with my gender. I've written before about how being asexual, not fully romantic, and nongendered makes me feel the most disconnected and the most "White" (you know, the whiteness construct) out of anything else, and I hate that too. It's a crappy tug-o-war. :[

[oneprettywoman]

I have grown quite bitter towards my own cultural background as a Filipina. It is so sad that Philippine culture is still filled with stereotypes and machismo that detracts people like gays and lesbians from total acceptance.

I used to get called a 'bakla' ('gay male') in my culture by Filipino people on street, generally men. I cried once because I was tired of just coming out to the store when I have people like that in my own neighbourhood. Everywhere else, I generally go under the radar, but I guess my voice perhaps gave me away to other Filipinos.

And then I get stared at by Filipina women, either with shock or disapproval. Even my extended family used it a few times, perhaps naively. I ended up crying and telling them "I'M NOT BAKLA!"

It makes me hate myself, really.

It makes me really negative towards my culture... Why should I be part of something that will conflate me to a hurtful and non-applicable label? Why should I learn my parents' home language, when it is the same language that hurts me?

You  appear  to  be  full of  resentment." and  quite  pretty"
and  resentment  is  the  most debilitating form of  hate.


To  forgive means to  forget.

If  you  can  find it in  your  heart,  to  forgive  everyone that  has  ever  caused  you  pain-  then  all  those  bad   memories  will  disappear.
It  will be like  they never  occurred.
It can  free you,  so  you  can  live out the  rest of  your  life- happy  - content - with   friends  and  lovers.

Or  you  can  live out  the  rest of you  life  in  clinical  depression-

choose!

[Evolving Beauty]

I don't know how they clock you cos your face is really very passable.

[~RoadToTrista~]

You shouldn't be ashamed; it's not like everyone else's ethnic culture is much better about things like that.

[Shantel]

I'm sorry Rahel, you are a very beautiful woman in my estimation. Ignorance is usually the foundation on which fear is built, fear breeds malice and hatred. Unfortunately when those elements are present hearts and minds slam shut and walls go up resistant to becoming informed and knowledgeable about GLBTI issues. If you don't believe this just look at certain elements of black and white America. The answer of course is a complete change of heart, a spiritual rebirth.

[stavraki]

I have grown quite bitter towards my own cultural background as a Filipina. It is so sad that Philippine culture is still filled with stereotypes and machismo that detracts people like gays and lesbians from total acceptance.

I used to get called a 'bakla' ('gay male') in my culture by Filipino people on street, generally men. I cried once because I was tired of just coming out to the store when I have people like that in my own neighbourhood. Everywhere else, I generally go under the radar, but I guess my voice perhaps gave me away to other Filipinos.

And then I get stared at by Filipina women, either with shock or disapproval. Even my extended family used it a few times, perhaps naively. I ended up crying and telling them "I'M NOT BAKLA!"

It makes me hate myself, really.

It makes me really negative towards my culture... Why should I be part of something that will conflate me to a hurtful and non-applicable label? Why should I learn my parents' home language, when it is the same language that hurts me?

They reject us for difference and so the pain of loss is unbearable at times, and we're scarred as we have conversations with angry people about a native energy of mind and body.  And ur a beautiful woman and not yet fully at peace - how can you be after growing up in a world like the one you describe.  I can't imagine that being at peace yet is possible for a young person, in a stubborn, resistant cultural backdrop.  Ur running, hard in a head wind.  But I have this sense that you'll be like a great, strong woman one day, poised, clear headed, and who can hold her own in any situation and who will know how to shepherd silly people who don't immediately see ur courage, strength and who would dare to tackle you.

You'll know exactly when to be poised and quiet.  Exactly when to choose ur moment and strike to block a mental onslaught.  You'll do that with dignity, grace and such subtle acumen that your antagonist won't even know how u either disarmed them, or disabled them.  You'll know exactly when to shed tears of compassion to express Grace in gratitude, for those people who adore you as you are, and in the dawning realisation that you've grown into a fine human being, 'made it thru' and wisened from ur pain.

And - every now and then, like all of the aging old guard, get just a little crabby for the right occasion too - after another day with mundane people in the mundane world who insist on being mundane, not exceptional and continue to be blind to the *exceptional* world of transgenderism.  And know u can get away with that--being crabby--because you've earned the right to that after being battle hardened but also still an exceptionally beautiful, compassionate, kind human being in the right moment.

I am bakla - and proud of that girlpower I wasn't always proud of that, I promise you.  I am now though and I faced the cultural context of Greek, superstitious villagers who insisted that certain plumbing needed to go with certain other kinds of plumbing.  Nonsense, the head knows, but the heart took another decade to start to catch up. 

Ur beautiful--and I said that because you are--and because you need to hear that right now and be proud of that.  Everyone here at this sight has exceptional beauty.  the word 'exception' means the 'exception to the rule' of the norm.  Exceptional beauty strikes the mind's eye in all the faces of the magnificent people I am getting to know here.

kind regards
stav

(start telling urself 'they're not beautiful for being unbakla and for bakla hating and for transgenderhating)

[generalchaos34]

I would say its less about your cultural background and more about what goes on when a group of testosterone driven males who are sexually insecure get into a large group. Its nice to have a strong cultural identity. You come from a proud people with strong backgrounds that are a mix of islander culture, spanish/catholic blending, and a long period of US domination. You should be proud of that. What those guys are saying isnt exactly what your culture tells them to do (although the strong spanish undertones of machismo are still there) And like many cultures that have been stuck in the shadow of the west womens rights, not just trans or gay rights are still behind in some ways. I say you should be proud, but also work to make sure that your fellows are also understanding how all of you can be proud together. Make that negative a positive. If someone calls you that, politely inform them of what you are (a pretty young lady) and let them know that that language is impolite. Now it probably wont work all the time, but you are being positive about it, so eventually you will change someones opinion, and thats all that counts.

Me, im about as white as a sheet and we don't even really know where we came from, much less having a cultural identity beyond "Mom and Apple Pie." In fact, I moved around so much I don't even have a regional identity. Maybe thats a contributing reason for my dysphoria, who knows. I have to make it up as I go, its kind of a blank slate in some ways (there are no traditions for anything really) but its also lacking soul or any measure of identity.

So be proud of your culture, your myths, legends, language, and worldview, it is uniquely constructed from centuries of people, family, and friends coming together sharing their experiences and making them available for following generations. i wish i could have something like what you have, even if there are the detraction of some ignorance, but really, that kind of thing is everywhere still. Just be glad you don't have the alternative, it is pretty....bland.

[stavraki]

I would say its less about your cultural background and more about what goes on when a group of testosterone driven males who are sexually insecure get into a large group. Its nice to have a strong cultural identity. You come from a proud people with strong backgrounds that are a mix of islander culture, spanish/catholic blending, and a long period of US domination. You should be proud of that. What those guys are saying isnt exactly what your culture tells them to do (although the strong spanish undertones of machismo are still there) And like many cultures that have been stuck in the shadow of the west womens rights, not just trans or gay rights are still behind in some ways. I say you should be proud, but also work to make sure that your fellows are also understanding how all of you can be proud together. Make that negative a positive. If someone calls you that, politely inform them of what you are (a pretty young lady) and let them know that that language is impolite. Now it probably wont work all the time, but you are being positive about it, so eventually you will change someones opinion, and thats all that counts.

Me, im about as white as a sheet and we don't even really know where we came from, much less having a cultural identity beyond "Mom and Apple Pie." In fact, I moved around so much I don't even have a regional identity. Maybe thats a contributing reason for my dysphoria, who knows. I have to make it up as I go, its kind of a blank slate in some ways (there are no traditions for anything really) but its also lacking soul or any measure of identity.

So be proud of your culture, your myths, legends, language, and worldview, it is uniquely constructed from centuries of people, family, and friends coming together sharing their experiences and making them available for following generations. i wish i could have something like what you have, even if there are the detraction of some ignorance, but really, that kind of thing is everywhere still. Just be glad you don't have the alternative, it is pretty....bland.

I love that! gotta smile here

[Shantel]

Me, im about as white as a sheet and we don't even really know where we came from, much less having a cultural identity beyond "Mom and Apple Pie." In fact, I moved around so much I don't even have a regional identity. Maybe thats a contributing reason for my dysphoria, who knows. I have to make it up as I go, its kind of a blank slate in some ways (there are no traditions for anything really) but its also lacking soul or any measure of identity.

So be proud of your culture, your myths, legends, language, and worldview, it is uniquely constructed from centuries of people, family, and friends coming together sharing their experiences and making them available for following generations. i wish i could have something like what you have, even if there are the detraction of some ignorance, but really, that kind of thing is everywhere still. Just be glad you don't have the alternative, it is pretty....bland.

I helped a local Japanese lady build her raised herb garden, she fixed a delicious and very typical Asian meal for lunch and gave me a rice cooker with instructions on how to do rice properly. One of her comments was almost insulting, but I got where she was coming from as I had spent several years in Asian countries. She said, "You people are all mongrels here in America!" She went on to say, "We all know and revere our families for many generations back, we are an ancient ethnic culture over 3000 years old and beyond and know our history as a people, you people are from everywhere and have no idea where you came from beyond a generation or two and your children have no respect for their elders!" Harsh as it sounded I had to concede that she is right. Rahel, you may suffer some indignities but it's not the fault of your race and ethnicity which you should be proud of, it's the fault of some crude types with rude behavior which probably wouldn't have happened a few generations earlier.

[Tristan]

I'm sorry. I can only imagine how you feel. I come from a mixed family that has been kind of big on the church. So I can relate. If your lucky though your family will come around at some point . I use to hate my mixed background and my eye color (which I still do hide) but I have been able to over come that and I hope you will too girl