Good News? Kinda

[justchillin]

Well It's been a minute since I've posted here. I guess the amount of anxiety attack are receding. As of right now the one of the bigger topic at this point of my journey is "Am I transgender" and I can honestly say YES. I made a deal with myself that before I took any steps, I want to do it with confidence. Unfortunately one reason I feel this way is because of my clarified feelings of dysphoria.


I feel like my feeling of dysphoria is slowly becoming worse or at least I'm starting to understand it's severity. I recently turned 20 (well last month). The hair on my body is growing faster and thicker. I mean I look at my arms and even the hair on my biceps are getting dark. I DON'T WANT THIS. It's bitter sweet because I'm happy that now I know what I want now and what I don't want.

I also wish to ask a question about dysphoria. For the longest I would read the "standard" definition for dysphoria and feel really confused because I didn't feel it in the way that they defined it. My question is, has there been a moment where your didn't recognize the feeling but you knew something was off? Or are you supposed to just know.

[SaveMeJeebus]

What do you mean? Do you mean, if there's been a period of time when i've forget about it? I never knew of 'body dysphoria order' until someone mentioned it to me this year. I have always felt incredible uncomfortable with my body, i just never thought about labeling myself.

[greenroot22]

i haven't bothered with actually reading the "standard" definition of dysphoria. i already know that the society that made the word would more than likely declare that i am not standard. I've been reading about how others define the feeling, and going from there.

i already know that my body is all wrong. but i still have to figure out how on my own. sure there are doctors to help with that, and i am talking to one (at least i am waiting for the second appointment). but finally saying something about my dysphoria, and the related stuff to go along with it has made things so much more bearable.

no matter where i am going, i know it will be a long road. it always is as far as i can tell

take things at your own pace, and don't jump the gun if you don't feel ready to go down a path.

oh, and to actually answer your question. yes, i spent most of my life not knowing about what i was feeling. and i even assumed that it was something that was "wrong" with me. i'm now 25, and finally doing something about it. i never really was in an environment that i could talk about it anyways. but there is always tomorrow, and things are finally looking up, even if i don't quite know where i happen to be going with it.

[Rin]

I always knew something was off, but never could quite put my finger on it. I was always written off as a "tomboy" or "it's just [name]'s low self-esteem issues, you should really get a therapist", so that's what I got instead of anyone actually, I don't know, asking me about how I was feeling.

I never read the "standard" definition of dysphoria either. I just knew that there were some days I would wake up and feel disgusted and wouldn't know why. I would get sick over it, and I never realized it was because of the dysphoria until I realized the reason I was disgusted was because of my own body. I didn't even know the word "dysphoria" until a few years ago, so all that time growing up I was either "sick" or had "low self-esteem issues". Because how else is a kid that feels like this going to be able to describe it beyond "I hate my body"? It's hard to get it across when you're not precisely sure what you're feeling, but you know it just feels wrong.

[justchillin]

I'm sorry. When i mention the standard definition I mean the one I tend to hear about, from my understanding gender dysphoria is to feel of  sadness or anxious because of the gender you currently inhabit and I started to doubt myself because I didn't feel this type of dysphoria I wasn't exactly sad or depressed just......uncomfortable.

What do you mean? Do you mean, if there's been a period of time when i've forget about it? I never knew of 'body dysphoria order' until someone mentioned it to me this year. I have always felt incredible uncomfortable with my body, i just never thought about labeling myself.

In a way yes. I mean has there been a moment where you just didn't know what to call your feelings? For me I was never particularly sad or even depressed it was more like a itch that's too deep to scratch (lack of better words).

I no longer seek to label myself to the degree that I use to. But some time it just nice to have a name for something.

[SaveMeJeebus]

I'm sorry. When i mention the standard definition I mean the one I tend to hear about, from my understanding gender dysphoria is to feel of  sadness or anxious because of the gender you currently inhabit and I started to doubt myself because I didn't feel this type of dysphoria I wasn't exactly sad or depressed just......uncomfortable.

In a way yes. I mean has there been a moment where you just didn't know what to call your feelings? For me I was never particularly sad or even depressed it was more like a itch that's too deep to scratch (lack of better words).

I no longer seek to label myself to the degree that I use to. But some time it just nice to have a name for something.

My shoddy response as i am tired. I think there may have been a time where i didn't know what to call my feelings. I have always felt sad and depressed though, but i have had moments where i have temporarily, only for split seconds later to feel what i feel again. As i said, i never thought about labeling myself, but it is nice to be put somewhere, to know others fall into the same category too.

[Ltl89]

People experience dysphoria in different ways.  I don't think there is really a standard way to define everyone's experience.  There are usually common dysphoric things that we share, but that seems to be the only common denominator.  I had gender dysphoria for years before I labelled myself as transgender.  In my case, it was due to denial and lack of education regarding the tg community. 

[Jamie D]

My question is, has there been a moment where your didn't recognize the feeling but you knew something was off? Or are you supposed to just know.

Yeah, try for 40 years, until I thought to educate myself on what might have been the unthinkable.