When I was younger I was adamant that I wouldn't ever have children. When one of my teachers became a sort of father role model I realised that maybe I could be a parent, that I'd learned how to be a good parent from him, but I wanted to be a father figure. I was still mostly against having children because I would be a "mother" (how strange that word sounds in relation to me...). I'd just kind of resigned myself to the fact that children weren't something I was going to face, and was almost relieved when I came out to people as a lesbian because then I wouldn't be possible to have a child (other than IVF/adoption of course, and that seems the exception rather than the rule in the lesbian couples I know. At the time I didn't know any gay couple with a child, except for a bisexual woman who'd had a kid in a previous relationship.).
Now I'm catching myself smiling when I see fathers and their children because I know I'll be doing that myself one day. I'll be carrying my kid down the road to whatever village activity is going on, or playing football in the park (if my girlfriend ever teaches me how lol), and being the parent who encourages his kids to climb trees and get filthy despite his wives protests. Okay, that's all a bit idyllic, and naive, and it's going to be more of fights to get them to do homework and fretting about what troubles they might be in when they turn into a moody teenager and don't talk to us anymore. But I can imagine myself having children now I've worked out which parent I'm supposed to be, while I never could before.
I just wondered if it's a common thing. I think now I'm more pro-children than my girlfriend now -- not that it's something that's going to happen any time soon! -- whilst for a long time it was the other way around. And no, I'm not broody in a maternal sense in anyway shape or form. I couldn't care less about whether I pass on my genes (better off without them), and the thought of birthing... let's not go there.
