So it has been just over two years since I came to terms with my gender, 10 months since I came out to my friends and family and 6.5 months since I have started hormones. It all started for me when I was just ten years old and I started becoming attracted to girls, not only physically but in a way I couldn't explain, all I knew is that I had to be one. All I ever wished for in my years since was simply to wake up one day as a girl but that wish never came true. It was honestly a scary time in that I had no one to talk to about such feelings and that they simply were wrong. So in response to such feelings I just repressed them and I just ignored them. It would be until college that they would surface again, I started experimenting by wearing some of my sisters clothing, which in retrospect I should not have done but then again it was much needed experimenting. At first I was a bit disgusted by my actions that it was wrong to do all that but then I slowly came to realize that it wasn't wrong to wear womens clothing and that every time I dressed up I some how felt better. Around this time I came to terms that I had some serious gender issues and told a few real close friends about it but I never really came out yet. It was like this until last September when I was tired of seeing my balding head and knowing that I was miserable living as a guy did I finally come out to everyone. I came out as transgender and I identify moreso as genderfluid, I like playing the male role ever so often. After being hospitalized for a week due to depression, something I would rather shy away from for now, I finally saw a psychologist whom I still see to this day. After three months of simply reaffirming how I felt I finally got a letter of recommendation to start hormones and finally on January 3rd of this year a life long dream began. I was put on estrogen and then 7 weeks later finally started T-blockers. For the first five months I was really anxious and even depressed by it due to how impatient I was with the hormones. I even started taking extra doses for a period of a few weeks until I finally told my psychologist. When I did tell her we had a lengthy conversation about it for a couple sessions and it bought me to reality finally. I learned that it doesn't happen over night and I need to be so patient with it that I can't even think about it other than taking my pills and comments I keep getting from my friends make about certain developments such as my hair growing back long and that I'm starting to grow breasts.
If there is anything I would tell anyone who is transgender is to be strong, confident and patient. Don't let others take you down, go to your local LGBT center and seek some help, there are people who are more than willing to. Don't be afraid of who you are, it's perfectly natural to be questioning of your gender. Modern medicine has come to a point where we can finally bring out who we are on the inside. I also stress patience, I said it once and I will say it again, be patient do not expect anything to happen over night, and be happy that you are on the right path. In time the hormones will take their course and change you for the better.
It has been an absolutely wonderful journey so far and that I couldn't do it without the support of my friends and family. I hope that everyone has a wonderful journey and thank you for reading this lengthy post
