Androgyne Subtleties

[Shantel]

    We see so many posts by MtF and FtM's passing in public though usually passing isn't a concern for those of us who present androgynously, yesterday was one of those typical days for me. The weather here has been very summery and mid-70's pleasant and I went shopping and later to Starbucks for a coffee and light lunch. I have been growing my hair back out from my previous buzz cut with the help of a stylist. It's become rather sparse on top and so to avoid a sunburn I wore a baseball cap with a rakish crush on the bill, my now silver hair upswept on the sides and poofed in the back and had on my aviator sunglasses. I was wearing a blue hawaiian style cotton short sleeved shirt with white flowers over a woman's white scoop necked tank top. The shirt worn with tails out was unbuttoned well below the scoop neck exposing the top of my cleavage. Below that were some Levi 511 skinny dark denim jeans, I prefer them because they have deep enough pockets for a wallet as opposed to women's jeans, though they fit just as snugly and since I don't have a big "package" sans kahones I can wear them high in the crotch female mode. I was shod in a pair of rather unique brown leather Clarks sandals.
    You might say what's so unusual about this? Well it is the subtile ambiguity of the picture as a whole that makes it work. I get more double takes and "Hi's" from men and long looks, smiles and extended eye contact from women of all ages that it is totally satisfying and makes my day just perfect.


(It would help if I spelled subtleties correctly) 

[Beth Andrea]

That is awesome, Shan!

[blue]

Thank your for this post! I love reading about what you wore and how you thought through an androgyne presentation.

Wish there was a safe place to share photos.

[Shantel]

Thank your for this post! I love reading about what you wore and how you thought through an androgyne presentation.

Wish there was a safe place to share photos.

There is "Just for us" forum. Only registered members can access that forum.

[blue]

There is "Just for us" forum. Only registered members can access that forum.

I can't seem to find it. Maybe not accessble to all registered members, or I am really missing something.

[Shantel]

I can't seem to find it. Maybe not accessble to all registered members, or I am really missing something.

I spoke too soon, it was just shut down, it's only going to be available to those who are subscribing. Susan has a ton of out of pocket expenses into this website and has been supporting it on her own all these years and has come to the place where she needs a little help from the membership as they are able which is more than fair. Frankly I'm amazed that she hasn't asked for membership financial participation a lot sooner.

[DriftingCrow]

    You might say what's so unusual about this? Well it is the subtile ambiguity of the picture as a whole that makes it work. I get more double takes and "Hi's" from men and long looks, smiles and extended eye contact from women of all ages that it is totally satisfying and makes my day just perfect.

I love your description Shantel. I've had similar experiences if I go out in men's clothes but have maybe some sort of female accessory, it's like it takes people longer to figure out what they're seeing.

I also saw this gorgeous andro guy (I know he's a bio male, he was my barista for awhile) a few months ago in line at Starbucks wearing girl sandals, these fabulous female shorts that were the kind that has a high waste, a button up blouse tied at his navel, bright red lipstick, yet half his head was clipped really short short while the other side was long with a nice taper in the back. I could tell people who didn't know him was trying to figure out his sex, but he seemed to be completely enjoying himself and totally comfortable with who he is. [I am just using "he" since I think he identifies as male from my brief encounters with him, though I've never asked]. When I was younger, I had a similar haircut, though the long side wasn't nearly as long as his was, I think it's a creative way of showing the female and male in yourself.

[Shantel]

I love your description Shantel. I've had similar experiences if I go out in men's clothes but have maybe some sort of female accessory, it's like it takes people longer to figure out what they're seeing.

I like to keep tweak the casual observers brains and keep them guessing. Most of our brothers and sisters outside of this forum would have a hard time with it, I smile and exude an outgoing personality so it works well for me and I enjoy it. Not everyone is able to pull it off and be comfortable.

I also saw this gorgeous andro guy (I know he's a bio male, he was my barista for awhile) a few months ago in line at Starbucks wearing girl sandals, these fabulous female shorts that were the kind that has a high waste, a button up blouse tied at his navel, bright red lipstick, yet half his head was clipped really short short while the other side was long with a nice taper in the back. I could tell people who didn't know him was trying to figure out his sex, but he seemed to be completely enjoying himself and totally comfortable with who he is. [I am just using "he" since I think he identifies as male from my brief encounters with him, though I've never asked]. When I was younger, I had a similar haircut, though the long side wasn't nearly as long as his was, I think it's a creative way of showing the female and male in yourself.

Sounds like a real colorful type, Starbucks is a rather progressive employer allowing for personal expression like that. Perhaps you might engage that person in conversation at some point and congratulate him on his presentation. Who knows, you might have a new friend!

[blue]

I spoke too soon, it was just shut down, it's only going to be available to those who are subscribing. Susan has a ton of out of pocket expenses into this website and has been supporting it on her own all these years and has come to the place where she needs a little help from the membership as they are able which is more than fair. Frankly I'm amazed that she hasn't asked for membership financial participation a lot sooner.

If you subscribe, maybe you could keep us posted if there is much androgyne participation over there? I would think there might not be, just so few of us.

[Shantel]

If you subscribe, maybe you could keep us posted if there is much androgyne participation over there? I would think there might not be, just so few of us.

Unfortunately you are right on both counts. Ativan would attest to the fact that Androgyne was not even a forum here until recently considering the length of time Susan has had this site up and running. I'll have to give her loads of credit for being sensitive to the need and creating this forum.  As it stands now, no matter where you go you will find that we are a minority and often considered a fringe element by the militant MtF and Ftm types who have their eye focused specifically on gender and passing, wheras we are more interested in achieving a non-gender or mixed-gender specific persona for various and sometimes different personal reasons. We can post photos on this thread if we wish. I may eventually if I could get someone to take a few digital photos that I consider half way decent. Meanwhile, if you look around on some of the threads in this forum there are several good photos that have been posted by androgynous folks.

[blue]

Unfortunately you are right on both counts. Ativan would attest to the fact that Androgyne was not even a forum here until recently considering the length of time Susan has had this site up and running. I'll have to give her loads of credit for being sensitive to the need and creating this forum.  As it stands now, no matter where you go you will find that we are a minority and often considered a fringe element by the militant MtF and Ftm types who have their eye focused specifically on gender and passing, wheras we are more interested in achieving a non-gender or mixed-gender specific persona for various and sometimes different personal reasons. We can post photos on this thread if we wish. I may eventually if I could get someone to take a few digital photos that I consider half way decent. Meanwhile, if you look around on some of the threads in this forum there are several good photos that have been posted by androgynous folks.

Thank you Shantel for taking care of this forum, reaching out and welcoming people and helping it to grow. It's really good to have a place to explore being andro in identity and presentation. The trajectories to androgyne seem to vary a lot, and androgyny seems to be a very personal mix and match of male and female traits... I'd expect a lot of diversity in androgyne personas. Am determined to see this as a creative opportunity not a problem, even if not passing as cis can be a very big problem (as well as a goal for some of us, at least some of the time!).

[Tessa James]

Keep it up Shan!  We need your educational perspectives even when you're just having a perfect day in the sunshine.  Androgyne, gender queer, and trans without the binary goals---now that's a bigger dose of freedom for me.

Thank you

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

Shantel you are awesome.

[Shantel]

Shantel you are awesome.

Auntie Shan is just here for her kids!  Thanks, we just want to have a sense of humor when we go out in the world and enjoy who we are without a lot of self generated internal fear and unwarranted concern about how we will be received by others.

[insideontheoutside]

Thanks, we just want to have a sense of humor when we go out in the world and enjoy who we are without a lot of self generated internal fear and unwarranted concern about how we will be received by others.

I've been trying to get to that place. I'm close to it at least!

[Shantel]

I've been trying to get to that place. I'm close to it at least!

When we reach the place where we are unconcerned about what others think or say, then we are no longer fair game for taunts and intimidation. When we are out in public places and we move our eyes around furtively and wonder about what others are thinking when they see us and act timid and fearful, some will invariably view it as an outward sign of insecurity, then we become a potential target for derision and negative remarks from social bullies. That dynamic changes dramatically when we make the choice to project a sense of self confidence and pride that shows in how we carry ourselves and in our outward attitude and behavior, then those obnoxious types who prey on the insecurities of those who are different from them lose interest in trying to emotionally intimidate because we have chosen to take their power over us away.

[blue]

When we reach the place where we are unconcerned about what others think or say, then we are no longer fair game for taunts and intimidation. When we are out in public places and we move our eyes around furtively and wonder about what others are thinking when they see us and act timid and fearful, some will invariably view it as an outward sign of insecurity, then we become a potential target for derision and negative remarks from social bullies. That dynamic changes dramatically when we make the choice to project a sense of self confidence and pride that shows in how we carry ourselves and in our outward attitude and behavior, then those obnoxious types who prey on the insecurities of those who are different from them lose interest in trying to emotionally intimidate because we have chosen to take their power over us away.

I think there is tremendous social power in self confidence. That said, I don't want to blame the victims of harassment and discrimination, and I don't want to be blamed for the experiences I have had when people have not been able to read me and freaked out. So much depends on where you live.

[Shantel]

I think there is tremendous social power in self confidence. That said, I don't want to blame the victims of harassment and discrimination, and I don't want to be blamed for the experiences I have had when people have not been able to read me and freaked out. So much depends on where you live.

It does to a certain extent, but then when someone "freaks out" at my appearance I can only conclude that they are having a problem that thankfully isn't mine and hopefully they can get over it. It entails developing a thicker hide and becoming impervious to the darts and arrows of one or two individuals unable to cope with reality. I know a lot of people aren't strong enough to do this easily, but it's do-able and something we can all work at achieving for our own serenity.

[blue]

With all that said, where can I as an androgyne go to share/work on skills in coping with the freakouts? Not skills in coping with my hurt feelings that someone doesn't like me, I'm actually doing pretty good there. But skills in coping with the shunning, denials of access, threats and actual violence? Where I won't be blamed or shamed for my failure to pass as either a man or a woman? (Because I have had enough of that for a lifetime!)

[Shantel]

With all that said, where can I as an androgyne go to share/work on skills in coping with the freakouts? Not skills in coping with my hurt feelings that someone doesn't like me, I'm actually doing pretty good there. But skills in coping with the shunning, denials of access, threats and actual violence? Where I won't be blamed or shamed for my failure to pass as either a man or a woman? (Because I have had enough of that for a lifetime!)

I don't have a good answer for you other than it's something we all have to develop on our own. I come from a situation which isn't common to this community. I spent two enlistments in the paratroops in my earlier life, it left me with a no-nonsense attitude which I'm told I somehow project just by my presence. My face is intentionally shaded in my avatar photo on purpose because I'm not an attractive feminine type, oftentimes being mistaken for an FtM or a lesbian dyke. There is no "how to" school here, wish it was that easy for those who could use the help! I'm sorry that you have suffered for just trying to be yourself. I live in Washington, one of the most liberal states just north of Seattle, still there are a fair share of Neanderthals here as well.