Do you think marriage equality should be top priority to GLBT-community?

[formerMTF]

What do you think?

[Natkat]

first to comment.

No I dont think its the top proirity or should be.
but it also depends on where you are how marrige works. For some places marrige is very important and has some lawfull distributes, and for others this is just a ritual.

I think marrige manly got so much focus cause of its symbolised meaning.

[Nathan.]

I think it's important but it's nowhere near the most important thing we should be fighting for.

[peky]

# 1 priority should be making SRS mandatory in all insurance program,


# 2 priority should be passing ENDA

[Jayne]

I think that all this recent fuss about pushing through gay marriage in the UK is a cynical attempt at vote grabbing.

There are more important things to consider such as educating the public to reduce homo/transphobia, reducing the red tape & associated delays this causes for transitioning on the NHS.
I also believe that the government should revise their stance on the NHS providing electrolosys & masectomy for trans patients, I'm starting to believe having these procedures done can often mean more to transpersons mental health than SRS.

The recent attempt at pushing through gay marriage was just an eye catching headline & many politicians now have egg on their faces as a result.

[sophieoftn]

For the LGB community, marriage equality is often a real-and-present question --- as it can be phrased: "I have a life partner. Can I legally-wed the life partner I have?"

For many in the trans community, though, it's a far more remote question that could be phrased: "HYPOTHETICALLY, if I had a life-partner, could I in this HYPOTHETICAL situation legally-wed this HYPOTHETICAL life-partner?"

Obviously, we'd prefer the answer to the hypothetical question be "yes" ---- but should it be as high a priority as if it were a real-and-present question?

Seriously, one cause I would very sincerely want to get the discussion rolling on is Dating Equality. Yes, there will always be people who see us as less-desirable for being trans. Dating Equality is NOT about changing that. It's about changing ways that the dating game is so heavily stacked against us in many areas. These include little things such as (a) the expectation of immediate-disclosure (b) reluctance of peers to set us up with someone other than >-bleeped-<->-bleeped-<s (c) expectation that we avoid courting behaviors that others of our gender take for granted --- and possibly other things as well.

None of these things are simply matters of someone else's preference as those who dismiss the issue of Dating Equality think. To demonstrate this, I can give some examples of contrasting how some of these issues are now vs. how they will be if the discrimination is lifted while the personal-preference barrier remains in-tact. (Though I can't explain all of them in a post this small -- that would take a book.)

Let's look at the expectation of the expectation of immediate-disclosure. Currently, it is generally regarded as risky behavior to date someone unless you've made sure they know you are trans. Failure to do so could result in violence when the secret comes out. Even if that doesn't happen, if you reveal it (for example) on the third date, to avoid rejection, the positive things he learned about you up to that point don't just have to outshine you being trans. They also have to outshine the judgement that you're somehow "dishonest" -- what for? For not having aired your dirty-laundry *prior* to the first-date! (Now you can say you don't like seeing it as dirty-laundry --- and if that's how you feel for yourself, that's fine --- but other transwomen such as myself who *do* feel that this is our dirty laundry --- well - only we can make this judgement for ourselves.)

Anyhoo -- unless you are willing to date a >-bleeped-<->-bleeped-<, this expectation can make dating virtually impossible. Because if I have to disclose being trans on the get-go, I won't have the chance to first show him other things about myself that I hope will outshine my being trans.

So --- now let's look at how it would be if this discriminatory meme were removed yet the personal-preference barrier remained in-tact.

I could go on a few dates with a guy --- get to show him the aspects of myself that I hope he will want me FOR --- and then, say, I reveal my trans-ness on the third date ---- first of all, no violence. Then, he may be a bit put-off about me being trans. However, if the other things he learned about me up till this point outshine this, there won't be a judgement of me being "dishonest" that they will have to outshine in *addition* to that.

This way, I'd have a chance of being lived for who I am as a whole -- which is a woman -- and not have to chose between a >-bleeped-<->-bleeped-< or nothing-at-all.

Now that I've provided this contrast, I'd do the same with a few other social memes against us in dating --- but I don't have all night (at least tonight I don't) and I *am* typing on a tiny iPhone keyboard.

Now - I realize there's no easy answers here. After all, these are social memes that (unlike marriage equality) can't be fixed by legislation. However, for many in the trans community, this is a very important issue --- in some places to the point that marriage equality is pretty much moot till it is dealt with. I really wish we could at *least* get a serious *discussion* rolling about finding strategies to start confronting, and (hopefully some day) *correcting* these injustices in the dating game.

And until then - yes, I support marriage equality --- but for reasons just stated it is a very very low priority for me.

[Lex]

Honestly, I don't think there should be a "priority spot" based on what we need or want most. In my opinion, the "priority spot" should be for the goals that are most likely to be accepted by society at that time. Which is what I believe to be marriage equality at this time. We live in a society right now that is often times not accepting of anything LGBT and as such there need to be baby steps. Yes, marriage equality may not seem like the kind of  progress we want as trans folks BUT it's still progress. Think of it this way, the more LGBs get accepted and integrated by society, trans related legislature and acceptance will increase for trans folks as well. Just like knowing someone who is LGB often makes it easier for people to accept someone who is T. Community and knowledge are our most powerful weapons agains oppression. The last thing we need is to fight amongst ourselves as to who's problems are more important. The progress of the group becomes the progress of the individual. That was my 2 cents.