Confidence shot down

[Des]

So for the last couple of months I've been working on how I would come out to my housemates if I wasn't going to move into my own place. I've had a few months of therapy and built up my confidence and planned it step by step, who I would tell first and how I would do it. I figured if I had the chance to explain to them one by one in more medical terms that they would be more understanding and accepting.

I got really close to it one night and thought "I should tell one of them today" because I'd been prepping her up for it >.> as sly as that may sound lol we were all gathered downstairs and one of my house mates decided to put a documentary on...lo and behold it was one about "Lady boys in Thailand" -_- and they just pretty much made the whole thing seem ridiculous, focused on how these people had sex change to become prostitutes etc. I tried to suggest a channel change by hinting that we should watch Family guy cause it was on around that time but for some reason this guy insisted we watched this instead.

It really bugged me because the documentary shot down the whole process and my confidence and planning went away just like that, all because of media ignorance. A few of my house mates didn't really react much to it but this one guy (huge ego, loud, obnoxious, alpha male sort) made all sorts of comments and laughed about it, I tried to casually defend it by mentioning that "this is so black and white not everybody who undergoes transition does it for the hell of it and money, it's a medical condition and is in most cases life and death" he scoffed at me and couldn't understand what I said so I asked what he would do if he mentally the way he is now, loves "being a stud" (his own words) but couldn't be one because he was in a female body and it didn't match his brain. His response "well....nah, I'd love my tits". None of us were really impressed as we've all had issues about his behaviour for a while, I think after that he could sense the tension and agreed to change the channel.

But has anyone ever been in the same situation where you're so close to coming out to someone etc and then they get the wrong information about it from someone else/some where else first? Kinda sucks and I feel like it's a huge kink in my plans and time table v.v just gotta find a way to move forward again.

[Tessa James]

One aspect of coming out is the sensational nature of our disclosure.  It can be huge news and may be shocking to some people.  I entertained the plan to gradually tell select family and friends but found some people seemed compelled to share the news.  I believe that it is in our clear best interest to tell our own story.  We really are unique individuals and while we may have similar issues the stereotypes that get tossed around can be hurtful and terribly inaccurate.  Your male roommate sounds like so many typically unsympathetic folks who may treat us as a joke and perhaps he merits the same attention of any bad joke.  Yes there can be real tension for people hearing our coming out story.  Some can internalize the concept and respond defensively "not me."  I find that sharing my story and vulnerability often leads to people sharing similarly sensitive issues of their own.  I find I have, therefore, actually become closer with the people that matter most in my life.  Honesty is often reciprocal.
I encourage anyone coming out to "own your story."   Again the spreading "news" is often impossible to control once we let our Genie out of the bottle.  Susan's place has lots of examples of letters and other coming out help to consider.  Good to know that you are working with a therapist and are earnestly looking for ways to move forward.  There seem to be a number of tasks that we may experience to be our authentic self.