Meeting other transguys. Being a ->-bleeped-<-?

[Mr.X]

Hey guys,

I was just wondering what you guys think of this. Sometimes threads pop up about dating and such, and dating sites, and the term ->-bleeped-<-s is used. I am not sure I understand this concept, but ->-bleeped-<-s are people who actively seek out (for example) transguys because of their original plumming, don't they? Forgive me if I'm wrong.

I was wondering if I would be considered a ->-bleeped-<-. Lately I feel very lonely, and I would love to meet someone/that special person. I haven't had surgery yet, and I've only been so long on T, so I still look partially like a female. This means that dating other guys (I'm gay) is pretty much out of the question. This made me think, and whenever I think about a partner, I think another gay transguy would be perfect.

Why? Not because of what parts they may or may not have, but because of the connection and shared experiences. Sexually, I couldn't care less. I don't like my body, and having sex right now is something I barely consider. But emotionally, I think another FtM (or whatever term you prefer) would be great because we would understand each other, and treat each other as real guys because that's what we are. I think that mutual understanding and respect would be an awesome base for a relationship. Of course, I still wouldn't know where to meet someone, but it is just a thought now (and any suggestions on how to meet other transguys are welcome!).

What do you guys think? Is that considered being a ->-bleeped-<-? This term is always used in a negative sense, so I sincerely hope not.

[King Malachite]

To me, nope.  That's just called having a preference.  Nothing wrong with that as long as you're seeking an emotional connection in my opinion.

As for meeting other transguys, try some local transgender support groups near you if you have any.

[oneprettywoman]

All mammals have a herding Instinct , it   increases  the  odds  for their survival.

observe  humans ( of any age ) they   collect  together  in the  "priority"  of  age then sex ( male / female ), race, dress,   religion  and  so on.

We   seek  friends  based  on  similarity  and  proximity.

We  seek a  mate  also  based  on  a  priority  structure-  priority  # 1   -  if  you  feel  you are  female   then  you  will seek  someone  over  4  inches  taller  then  you.
If you feel  you  are  male  then  you  will  seek  someone  over  4  inches  shorter  then  you.

You  are lonely  and  seek  a  friend-  someone  who  you  can  talk  to  and  do  things  together.

[ForWantOf]

No, I wouldn't say you're a ->-bleeped-<- at all. I've never seen any kind of concrete definition of one but I always interpreted it as being somebody who is attracted to another person simply because of what they have and not who they are or what they've experienced. Like, if you were fetishizing ftms' bodies and appearances instead of seeking one out because you guys could connect on a very deep emotional level, that would very definitely be chasing.

[spacerace]

I think ->-bleeped-<-s are individuals that seek out trans people just to have sex with them for the sole reason they are trans. Not a relationship even - just sex. They may use a relationship to facilitate it superficially.

Like, if you were fetishizing ftms' bodies and appearances instead of seeking one out because you guys could connect on a very deep emotional level, that would very definitely be chasing.

I agree - ->-bleeped-<-s fetishize trans people. That's the line.

[Simon]

I think ->-bleeped-<-s are individuals that seek out trans people just to have sex with them for the sole reason they are trans. Not a relationship even - just sex. They may use a relationship to facilitate it superficially.

^This.

It irks me that just because someone is solely attracted to trans people for relationships they get coined a "->-bleeped-<-". I think it's a great thing that some cis (or other trans) people seek us out for relationships. Why wouldn't that be good for us? It boggles my mind that there are transguys who complain about being lonely but they turn their nose up at anyone who openly expresses the desire to date trans folks.

Even if someone is attempting pursue trans people solely for sex I don't see the issue with it. As long as both people are aware and consenting to it. It's when people try to deceive that it becomes an issue.

To the OP: You're not a ->-bleeped-<-. The only thing you're chasing is happiness. Go for it.

[DriftingCrow]

"->-bleeped-<-" can be used for anyone who actively seeks a certain type of person to get pleasure from. I've mainly heard it used in the "chub-->-bleeped-<-" context (gay men who go after overweight/obese gay men). I don't think you're necessarily a ->-bleeped-<- because you're looking for something more on an emotional level rather than just a physical one.

Like Simon, I see no problem with ->-bleeped-<-s as long as everyone knows what's going on and is consenting.

[tvc15]

Can someone point me to where all these women congregate who only want to use me for sex?

[Horizon]

Unless some weird self-fetishism is involved, I find it hard to label trans individuals as ->-bleeped-<-s.  I think I might prefer to date another transgirl for the direct criticism and similar experiences, honestly.

[Mr.X]

Thanks for the replies, guys. It is good to know that I wouldn't be considered a ->-bleeped-<-.
However, I still struggle to understand the exact difference between just normal preferences and being a ->-bleeped-<-/someone with a fetish. After all, the fact I would look for a transguy would be due to emotional needs as opposite to physical needs. But aren't we all physically biased in a way? When you are straight, you would go for girls because they physically attract you, not men. That is called a preference. But when you would be physically attracted to someone who would have, say, breasts -and- a penis, it is called a fetish? Is this all due to what is the norm and socially accepted? Being straight and thus preferring and persuing girls is most common and thus accepted, but preferring someone with out of norm equipment is not?

Don't get me wrong, I'm still rather gay and just prefer men, but I'm trying to wrap my head around this.

[geek]

Can someone point me to where all these women congregate who only want to use me for sex?

Pretty much this! Wouldn't mind a break from fapping now that I'm newly single

[Jess42]

^This.

It irks me that just because someone is solely attracted to trans people for relationships they get coined a "->-bleeped-<-". I think it's a great thing that some cis (or other trans) people seek us out for relationships. Why wouldn't that be good for us? It boggles my mind that there are transguys who complain about being lonely but they turn their nose up at anyone who openly expresses the desire to date trans folks.

Even if someone is attempting pursue trans people solely for sex I don't see the issue with it. As long as both people are aware and consenting to it. It's when people try to deceive that it becomes an issue.

To the OP: You're not a ->-bleeped-<-. The only thing you're chasing is happiness. Go for it.

I hate to barge in on the guy's forum but I agree with Simon 100%. I find anyone that is attracted to me flattering. What we are attracted to in other people is just as much out of our control as being transgendered. I have known quite a few guys that could be deemed "->-bleeped-<-s" and all but one of them were just average guys that just happened to be attracted to trans women.

Don't worry about it Mr. X. We can't control how people percieve us. Just chase your own happiness and who you're attracted to.

[dreaming.forever]

I was wondering if I would be considered a ->-bleeped-<-. Lately I feel very lonely, and I would love to meet someone/that special person. I haven't had surgery yet, and I've only been so long on T, so I still look partially like a female. This means that dating other guys (I'm gay) is pretty much out of the question. This made me think, and whenever I think about a partner, I think another gay transguy would be perfect.

If that makes you a ->-bleeped-<-, then I'm one, too (you're not).

Thanks for the replies, guys. It is good to know that I wouldn't be considered a ->-bleeped-<-.
However, I still struggle to understand the exact difference between just normal preferences and being a ->-bleeped-<-/someone with a fetish. After all, the fact I would look for a transguy would be due to emotional needs as opposite to physical needs. But aren't we all physically biased in a way? When you are straight, you would go for girls because they physically attract you, not men. That is called a preference. But when you would be physically attracted to someone who would have, say, breasts -and- a penis, it is called a fetish? Is this all due to what is the norm and socially accepted? Being straight and thus preferring and persuing girls is most common and thus accepted, but preferring someone with out of norm equipment is not?

Don't get me wrong, I'm still rather gay and just prefer men, but I'm trying to wrap my head around this.

I would venture to guess that someone's a "->-bleeped-<-" if they're objectifying the person. Physically, everyone has some sort of preference; I don't think a preference for someone who has breasts and a penis should be considered a fetish, because while it's unusual, it's still as valid a preference as being attracted to someone with a more typical anatomy.

People who aren't ->-bleeped-<-s see the people they're interested in as more than just those aspects they find desirable. ->-bleeped-<-s, in contrast, could have very "normal" preferences but what sets them apart is they focus on that to the point of disregarding the individual's personhood (not sure if that's the right word).

So, someone with a preference who isn't a ->-bleeped-<- would perceive someone they're interested in as a person who happens to have certain desirable physical qualities, while a ->-bleeped-<- would perceive someone they're interested in as a set of certain desirable physical qualities that happen to belong to a person.

[spacerace]

Thanks for the replies, guys. It is good to know that I wouldn't be considered a ->-bleeped-<-.
However, I still struggle to understand the exact difference between just normal preferences and being a ->-bleeped-<-/someone with a fetish.

I think the term ->-bleeped-<- is really associated with men who pick up trans women just for the experience and then end up hurting them emotionally after their sexual curiosities are satisfied. If the person does this repeatedly, he then becomes a ->-bleeped-<-.

edit: didn't mean to single out genders - I just meant the cultural use of the term. Of course any gender can be a ->-bleeped-<-, and trans guys are obviously 'chased' as well.

[Nygeel]

->-bleeped-<-s have a kind of pattern. They have an assumption and idea of what they think it means to be trans. From my experiences, they generally won't use the language I use to describe myself (I call myself a "trans man" they use FTM and only FTM). In my experiences they have said things like that I'm the best of both worlds, or that they just love the masculine energy of butches and FTMs. Really, I don't get the whole masculine energy thing. A ->-bleeped-<- generally wants somebody who looks like a twink, hairless, young looking, and thin/muscular. Most of my experiences have been with people who ID as lesbians, but there are lots of straight men that I've dealt with too. In my experience, a person who is a ->-bleeped-<- would want you to be their idea of trans. Usually this means either being non-op or only having top surgery (even if YOU want to have bottom surgery).

For me, specifically...I don't feel comfortable dating or sleeping with somebody who would feel completely uncomfortable with doing so if I were cis (non-trans). ->-bleeped-<-s generally are not attracted to men but "make an exception" because of presumed genital configuration.

So, having said all of that...if you'd be cool dating a post-op trans person, or if you're attracted to men and include trans men in that definition...probably not a ->-bleeped-<-. I've actually been told I'm not trans by ->-bleeped-<-s because I don't want to sleep with them, or I don't meet their ideas of what a trans person should be.

[Nygeel]

Can someone point me to where all these women congregate who only want to use me for sex?

Dyke bars

[aleon515]

Why is it, just a question, that if people seek out males with penises that would be ok. And if people seek out women with vaginas that's ok. But if people seek out gender variant that is fetishizing. I don't know why that necessarily is.

--Jay

[Nygeel]

Why is it, just a question, that if people seek out males with penises that would be ok. And if people seek out women with vaginas that's ok. But if people seek out gender variant that is fetishizing. I don't know why that necessarily is.

--Jay

It's fetishizing to say you're seeking out people who are gender variant who aren't. If somebody were to say "I really like gender variant people" but mean it about me, I would have a problem because well...I have a binary identity.

[kaiju]

It's fetishizing to say you're seeking out people who are gender variant who aren't. If somebody were to say "I really like gender variant people" but mean it about me, I would have a problem because well...I have a binary identity.

This and also agreeing with your other post, too.

->-bleeped-<-s tend to put their fantasy expectations on trans people in general, or desire a certain aspect that not all trans people share. Y'know, because we're all individuals and not cloned copies of the same idea. They might put trans people up on a pedestal and say things like "I'm a lesbian/I'm a straight guy, I only date trans men and women!" or "I'm a straight woman/a gay dude, I only date men and trans women!" etc, which can be invalidating and really offensive to many of the people they've taken an interest in.

To the OP, I don't see anything particularly wrong with you wanting to be with someone who can understand your experiences or go through them with you. You're not seeking out trans men because you think they're MenLite™, or that they're not men but rather a butch fetish fantasy or something, you just want someone who gets you. And I think it's normal to want that? I mean, you're gay, you like men. At this point in your life, you'd like to be with another trans man.

I'd also like to throw in there that ultimately when it comes to dating, yeah, as a pre everything dude it might be hard to find a cis guy who gets it and understands you're a man, but I'd also like to note that there are cis folk who are starting to understand and not discount trans people from their dating pool just because they haven't done anything transition wise.

[aleon515]

It's fetishizing to say you're seeking out people who are gender variant who aren't. If somebody were to say "I really like gender variant people" but mean it about me, I would have a problem because well...I have a binary identity.

Well that's true. But some of us don't. I honestly can't think of anything wrong with this. I see though having some kind of fantasy expectation that you have no interest meeting.

I know a ciswoman who likes trans guys. I know some people who date her. I have listened to what she says, and I don't really see anything wrong with her. But in the abstract...

--Jay