Personal Barriers

[Riley Skye]

I am slowly learning push past the barriers I put up to hide how i feel on the inside. There are still days where I feel as if I'm trying to sprint back into the closet and feel ashamed of my cross gendered feelings. I know at heart that these negative thoughts are from years of suppression. Deep down I have always wished to wake up and be a woman but I now have to continue pushing through these barriers which are preventing me so that I can finally realize my life long dream.

[Sephirah]

I am slowly learning push past the barriers I put up to hide how i feel on the inside. There are still days where I feel as if I'm trying to sprint back into the closet and feel ashamed of my cross gendered feelings. I know at heart that these negative thoughts are from years of suppression. Deep down I have always wished to wake up and be a woman but I now have to continue pushing through these barriers which are preventing me so that I can finally realize my life long dream.

Knowing that is a big step on the road to achieving it. Barriers lose a lot of their effect once you realise they aren't impenetrable walls of impossibility, and they can be surmounted.

Keep going, you'll get there. *hugs*

[Riley Skye]

Knowing that is a big step on the road to achieving it. Barriers lose a lot of their effect once you realise they aren't impenetrable walls of impossibility, and they can be surmounted.

Keep going, you'll get there. *hugs*

Thanks ...yesterday I was out and dressed up and just started hearing those doubts that this is unacceptable. I was starting to feel wrong and shameful out of no where, reverting back to my bad years as I call them. I know that it is past habits fighting back but sometimes it just wears me down so much. I just want to be me and not have these doubts.

[Sephirah]

Thanks ...yesterday I was out and dressed up and just started hearing those doubts that this is unacceptable. I was starting to feel wrong and shameful out of no where, reverting back to my bad years as I call them. I know that it is past habits fighting back but sometimes it just wears me down so much. I just want to be me and not have these doubts.

That's your mental voice trying to stop you being hurt. We all have those, hon. Anything you try that's different to how you've always done things, that puts you in positions of potential vulnerability... the mind freaks out, and is all like "Oh heck no, you can't do that. You'll be hurt." It's like being mothered by our own brains. So it rummages around inside the subconscious for emotions that, hopefully, will put you off. If it can make you think "yeah, this doesn't feel so good, I think I'll just go back to doing what's safe, and what I know" then the defence mechanism has done its job.

One of the best ways to get round these is to try and identify all these defence mechanisms, and keep doing what you're doing. Which is easier said than done sometimes, I know. But by persevering, you let the mothering side of your brain know that "Hey, I can do this and the world doesn't end! I'm still here, and you know what? I actually feel better. So just give it a rest with the doubts, okay?"

Believe it or not, it actually works. The more you do, the more you believe you're capable of doing, and the more you let your mental guard dogs know that you're the one in charge.

[Riley Skye]

That makes sense. I feel like in a way that I'm not completely ready but I can't think of the other option because I just cannot stand living as a guy anymore. I must continue to tell myself that these are just my old defense mechanisms and that everything is fine when I got out and for the most part it is. Nothing has happened to me, people mind there own business and I largely feel comfortable and a bit nervous when I go out. Guess these are positives and I have to reinforce them.

[JoanneB]

Guilt and Shame have been my big barriers breaking blockers. It took about two years to mostly loose the shame of being TG. Guilt still rears it's ugly head when it comes to some matters surrounding my wife.

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

That's your mental voice trying to stop you being hurt. We all have those, hon. Anything you try that's different to how you've always done things, that puts you in positions of potential vulnerability... the mind freaks out, and is all like "Oh heck no, you can't do that. You'll be hurt." It's like being mothered by our own brains. So it rummages around inside the subconscious for emotions that, hopefully, will put you off. If it can make you think "yeah, this doesn't feel so good, I think I'll just go back to doing what's safe, and what I know" then the defence mechanism has done its job.

One of the best ways to get round these is to try and identify all these defence mechanisms, and keep doing what you're doing. Which is easier said than done sometimes, I know. But by persevering, you let the mothering side of your brain know that "Hey, I can do this and the world doesn't end! I'm still here, and you know what? I actually feel better. So just give it a rest with the doubts, okay?"

Believe it or not, it actually works. The more you do, the more you believe you're capable of doing, and the more you let your mental guard dogs know that you're the one in charge.

So true

I used to always revert back to 'masculine mode' every time i thought my transgendered thoughts were getting to strong!!! This was because of fear of being hurt or laughed at, and the main thing that used to effect me was the fear of what other people might think!!

I now don't let this effect me, and although a small part of me does still care what others may think of me (it is always nice to pass), i will never let the fear of what people may do or say stand in the way of me being happy.

At the end of the day, this is who i am, and im gonna live my life and be me no matter what!!

Xx

[Riley Skye]

So I'm deciding to go back to male mode publicly except at safe and queer spaces so I can rebuild my comfort level because it is just feeling kind of shattered at this point. I'm just going to go through it slowly all over again.

[Jamie D]

If you think that is the best course, then follow it 

You can still try to maintain an androgynous presentation, if you find it is not too uncomfortable,

[Riley Skye]

Well boy mode has always consisted of shirts and jeans, I prefer tighter clothes so it works out decently