My English is flawed so please bear with me. I've been lurking for a month and decided to join. I just turned 26 and only a couple of months ago I became aware that I feel more female than male and nothing would make me happier than to be able to transition. Those view months I've been obsessed with self-analysis and trying to understand were is this all coming from. What mostly through me off, when i read other peoples experiences, is that they knew from an early age. So thinking back to my childhood I remembered certain incidents were my mother told me it was wrong. After that, every time I got flashbacks, I would just push those memories back. Feelings of shame and quilt lasted through my teenage years and ended right after that. My teenage years wasn't much of self realization either. Went into a rebellious mode where I quit school and started doing drugs until things started to get out of hands. Environment where I grew up and friends that I had were pretty much homophobes and "men need to be men" types of people. I even remember a time when my nails were nicely cut (even though I didn't do manicure) I got ridiculed by that.
But even then I felt certain amount of femininity in me which I never thought to be "femininity" as in more of just who I am. So I suppose I understand why this might of taken me for so long to realise.
After becoming an adult I started to live a healthier life and got into spirituality. So for a while everything seemed to be fine. I expressed my femininity through meditation (which mind you, I still didn't see it that way) and things felt better. But things didn't stay that after stopping meditation and trying to live a life as someone I don't want to be. And so here I am. Sorry for ranting my life story.
I'm just hoping maybe someone can relate and would tell me that I haven't lost my mind.
