Losing my mind

[Amoré]

Hey guys, I think GD is making me lose mind the more I fight it. I fear transition is going to be inevitable for me. I have been of hrt for little more than 3 weeks things is starting to go back the way it was my male tendencies is coming back. The irritable aggression,moods. I had a couple of hrt sets left and took them for 3 days and the noise died down after day 2. I got up and did not feel so dysphoric and if the world is crushing me. I feel as if my brain is expecting estro from day one and my body was feeding it testo. My mood is much better also my head feels clearer. Running on testo is also like I am pushing people away even the ones I love I haven't got that desire to be around my wife or play with my kid.When I am on estro I got this pull towards them I want to cuddle to my wife and be affectionate and ply with my child and take care of her. Hrt is a huge relieve of GD I don't even have to present female for it to make a difference.

Have anybody else had the same experiences.

[stefane]

Amore, i felt a lot like this, i have a wife and a kid too and i was aggresive and always in tence but the last two months in which i am on hrt i feel more better and i am more calm and peace with my self and others around me. but now i have other things that cause me anxiety such as if i am going to loose them while procedeing in transition, if i am going to loose my work and stuf like that, but i think that i can handle them! so i think it needs time and give that time don't be on hrt then stop and then start again. i give it time for me too! i hope this can helps

[Sheila Grace]

Amore- Just wrote in my journal today about this very thing. In my case, I had been on testosterone for many years for a low T, discovered in the late 90's. Tapering off it before starting estrogen was difficult. I had mood swings, sweats, change in appetite, and my muscle recovery time was changed. After 8 months on estrogen, I feel completely different. I think more clearly, am much gentler, and the GD is muted. I was told that this would happen, but at my age (65), I did not think the effects would be great as described. I was wrong. Thankfully!!!! Blessings, Sheila

[Chrissy5946]

Sheila,
I'm interested in your response, I to had low T, I'm still using compounded cream daily, although I have reduced my dose to 1/4 gram from 1/2 gram, I'm meeting my Endo in Dec. to discuss HRT.
I've never been aggressive on T, I'm calm, mild mannered. I use the T to maintain muscle mass, energy, etc. my job depends on me being strong and fit. I'm active, exercise a lot, also a reason for muscle, strength.
I'm in the process to devise a plan for my life, possible transisition, etc in a couple years. I have a thought of being a strong woman, not a fem woman, I see plenty of ripped ladies out there, so is this possible on HRT, without T?
I'm very feminine regardless, my core is female, I know this, I just need to be strong, and active, maybe I'm just overthinking?
Any thoughts?
Chrissy


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[Qrachel]

Dear Amore:

Spiro and Estrogen completely rewired me mentally and emotionally within a month, though I had huge mode swings, sweats, hot flashes, chills . . . it was quite a trip for about 3 months and then I began to stabilize.  I felt so much much better on HRT that I put up with my menopausal systems gladly!

I really love the feminine chemistry, truly it is god sent for me.

Rachel 

[AmandaDanielle]

I feel the same way. I hate life when i'm running on T. I cannot show my wife affection. I'm irratilbe, angry and cold. In my experience i had little to no testosterone on my own. I tried taking testosterone and it made me crazy along with having effects like i was on estrogen due to a genetic disorder. Taking it felt wrong the entire time i was on it. So i decided to start the path to transition and HRT on estrogen. In the mean time the testosterone seeped out of my system and i reverted back to the dark soul and deep depression i used to be in. My wife and I fought like crazy, and i treated here babdly becuase i hated myself. I understand your position, hun. I've been on estrogen a month now and I am so thankful for it. It balances me. I am easy to live with again and it's easy for my to love. Just like you, i draw loved ones to me istead of push them away. I may have horrible anxiety when it come to coming out at work and to the rest of my family but i am in a better place. Hang in there sweetie. Try to take it one day at a time, it seems to help me to keep my mind in the present.

[Sheila Grace]

Sheila,
I'm interested in your response, I to had low T, I'm still using compounded cream daily, although I have reduced my dose to 1/4 gram from 1/2 gram, I'm meeting my Endo in Dec. to discuss HRT.
I've never been aggressive on T, I'm calm, mild mannered. I use the T to maintain muscle mass, energy, etc. my job depends on me being strong and fit. I'm active, exercise a lot, also a reason for muscle, strength.
I'm in the process to devise a plan for my life, possible transisition, etc in a couple years. I have a thought of being a strong woman, not a fem woman, I see plenty of ripped ladies out there, so is this possible on HRT, without T?
I'm very feminine regardless, my core is female, I know this, I just need to be strong, and active, maybe I'm just overthinking?
Any thoughts?
Chrissy

Chrissy- Good point. I am also, at the suggestion of my MD, taking a very low dose of T via pellets. We are checking levels and trying to keep below 400 or so. It is not an exact science, but it does give me what I need for muscle recovery. At 64 I did a body building contest to get lean fearing the wieght gain with estrogen. That helped and I was able to get down in the 5% range. I have lost muscle mass, but have great definition. Some of my female workout partners are much more ripped, and obviously have much more natural T. So it seems I am doing about what you are thinking about. I still do a paleo sort of diet, and am lean despite increasing doses of estrogen. I initially was hesitant to do the SQ pellets, but they have been wonderful and provide consistent levels. I get checked every 3-4 months. I can tell when the T wears off which is well before estrogen begins to drop; workouts are just not the same without. BTW, I am a retired physician. Blessings. Sheila


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[Anna33]

Oh wow. That sounds really familiar. Before i came out i was super detached and irritable. Now i am super close to my wife. Like when we first met or better. There is no more monster haunting me now hehe