Back to work, I'm worried

[justchillin]

I just got a call from my old boss today. He offered me a job and of course I'm gonna take it BUT (There;s always a but) , I know for some of you being yourself is natural, but for me I've been some one else for so long it's not. I'm worried that when I get this new job around new people, I'm just gonna fade back into my shell. I think this is horrible timing because, ever since I came out  to my family I just feel very content. It make me doubt whether I'm trans or not. Sorry if  this is a little hurried. I'm just worried and I was wondering what you guy take on this.

[Ltl89]

Well, look at it this way.  You will need to work whether you are trans or not.  Transgender people depend on a source of income like everyone else.  I don know, however, what you mean about going into your shell.  Sometimes interacting with others, especially people from your past, makes it harder for you to move forward.  It's like you are afraid to come out of the closet to everyone.  I'm the same way.  I think the only solution to this is taking small steps as you feel comfortable.  If you have a therapist, brings this up.  Let them know you are afraid of letting yourself out and feel concerned about confronting people from your past.  It seems the only way to get over it is to take small steps and build some inner strength.  Nonetheless, I know exactly how you feel.

[Rachel]

Justchillin, you have come a long way accepting yourself and disclosing to your family. Perhaps the content feeling is because you aligned who you are with the most important people in your life.

I know for me it is like walking very slowly up a flight of steps. When I reach a step the dysphonia stops and I feel really good. Then it starts up again and then I need to do another step. To date I have been going up the staircase and each step unlocks growth, acceptance and good feelings. However, each step also has some pain. Like a pebble in my shoe. I clean out the pebble and then bask in the good feeling, for a while.

With the new job, you will know what to do and when. The question is if staying on the step and not progressing causes more pain than taking the next step.

[justchillin]

Thank you both so much.