It seems I've gotten myself into a corner of sorts to do with my work-day appearance. While I'm out to everyone at work, I'm still in boy-mode in the office. Strangely that boy-mode bit has more to do with the public portion to/from work than it does with work specifically. Anyway, a week ago I had a discussion with HR and said that I was no longer comfortable wearing compression ( sports ) bras, claiming that they're uncomfortable and that they're hindering my development. Until then, I had been asked to conceal as much as I can. HR were great about this, and agreed with no hesitance. While it's true about compression bras being uncomfortable ( perhaps just the brand I used ), and about hindering development, that wasn't the main reason...
I don't want to hide my boobs any more. I love having them... They're mine, and real, and they're beautiful. Looking down to a flatter chest due to a tight sports bra was actually triggering dysphoria, and it was getting harder and harder to put on a sports bra each day for that reason. Last week I just couldn't. So since the meeting last week, my girls have been far more noticeable as I'm just wearing normal ( unpadded ) bras everywhere. This has all gone to make life harder out in public due to my conflicting image. It's not like I'm wearing tight clothing either. They show easily through a ( yuck ) baggy mens work shirt + undershirt, and I get many strange and curious looks which I try to ignore but am still aware of.
The only thing I'm waiting on before going full time is electrolysis on my face to be complete. I think it'll be about 3 - 4 months away at best guess. Going full time before then would be great, except my skin reacts so badly to electrolysis that it leaves me red and swollen for 4 - 5 days or more depending on the area. Add in 2 days for regrowth before my next session, and I'm pretty much a constant state of mess. Plus, if I try to conceal my skin, it just gets more irritated and takes even longer to heal. I've gotten used to looking this way in my boy-mode and it doesn't bother me... But this look wouldn't work well with presenting feminine and would just draw more attention.
So tonight I've kind of realised that I'm making life hard for myself when there may be another option too obvious for me to see. Another 3 to 4 months of this half/half appearance is not good considering personal safety ( as I'm quite obviously different / trans ), and especially as the rest of me changes with the hormones... Both my therapist and I suspect I'll have trouble passing as male in 4 months time given the rapid rate of change with HRT...
I'd really like to make the next few months easier on myself without triggering dysphoria. Going full time early will likely be harder than being half/half for a few months considering my face is impossible to make pretty just now.
How have you, or how do you plan with handling this transitional phase before going full time?
