Transolidarity

[vegie271]

I have decided I need to be stealth , and my reason is that I was the victim of a hate crime - I think that is sufficient

[Renee]

I have decided I need to be stealth , and my reason is that I was the victim of a hate crime - I think that is sufficient

And honestly, you don't even really need a reason to do so either, although yours is more than understandable.   


And really, we ask others to allow us to live our lives as we see fit, to make ourselves happy, yet too many in our community want to tell their peers how they should live and its pretty damned hypocritical from where I stand. I have no issue with anyone being stealth or out or whatever, so long as they don't expect others to jump on their wagon due to some sense of "community." 

I do applaud those who choose to educate, but some of us just aren't into that. Although I do feel I am out enough that people can see that I am nothing to fear and that transpeople are just as human as they are.

[BunnyBee]

I do find the notion of Trans-solidarity unpleasant and inaccurate, In my transition I operated under the fundamental presumption that I have no allies and no rescue is coming if I fall then game over, because that's been my experience, the NHS ignored me, I lost family, Friends, was threatened with violence and was nearly made homeless. And I don't pretend that I had it the worst. Not by a mile.

While you can find supportive words or words of admonishment from other transgender individuals for the choices your make, ultimately you have to fight with whatever you've got to realize your victory. Stealth or Self-medication, whatever.
That the game princess, No rules, Play to win.

If it's the topic of stealth, I've been stealth under certain contexts for various periods of time, Again presumption of begin alone in a potentially hostile environment applies and this environment might well be your home or your workplace. If the option is available to you, Be stealth at least until you can trust the environment.

While I feel sympathy for other transpersons who don't have the choice it's still your life not theirs. If you trust the environment and the Stress of Stealth (Redacting your past is a pain) gets to you, Then tell them and be a positive role model for what might be there first knowing encounter with a transsexual.

But you don't owe anyone anything, You don't owe bigots an education, nor are you a martyr for "the collective"

So. so much truth in this.

[Athena]

I not sure if I really have the right to voice my opinion on this, I am still on the first stages of self discovery of my gender.

I would think that people who are fighting for rights for transgendered would be better off not spending effort to criticize stealth people, it is devisive and counterproductive. In some cases I would assume that being open can harm the cause.

[vegie271]

I not sure if I really have the right to voice my opinion on this, I am still on the first stages of self discovery of my gender.

I would think that people who are fighting for rights for transgendered would be better off not spending effort to criticize stealth people, it is devisive and counterproductive. In some cases I would assume that being open can harm the cause.

I do not think being OPEN is harmful, it is those who are "In your face" about it that is harmful, anyone who tries to make is something really political and tries to shove it down someone's throat, very few do that, but if any one forces someone elses opinion on anyone else, it causes repercussions

so I have no problem with anyone else being out - as long as they have no problem with me being stealth - it is just that some of the really political ones want all of us to be marching at the forefront and I cannot do that - especially in my area. I am just to scared (and a little gun shy now, I used to actually be political)

[Athena]

Oh please don't get me wrong with  the people who are out. With out them there would be even less rights for transgendered people, they are fighting the good fight.
My thoughts are sometimes in conservative areas that are either isolated or close minded and it got around that someone was transgendered in their community then instead of being a "big city problem", it becomes personal. When they see transgendered people on tv  it is easier for people to become more accustomed to the lifestyle but when the lifestyle is right there "influencing"  their kids that can cement very negative views towards the transgendered community. All of this just by being open in a small or isolated community.

Or say take a country where being open just helps the religious police find you easier. People being open is helpful to the community but I am sure there are instances where the opposite is also true maybe not many but some.

[StellaB]

I feel that there's a number of activists in the LGBT community who really need to step back and consider developing a new strategy based on a simple choice - do I want to be seen as part of the struggle or do I want to be seen as part of the solution?

I'm out, or rather, open. I'm comfortable with being a trans woman, I don't feel any stigma from being trans and my own activism is entirely focussed outside the trans community.

People who are vulnerable, struggling or suffering generally tend to be much more open-minded and accepting. This gives me the opportunity to use empathy to show that despite the fact that they are cisgendered and I am trans we share the same feelings, emotions, thoughts and experiences.

Adversity marks our life just as easily as success. We remember those who helped us just as well as we remember our own achievements. In helping others I am repaying my debts of kindness to a world which has produced enough people to show me kindness.

I'm not stealth and never will be. I don't need to be. But for those of you who are I fully support you. Stealth is a universal fact of nature. That's why polar bears are white, snakes which live in trees are green and most large cats are agile.

If stealth makes it easier for you to live, or transition or both, then I feel you owe it to yourself to go stealth. My morality or that of other people doesn't come into it. We are not you. We don't live your life. You do.

[Miranda Catherine]

You don't owe anyone anything, You don't owe bigots an education, nor are you a martyr for "the collective."

Wow! This is such a heavy and confusing question. I'm in stealth myself, I guess, because anyone who's met me a 22 months ago or less think I've always been female, but I'm unashamed anymore that I'm transsexual. I came out to the rest of my family and friends, but my mom, dad and brother knew about me since I was born, my mom believing I was intersexed at birth. And virtually all my close friends have known about me too, since I was 14-17 and I'll be 59 soon. I was bisexual (not with any of my friends, though) and had a boyfriend by 21, but I always, always dressed, looked and behaved as a woman with him, in public and private, always passing effortlessly, and I'm clueless as to why I didn't transition at 22 when I first began to. I think I was just ashamed of myself that I looked and felt so much like a girl that i just couldn't pull the trigger permanently. Now I pass wherever I go and I don't see a reason for me to announce that I'm TS. However, I was sooo angry when that young TS woman was beaten in Hollywood by four douchebags on Memorial Day weekend I had wanted to go to the TG festival in West Hollywood to sort of show solidarity, but everything changed when my brother slowly died from a liver transplant right at the border of West Hollywood right during that time and it felt inappropriate to go. Then again, I'm treated by other women as one of them and I don't want to change that. All I've ever wanted was to be a girl/woman anyway, so why would I out myself? In another post on this thread someone said that it seemed to them that most of the political TG community couldn't pass anyway, but I don't know about that, one way or another. I feel terribly sad for anyone who can't pass and it angers me a great deal that they can't live their lives however they want. This is a subject, a question I was obviously confused about that my attempts at living male were so spectacularly unsuccessful I tried to commit suicide three times. Thank God I was unsuccessful there as well, because after the third time I decided that I (finally) had to attempt to live as a woman and I've succeeded. Not spectacularly, but quietly, stealthily and thankfully. Am I wrong for doing that? Mira

[Rachel]

I am in transition and stealth.

Perhaps, the reason activists are so passionate is that they believe in their beliefs and there are too few of us. So one stealth is one less activist and with low numbers it is a dilemma.

I realize what I want most. To be left alone, from myself; the battles are tiring. Stealth is a battle too; easy now but I suspect harder in time.

[kathyk]

... When they see transgendered people on tv  it is easier for people to become more accustomed to the lifestyle but when the lifestyle is right there "influencing"  their kids that can cement very negative views towards the transgendered community. All of this just by being open in a small or isolated community.

I live in a village of 500 residents, and nearly everyone has met me before transition.  And now they see me only as my true self in the second month of RLE.  I go almost anywhere in this town and the larger neighboring communities (also small towns of 5000), but there is a little tension, and a few stores, restaurants, and bars that are off limits.   

I can no longer live stealth like I did last summer, and I wouldn't want to.  I'm not an activist, and made a personal decision to live stealth when I was able to.   And I would never want to see others forced into the open in a small town like this, since it's often very uncomfortable.  So after the last two months I understand why most trans people leave these small communities for larger towns or cities with large accepting populations.   And this is why a lot of transwomen and men leave for San Francisco where they and others can safely be activists if they desire. 

[Miranda Catherine]

I live in a village of 500 residents, and nearly everyone has met me before transition.  And now they see me only as my true self in the second month of RLE.  I go almost anywhere in this town and the larger neighboring communities (also small towns of 5000), but there is a little tension, and a few stores, restaurants, and bars that are off limits.   

I can no longer live stealth like I did last summer, and I wouldn't want to.  I'm not an activist, and made a personal decision to live stealth when I was able to.   And I would never want to see others forced into the open in a small town like this, since it's often very uncomfortable.  So after the last two months I understand why most trans people leave these small communities for larger towns or cities with large accepting populations.   And this is why a lot of transwomen and men leave for San Francisco where they and others can safely be activists if they desire. 

Kathy, you've got courage I don't think I'd have. I lived in a small town in Washington for over a year, a town of 1800, much bigger than your little village, lol, but I would have had to move or probably be beaten to an inch of my life. It was a logging town and those guys were cool with me at the time, but they wouldn't have been if they saw me now. One of them actually tried to get to know me in stealth, but it was a redneck town. I'm not bragging when I say this because it's true, I was actually prettier than most of the girls in that town. But I was only 33 to 34 then and was often told by girls I was too pretty to be a guy and I hadn't yet abused my body much. There were a lot of drugs and drinking with the women there because there was nothing to do and it deeply affected the way many of them looked and took care of themselves. It was a beautiful place to live, though.  If they saw me here in front of the computer in a dress and makeup I think I'd have to move back to L.A. tonight.