Hi!
I'm new to the site and am glad i found a place i can find people i can relate to.
as it stands right now I am just very doubtful that i was intended to be female (that is my biological sex right now.) I've always felt masculine. even as a little kid i was always playin with boys and basically being a tomboy. when i got older, i was still a tomboy. and it's only been the past 3 years i have seriously had a problem with how i look.
I am an artist, more or less i play cello and i draw. it was roughly 3 years ago i really noticed my envy of men. even though i am a thin, healthy girl I have always felt disappointed with my body. i would look at men and be confused as to when i was gonna be one. no matter how i see my future, i see that i am in a mans body. I would picture myself wearing suits to formal events or exercising without my shirt on. or really simple things like waking up int he morning and getting out of bed. i just don't see myself as an adult woman.
also people notice my masculinity. a few of my guy friends treat me like a guy and i don't even try to pass. we beat up on each other all the time and with my girl friends they all treat me differently too. we could be messing around and as soon as i get a little out of hand they stop and tell me no, and i exclaim, why im a girl, and then they kind of look puzzled, like, no you aren't. also many people in the past will say " oh your kinda manly and i just kind of relish in it. i like it when they say these things. i like it when people mistake me as a boy. but before this year i had no idea what to call what i felt.
all of this is still so new. and I am not the sort of person to rush into things. things like possible hormone therapy or surgery i don't want to rush into. im taking this slow to make sure i know what i want for myself, i don't want any doubts like i have now.
i am 18 now. i still have these notions in my head. I came out to my sister, who is supportive, though she is confused and she honestly feels sorry for me that i have this confusion, she's a real support in everything i am going to do about my feelings. i also came out to my father, who is right now the only person i live with, and he has done everything perfectly. i told him i was confused about my gender and he just gave me a hug, glad i told him and immediately told me perhaps he was meant to have a son after all. it made me happy beyond words the amount of support and love he has for me. he's even taken the initiative to find a therapist for me and research gender dysphoria and ->-bleeped-<-. now tomorrow i will tell my mother when she comes home. i believe she will take the news just fine, she is very open to the LGBT community and is not prejudice at all. i've had it VERY lucky so far and i hope this forum becomes a good place i can use for resources and express any mixed feelings i have.
nice to meet you all.
