Felt like a freak when shopping

[suzifrommd]

I was never afraid to let a store clerk I'm transgender.

It simply is nothing to be ashamed of.

[JLT1]

OK, I was buying make up.  I went to one store where they insisted on helping even though I didn't want it and then helped in a fake friendly kinda look-at-the-guy-who-wants-to-be-a-girl-so-lets-laugh-at-him way.  I left there and eventually ended up at Macy's, ½ hour or so before they closed.  There, I had three makeup artists helping me very earnestly as there was no one else there.  At first, I was embarrassed but they were so nice that I got over it.  I really needed the help and help they did.  Not recommending that as Macy's is expensive but they were so helpful.

In the end, it all depends.  I think the tellers smell fear the way some people think dogs smell fear. Walk up, be confident, know what you are doing and it works.  Don't walk up in ignorance and expect no response.  Don't look guilty.  Don't make up a story (that really backfired for me.)  If they ask, ignore them or answer them, your choice.

[Madison Leigh]

For the most part I pickup the majority of my makeup at places such as Wal-Mart where I can do so "on my own".

That being said, before I was presenting as Madison full-time, I decided I'd like to wear lipstick consistently; so I bit the bullet and went to MAC.  The young woman there couldn't have been nicer and helped me find a nice nude brown shade.  When I did start presenting full-time I was having trouble with the beard shadow (I'm only part way through my laser) and decided to try the Dermablend Cover Creme.  It was expensive enough that I didn't want to "guess" on the right shade, so we hit an Ulta store.  The young woman seemed a little "surprised" at the request, but that only lasted a second or two and she regained her composure and couldn't have been more helpful.  She picked 3 shades that she thought would work best and demo'd them all three on me and gave her opinion (which I agreed with); she then did my entire face explaining what she was doing and why.  Was a great experience. 

Not too long ago my roommate and I did go to Sephora for a "make over" and the woman who did that was wonderful as well - I ended up spending well more than I had planned. 

All of them have great makeup and I've had great experiences with each; I just wish they weren't so expensive.   Not that the stuff isn't worth it - it has been - but I think I'd need a second job to pay for it if that's all I used consistently. 

I guess the moral of my little tale here is that I would concur with JLT1's experience in that the higher end stores (at least the ones I've been to) have all been incredibly helpful; just pricey.

[Joanna Dark]

I used to feel this way. I also used to use a self checkout lane when buying foundation for the longest time. Now I'm gendered female pretty much always so I no longer have this problem. I really don't know what's changed but I guess something has lol

[Antonia J]

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/column-7-the-young-mans-guide-to-wearing-and-shopping-for-womens-clothes-for-the-first-time

You're not alone.  This is a great description of shopping for the first time.

[SciNerdGirl]

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/column-7-the-young-mans-guide-to-wearing-and-shopping-for-womens-clothes-for-the-first-time

You're not alone.  This is a great description of shopping for the first time.

Yep, that's pretty much how it goes.

J.

[vegie271]

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/column-7-the-young-mans-guide-to-wearing-and-shopping-for-womens-clothes-for-the-first-time

You're not alone.  This is a great description of shopping for the first time.

I don't remember it being this hard - I had a freind a t work and she took me shopping the first time - made it so much easier - after that it was simple -

[Emily Aster]

We think a lot more about what they will think than they do. My biggest fear at stores like that is not the cashier, but the chance of running into family while doing it since they know I'm single and they always feel the need to comment.

[Jess42]

I felt the same way the first time I bought something girly. Thing is most people at the checkout think you are buying it for someone else if you're in guy mode. If you want to validate that image to them, strike a casual conversation like, "my wife wanted a certain red, do you think that will be good enough?" Or if you can write like a female, make a list and then "accidentally' drop it on the counter so they can see that it was written by a woman. I used to do both in the beginning, now I could care less whether they think whatever I purchase is for me or someone else. If they are so concerned with my life then they need to get a life of their own.

[stacey fisher]

know hoe you felt had the same thoughts when i went full time now i ask if think it would sute me most will help if know your transgender and dont give a dam just want to make a sale

[Des]

I don't think you have anything to worry about, most checkout assistants hardly pay that much attention to the items and why you might be buying it. I myself work at the tills occasionally when I'm called on to help, a guy was buying make up and I hadn't even thought anything of it at all, in fact I didn't even notice it until he felt the need to reassure me he had a good reason for it...I just smiled and told him he didn't need to explain a thing as I wasn't judging and jokingly said "don't ask about my boxers and i won't ask about your mascara" and he seemed to feel a bit more relaxed after.

I can imagine how nervous you must have been though, I go into the men's sections sometimes and still have random "oh god they must be wondering why im looking at mens stuff" still, but it's just me being self conscious, nobody jumps to OMG WEIRDO, i certainly don't when i see women shop in mens section, I just assume they're getting someone a gift or shopping for someone and I just remind myself of that.

[Jess42]

he felt the need to reassure me he had a good reason for it...I just smiled and told him he didn't need to explain a thing as I wasn't judging and jokingly said "don't ask about my boxers and i won't ask about your mascara" and he seemed to feel a bit more relaxed after.

When I was younger I had several friends that were too shy to buy tampons when they needed them unexpectedly. I had to always go into usually a convenience store and buy them. I've only had one person look at me funny and when I told him not to screw with me 'cause I was on the rag, he lost it and laughed until he was in tears. Whatever he thought, I don't know and didn't really care but I was kinda' happy to make someone's day though.

[vegie271]

When I was younger I had several friends that were too shy to buy tampons when they needed them unexpectedly. I had to always go into usually a convenience store and buy them. I've only had one person look at me funny and when I told him not to screw with me 'cause I was on the rag, he lost it and laughed until he was in tears. Whatever he thought, I don't know and didn't really care but I was kinda' happy to make someone's day though.

talk about stunning a store clerk


someone posted this on another site where I go

"Stun a Store Clerk

You ever want to make someone feel uncomfortable?

Go to the Walmart and buy a pack of condoms, a 4 pack of enemas, a sixer of wine coolers and a rubber dog toy while wearing a mesh pink top.

The look you get fro the store clerk is priceless......

I wish I had took his picture."

[Dweia]

Yeah, the couple of first time I felt freak as well.
But then luckily in that same first shop there were couple of young women who were very helpful.
Now the same women knows my style and they are always suggesting new stuff.
Without them I would have not have courage to even try a long skirt or long dress.

So now I'm very confident to buy female clothes, underwear, makeup etc..

But I think that in current economy situation, shops just want to sell more stuff so that they can keep shop open and keep their jobs.

[Jaelithe]

I've had good experiances shopping so far.  Granted, I have my wife to cover for me when I go clothes shopping (usually grab a few things in my size range at Penny's and whisk them away to the mens department to try on while she stands guard(The last thing I need is to get into trouble for walking into a womens' bathroom/changing room while there's still an M on my license))

I've gone out shopping for regular things by myself, though I'm still nervous doing that and the biggest concern is keeping my mouth shut.  My voice is a dead give away right now, but I'm starting speech therapy sometime next month, so here's hoping.

[stacey fisher]

this shopping thing gets me mad  I been shopping now for over 2 years  and never had a problem and never fill strange in stores buying clothes or make up hey its me and happy if your thinking about what people think then maybe should ask if ready to to live the real life steps or if ready to trans and class your self as fem
or live your life worrying watt other think if so your never be fully happy

[Jaelithe]

While there's some truth to that, I'm less concerned about purchases than I am about being caught in the(legally) wrong changing room.  That being said, trans women do need to be aware of what people around them are doing, more than cis women.  There is a lot of trans hate still, and while legal protections are beginning to be more normal, that tends to be an 'after the fact' kind of thing.

[vegie271]

While there's some truth to that, I'm less concerned about purchases than I am about being caught in the(legally) wrong changing room.  That being said, trans women do need to be aware of what people around them are doing, more than cis women.  There is a lot of trans hate still, and while legal protections are beginning to be more normal, that tends to be an 'after the fact' kind of thing.

I guess it is a lot worse it your ID is still wrong - see mine has been changed for a long time - that was something I got fixed very fast - the first thing I got at transition was a letter - then HRT & immediately as soon as I could ID the DL arrives in the mail fairly quickly

it has taken years for me to get to this point where now I am changing my birth certificate

[Jaelithe]

One thing at a time for each of us.  I would love to get my documents fixed right off the bat, that would be spectacular!  I'm hoping to start meeting with a therapist in October, so we'll see how things go.

[vegie271]

One thing at a time for each of us.  I would love to get my documents fixed right off the bat, that would be spectacular!  I'm hoping to start meeting with a therapist in October, so we'll see how things go.

wow!  you present in public even before having done anything official - see in 1987 I did the halloween thing and then I waited until I saw a therapist and made it official before I presented publicly