Sex as a woman?

[kg85621]

I know sex isn't everything but that really seems to be a driving force for me right now and wanting to transition. I post today about all my other thought and feelings about who I am. I have read a lot and people say you are NOT really a woman if you want to transition for sex. I want everything else. I want to feel right I want to feel the emotions look like a woman be treated like one. for some reason when I think about this I get turned on and everything goes back to the sex as a women feeling. anyone have this issue or am I just crazy?

[Beth Andrea]

Actually, I believe for most of us, it's not about the sex...in fact, often the desire for sex drops off after (or during) transition.

We like the feeling, the emotions, the caring, and yes, the sex when applicable. There's 100+ things that we like about being a woman...and probably 100+ things we didn't like about being a "man." (We are talking from the MtF perspective here).

You are definitely in the right place to find out more.

[suzifrommd]

I know sex isn't everything but that really seems to be a driving force for me right now and wanting to transition. I post today about all my other thought and feelings about who I am. I have read a lot and people say you are NOT really a woman if you want to transition for sex. I want everything else. I want to feel right I want to feel the emotions look like a woman be treated like one. for some reason when I think about this I get turned on and everything goes back to the sex as a women feeling. anyone have this issue or am I just crazy?

The question I'd ask is, how do you feel when you are presenting as a female. When you're with other people, do you wish they saw you as a female? Do you like the idea of living as a woman better than the idea of living as a man? When you feminize some part of your body, (shave legs, for example) does it feel more right?

A lot of us (myself included) are sexually turned by being a female. I don't think that decides the issue one way or another.

Have you talked to a gender therapist?

[kg85621]

I have not spoke to anyone ouside Susans.org. this is my frist talking to anyone about this. I feel by talking about it I am cheating on my gf. that might be a big reason why I have never told anyone

[Beth Andrea]

You probably should talk to her too. It's not cheating, anymore than saying you have appendicitis. Being trans just "is." There's no morals about it one way or another.

Yes, she may get angry, she may leave you...you have to weigh her action(s) against what you want/need.

[kg85621]

just so confused. I have an empty feeling

[suzifrommd]

just so confused. I have an empty feeling

Oh sweetie, I've been there. It's a scary ride. Please keep posting. You have hundreds of brothers and sisters here at Susan's place.

[Sammy]

I was afraid too, because somewhere deep inside of me I knew - I was also interested in THAT part. But everyone is - that is normal way for human beings, including those of female variety . In fact, women are just much into sex as men, except the attitude is different and women may never admit that . But with the HRT and my sex drive going down, I know now that there are plenty of other interesting things to do and sex, though important, is not the first priority. Sex is cool, but so are the cuddles, flowers, romance, dreaming etc - so many things to explore with my new "senses" and viewpoints.... But there is a place for sex too, ya know

[kg85621]

Thanks everyone for the support.

[vegie271]

I know sex isn't everything but that really seems to be a driving force for me right now and wanting to transition. I post today about all my other thought and feelings about who I am. I have read a lot and people say you are NOT really a woman if you want to transition for sex. I want everything else. I want to feel right I want to feel the emotions look like a woman be treated like one. for some reason when I think about this I get turned on and everything goes back to the sex as a women feeling. anyone have this issue or am I just crazy?

It most certainly is not anything that drives me - and I don't think about sex that much, certainly not all the time, but I do think about it. it is not the reason I transitioned. I did it because I am a womon and I need people to acknowledge me as so on a daily basis every where I go. In fact I have only had sex once since I have transitioned. (6 years).

[Northern Jane]

Through my teens I lived part of my life as a girl, as much as I could, and it was the ONLY time I felt truly alive and (reasonably) complete. The times when I had to try to pass as a guy were just miserable and empty. The only way my life would be complete was if I was completely female and yes, sex was a MAJOR part of that. I had everything I could have without SRS and SRS completed the picture and sex (as a woman) was way beyond anything I had ever imagined.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Its the awkward situation where you ask yourself, ok you want to transition to remove the male (or the female in the case of FTM) part of you and become female (or again the opposite if you are FTM).

And you ask yourself, well, are you planning to neeeeeeeever have sex ever again?

I want my sex drive brought under control. In other words, I want to be the one saying when, not that damned thing.

But, if I were to be given that wonder of wonderful opportunities, to wake one day, and not have any male parts, to wake up and be a naked female when I got in the tub and have nothing to look at other than naked female parts, well, I'd still ideally like to have soooooome bit of sex life still.

So the obvious, ok you transition, you are now equipped with the right gear, who do you wish to play with in bed. I mean you won't be what you were before in as much as gear is concerned. You will still be 'you' but, now you get to maybe enjoy being you correctly too.

Myself, I have a great deal of hate for males. I think I shall never long for a day when I can be of any use to a man regardless of what my body looks like. But that's me. One has to wonder, ok, you made the switch you got your wish, what are you planning to do with your new freedom?

I have friends, I think they actually desperately want to be properly equipped females, and they actually DO want a man.
Is that going to make them homosexual?  Tough question. A woman in a female body having sex with a male in a male body is having hetero sex according to some view points I suppose. Me, I think I will always be a lesbian in some fashion. But right now, I am sure most think I am just a messed up hetero male. I'm not a man though, I just have the parts. Well for now. I have hopes and dreams though.

I have a friend that messages me occasionally on Facebook. Get in the kitchen woman and make me a sammich!!
I find it comfortingly amusing.

[vegie271]

Its the awkward situation where you ask yourself, ok you want to transition to remove the male (or the female in the case of FTM) part of you and become female (or again the opposite if you are FTM).

And you ask yourself, well, are you planning to neeeeeeeever have sex ever again?

I want my sex drive brought under control. In other words, I want to be the one saying when, not that damned thing.

But, if I were to be given that wonder of wonderful opportunities, to wake one day, and not have any male parts, to wake up and be a naked female when I got in the tub and have nothing to look at other than naked female parts, well, I'd still ideally like to have soooooome bit of sex life still.

So the obvious, ok you transition, you are now equipped with the right gear, who do you wish to play with in bed. I mean you won't be what you were before in as much as gear is concerned. You will still be 'you' but, now you get to maybe enjoy being you correctly too.

Myself, I have a great deal of hate for males. I think I shall never long for a day when I can be of any use to a man regardless of what my body looks like. But that's me. One has to wonder, ok, you made the switch you got your wish, what are you planning to do with your new freedom?

I have friends, I think they actually desperately want to be properly equipped females, and they actually DO want a man.
Is that going to make them homosexual?  Tough question. A woman in a female body having sex with a male in a male body is having hetero sex according to some view points I suppose. Me, I think I will always be a lesbian in some fashion. But right now, I am sure most think I am just a messed up hetero male. I'm not a man though, I just have the parts. Well for now. I have hopes and dreams though.

I have a friend that messages me occasionally on Facebook. Get in the kitchen woman and make me a sammich!!
I find it comfortingly amusing.

not a hard question at all, I KNOW I am female even before SRS and if i am in bed with a female right now, which I did just a few months ago, it was lesbian sex, and she considered it so also. 

I will never willingly be with a male but if I were it would be a heterosexual act, this is because I am female. I have in the past been with men and it was heterosexual, some of the men were F2M's and being with them was a heterosexual act not because I was maab and they were faab but because I am female and they were male.

in the same year I was with other trans womyn those acts were lesbian due to the fact that they were female even though we were both maab it was not Gay male sex it was lesbian acts

full stop

and if a MRA messaged me I would tell him to make him his own danged sammich! only used stronger language!

[Joanna Dark]

I actually think more about sex now then I ever did before transition. I know it's odd and seems contrary to what should happen by lowering the T level but the fact is I am much more interested in sex now then before. I think about it and crave it. I had sex twice b4 I was 25. Once with a woman, another time with a man. After 25 I had sex a lot but that was because I got into a relationship and the problem with that was I didn't really care about it. (I didn't care bout the sex I loved loved loved the woman. She even once said she would love me forever even if we never had sex again). Now I so want to have sex but only with men whereas before I was a little more bi. Though my ex was one of more masculine women you will have met though she changed.

[Pia Bianca]

I want my sex drive brought under control. In other words, I want to be the one saying when, not that damned thing.

Go. out. of. my. head.

Fortunately the last few weeks my sex drive was getting less strong. Sometimes I feel as if I'm waking up.

[Northern Jane]

I actually think more about sex now then I ever did before transition.

Oh my libido went crazy after SRS! I was awfully wild, more so than ever before  It all had to do with the way I felt about myself and my newly discovered sexuality (which had been so deeply repressed before). Sex, in any form, prior to SRS was just so-so. After SRS, everything just "matched my brain wiring" and it was GREAT!

[vegie271]

Oh my libido went crazy after SRS! I was awfully wild, more so than ever before  It all had to do with the way I felt about myself and my newly discovered sexuality (which had been so deeply repressed before). Sex, in any form, prior to SRS was just so-so. After SRS, everything just "matched my brain wiring" and it was GREAT!

Thank you everyone! I am so sick of hearing from so many people that EVERYONE has to lose sex drive on HRT , I have a cis friend and hers went crazy also.  so I figured why couldn't mine now I hear this!

[Yuki-jker86]

I don't know, I think that if your body turns you on, that is a good thing.  mine doesn't. I don't like to be acted upon during sex, I rarely enjoy it and I think the only times I enjoy it is if I can disconnect from my male body and become engrossed in my partners body. female form excites me. I think a lot of cis women are also aroused by the female form of their own body.
if you think about it in that detail, then I don't think it is unusual to be aroused.
I think other things do come into the equation of course.  it's all different for different people anyway.

I have watched materials and read stories about sexual exploration etc in mtf. sometimes it's achieved through magic or chemistry formula's etc, but the net result is something very exciting.  having read and watched a lot of that stuff, It's not new for me to think about being a woman and exploring sexuality. it's something I don't need to really think about. but if you haven't read or watched a lot of things about it, then that makes it a new and exciting concept for you?

[monarch]

How one would feel about such things is so personal.  Everyone's experience will be different.  At the beginning of transition, I too was interested in experiencing sexuality from a female perspective, but that was only one part of a much bigger picture.  Just remember sexuality is not always constant, and as time and transition moves forward your feelings may change on this issue.  Anyway, try not to stress over it.  What you are experiencing is just part of the process.

[Stella Stanhope]

Great question! Very timely for many it seems, myself included.

Having gotten intimate with women myself, it seems that sex for females can be a more...indulgent experience, involving the whole body as opposed to just the certain parts. There also the whole multiple orgasm thing, whereas with males, the pleasure release is solely restricted to the functional act and then that's it. Female sex seems to be more rewarding for the person, whereas for males its more about practical manouevers. However, don't quote me on this! :-p

Whilst I really enjoy sex with a woman (taking the male role), it also feels rather mechanical. also I feel annoyed by the fact that I'm not supposed to feel sensitive anywhere else on my body, so usually the partner doesn't put any effort into it when it comes to spending time on me.It feels 100 times more fulfilling to be touched everywhere, caressed and kissed and then have it finally leading to the inevitable, rather than how males usually approach sex - where the emphasis is apparently on the end game and little else. Is this actually a myth? Or would/do men enjoy the same tactile pleasures all over their bodies as women do?

I'd bloody hate to loose my sex drive, as sex and laughing are two major things that make being a dysfunctional human bearable. I'd hate to loose my creative approach to sex & the appreciation of aesthetics too as I treat sex as a creative playtime rather than just a natural physical act (though I do realise that that sentence makes me sound like a pseudo-intellectual prat).

Regarding HRT's potential effects - I'd be perfectly fine with a quality instead quantity trade-off regarding reduced drive in return for a more fulfilling experience when finally turned-on, and wouldn't mind needing more time to get aroused, as that is a major part of the whole experience. And I'd definitely welcome more sensitivity all over my body, although, as I'm very sensitive already, maybe I'd pass-out with delight from over-stimulus. Well, I'd like to think that would be the "worst case scenario" anywho 

So, for those on HRT and experiencing its effects - do you feel that sex (including initial arousal and foreply) is more immersive/involving now or are you so disinterested in it now that you don't care either way?