HRT without telling significant other?

[kg85621]

Has anyone here started HRT without telling anyone close IE significant other family or friends? If so how long did you wait to tell them or did they find out?

[Jerri]

I was playing with my wife for years as a closet fem b4 coming out so it was an easy conversation once i decided that I could not see going any further as a male. before that as a teen very gay once in the service went straight then after back to dressing. I have only been hrt for three weeks but do not see how you could go very long without having that conversation, it is best to be very upfront with this as it takes time for people to process let alone accept. I think I needed to know where I stood b4 making this decision to come out. it took several months of sitting with therapist for me know that this was the direction I needed to go and how that was going impact my life. you need to be open and honest with yourself and those in your life.
I am so new at this though probally should not give advice to anyone, I struggled with being restricted from allowing my mind and soul to live to satisfy my percieved role and became a grumpy rude dick since I started hrt I am finding a cool inner peace and as I develop the relationship my wife and friends has blossomed as well. time will tell for me but i would not start without having that conversation first.
there are others here that may give better advice than I can, I would recomend to have some time with a therapist and truly be certain this is right for you and that you are comfortable enough with that decision to stand tall with it

good luck Jerri

[sushitime]

I think you need to tell your significant other, if you didn't, it would be incredibly selfish. That person could be wasting their time with you, and their time is worth just as much as yours is.

[suzifrommd]

Kg, I think I just responded to you on another thread.

But understand, if your relationship with your significant other is not based on trust, it's not worth any effort to preserve.

If indeed you are transgender, your relationship might survive that. It might not. But keeping secrets is not going to affect that.

My marriage is collapsing and I am being forced to separate from the only woman I love, so I know of what I speak.

But none of that would have turned out any differently. I'm glad I was up front from the start, because at least I know it's not all turning sour because I kept secrets.

There are people whose marriages and relationships survive. In none of those cases was it because someone kept secrets.

Good luck, kg. You're in a difficult spot. Your best tool now is to face the truth.

[kg85621]

I just fear loosing her and then I find out I never had GID

[Sarah Louise]

This is one reason we encourage people to see a qualified therapist and discuss the issue.

[kg85621]

I understand

[Jenna Marie]

I wouldn't recommend it... I'm one of those whose marriage survived (we're still very happily together), and I'm 100% sure it would not have if I'd lied about something this big. Good luck.

[Vicky]

If you are not ready to be honest with a spouse, you are not ready to begin taking hormones.

If you do not in your own mind know if you have GD or not, you are not ready to be taking hormones.  Resolve the personal "am I or am I not" as best you can BEFORE the first dose of HRT. 

If you and a thereapist agree that you will not know without a short medically supervised course of hormones, then absolutely be sure your spouse knows before taking them, they pose enough medical concern that your spouse needs to know where the insurance money is coming from. 

[Rachel]

You may want to consider no less than 6 therapy sessions prior to HRT. If you are TG then you basically come to the conclusion. Yes, disclose to your wife that you are TG, when sure, and then HTR, when sure. You need to go through a qualified medical provider for HRT scripts and monitoring.

I went 6 months in therapy prior to HRT.

The Social Worker asked, why am I here. I said I am TG. She asked how do I know I am TG. On my intake I broke down and did complete TG life history dump. Days prior to the intake I had typed out my history and stared at it for hours prior to making the call for intake. My life came out with a lot of emotion. The Social worker took notes and had no questions when I was done. She said I hit every base. I was all inclusive and 100% honest.

My therapist said I am a textbook TG. She teaches the subject at U of P. and I is married to a TG. After a few months I asked the therapist what exactly is dysphoria and she cited many examples that I told her. I said OH  yes I have a bad case of dysphoria with many layers and severities.

Therapy has helped me to understand my self, express how I feel, learn to feel. Sharing I am TG and on HRT with a specific person, my wife included, helps me. Yes, it is selfish and I deserve a self, finally.

I have to explain the reasoning to the therapist prior to disclosing to a person, there are reasons for this. We are vulnerable in transition and we need supportive persons so when we disclose to a wife, for example, we have a safety net to be caught, in because it is a ride.

Lastly, if you can get help, it is so empowering to be your self. Do it well, you have but one chance. When the words have flight you set them free never to be retracted. Good luck

[Andaya]

If you are not ready to be honest with a spouse, you are not ready to begin taking hormones.

If you do not in your own mind know if you have GD or not, you are not ready to be taking hormones.  Resolve the personal "am I or am I not" as best you can BEFORE the first dose of HRT. 

This, a thousand times over.

Hormones are not something to test out.  Sure, you can change your mind later, but your mind should be firmly made up first.  They carry real health risks, not to mention the possibility of sterility over time.

[bethany]

Be honest with your significant other, They may be accepting they may not. But at least they will know whats going on. If you hide it from them that will put a wedge between the two of you. And once you lose trust it's hard to gain it back.

[Eva Marie]

Another vote here for honesty. You are both in this together whether you realize it or not, and IMO it's not fair to keep her in the dark about something as major as this.

I've told my wife about every piece of this puzzle as soon as i knew something. I told her about HRT as soon as I was sure that HRT was going to be a permanent fixture for the rest of my life. My brain requires a chemical that my body can't make and that's what i told her. And I knew that she would eventually see what HRT did to my body so it's a secret that won't last long.

I have kept my wife fully informed as i take each step in this journey. She hasn't left *yet*, but I'm not done with the journey yet either. I hope that she chooses to stay, but I'm trying to prepare myself mentally in case she doesn't.

Deal with her with integrity. If she catches you lying (and she eventually will) you will have another huge problem to deal with - a lack of trust.

I wish you well with whatever decision you make. It's a very hard road to be on.

[Joanna Dark]

To answer your question, it really depends on genetics and your starting point. Some people simply respond faster and better to HRT then others. Some people can hide it for a long time, others not so much. I have no significant other but I do have friends and people started saying stuff within three months. I have simply been unable to hide it. I guess if I had a beard or something maybe I could have but that would require me to have a beard. TBH, people thought there was something wrong with me beforehand as I am pretty androgynous as a whole. But you should say something regardless.

[Jenna Marie]

I don't think I would have been able to hide it very long... I had visible breasts while naked within about a week, and clothed by a month. Oops. But as Joanna says, it depends on genetics and individual responsiveness.

[Antonia J]

I don't think I can add anything to what others said, except that if you cannot be honest with your SO, then it probably is not a relationship you should have. See a therapist, and preferably one who understands gender variance issues.  He/she will help you understand yourself, and prepare you for working with your SO if and when you ever come out.