Really scared. ANY ways to feminize myself wihout hormones for now?

[Roxanne_Burste]

Hi everyone,

I finally came out to my parents on monday. My mother is completely supportive! My father doesn't accept it, but he doesn't condemn it.

He downright refuses to even take me to a gender therapist for awhile. He's forcing me to wait, I don't even know how long. It could be a few years which really really scares me. People tell me all the time that if I get on hormones really soon I'll look amazing. I mean even now I'm able to get halfway decently passable and look kind of pretty. And I hear 18 is a good age to start hormones.
But my clock is ticking and I'll just manlier and more disgusting and look worse and worse as I age without hormones. It's terrifying to me.

I can't drive and don't have a dollar to my name, so sadly my fastest way to hormones is through my dad.

Since my father obviously doesn't care about me enough to let me get the therapy I need for now, I've been on this ridiculous diet that I have no other option but to do, to try to keep myself from getting too much worse for now.
I eat nothing but foods rich in phytoestrogens and natural estrogens, like tofu, eggs, soy products, tomatoes, etc. I drink nothing but spearmint tea and tomato juice. I eat one small-medium sized dinner and lightly snack for the rest of the night every day.
I avoid meat and exercise like the plague because I'm horrified of the thought my testosterone getting higher.

Is there ANYTHING I could do that'll help feminize me? Absolutely anything, I don't care what it is as long as it'll make make me more feminine. I'll be forever grateful.

I'm 18 by the way.

Roxie

[LordKAT]

Can you get a a job? Even if it is part time the money will add up.

Are you covered under insurance, even if it is your parents?

If you are 18, then you don't need permission for services nor can your provider tell your parents.

[Roxanne_Burste]

Can you get a a job? Even if it is part time the money will add up.

Are you covered under insurance, even if it is your parents?

If you are 18, then you don't need permission for services nor can your provider tell your parents.

Honestly I hate my body and face and everything about me so much when I have to be in guy mode that it's debilitating to me. Every masculine aspect about me is like a needle in my side. Leaving the house when I'm forced to be in "guy mode" by my parents is like moving a mountain to me.
I know it may sound ridiculous but that's how much I want to be a woman on the outside, to match my inside. I'm just completely miserable like this.

And my dad would probably be more likely to give in before I can make much money. Keep in mind I'd probably have to pay a taxi driver or something to get me to and from the therapist.
Like this is really time sensitive for me, all day every day I'm worrying so much about this.

Yes I'm under their insurance, but I don't have access to the insurance card. I don't even know what our insurance provider is.

Do you have any tips to feminize myself? Because that would help the most right now.

Thank you so much!
<3 Roxie

[Heather]

Honestly I hate my body and face and everything about me so much when I have to be in guy mode that it's debilitating to me. Every masculine aspect about me is like a needle in my side. Leaving the house when I'm forced to be in "guy mode" by my parents is like moving a mountain to me.
I know it may sound ridiculous but that's how much I want to be a woman on the outside, to match my inside. I'm just completely miserable like this.

And my dad would probably be more likely to give in before I can make much money. Keep in mind I'd probably have to pay a taxi driver or something to get me to and from the therapist.
Like this is really time sensitive for me, all day every day I'm worrying so much about this.

Yes I'm under their insurance, but I don't have access to the insurance card. I don't even know what our insurance provider is.

Do you have any tips to feminize myself? Because that would help the most right now.

Thank you so much!
<3 Roxie

You said your 18 right? It may be difficult for you to leave the house in guy mode. (It is for everybody) But truthfully if you really want to transition your going to need a job. Transitioning is expensive and most of it is not covered by insurance. You can't just expect your dad to cave and pay for everything. This is your transition take charge of it. 

[Roxanne_Burste]

You said your 18 right? It may be difficult for you to leave the house in guy mode. (It is for everybody) But truthfully if you really want to transition your going to need a job. Transitioning is expensive and most of it is not covered by insurance. You can't just expect your dad to cave and pay for everything. This is your transition take charge of it. 

Ugh.. that's the absolute last thing I wanted to hear.. But thank you for the tip.

My mother was overprotective of me when I was growing up to the point where it was honestly disturbing, so I never gained social skills. She's made up for that by being so supportive of me being transsexual though.
Interacting with people is really hard for me to do in guy mode and I just don't know how. To the point where it's almost social anxiety. It's very hard to explain. But I am completely confident in the fact that I would be able to socialize and interact with people SO much easier once I'm more of a woman.

I would honestly sooner work on a cam site (I know I'm definitely pretty enough for that, lol) and be able to be in girl mode all day than be absolutely miserable, having to leave the house, and working in some dingy old department store or something and be forced to be in guy mode for 8+ hours a day.

It's not like I wouldn't pay my dad back later. I'd rather happily pay him back for a few years as a gorgeous woman than live the rest of my life being miserable.

I'm just so scared of waiting to do this. Like it honestly stresses me out day and night every single minute I'm not on hormones. I keep getting stress migraines because I worry so much.

[LordKAT]

Use your stress at leaving the house as a reason for wanting a therapist.


Your Dad should be able to easily see that if  it s as bad as you say.

[Heather]

Ugh.. that's the absolute last thing I wanted to hear.. But thank you for the tip.

Roxanne I know you didn't won't to hear that. But truthfully unless you stand up for yourself and do whatever it takes to transition your going to be stuck like this for a long time.
And don't go into this thinking your going to be a beautiful woman. Truthfully your only going to let yourself down. Because trust me that guy you see in the mirror now. You will see him again and again no matter how much you change. The truth is most women never think of themselves as beautiful.
I know you don't want to hear these things but they are the truth. Being trans is not easy being a woman is not easy none of this is easy. And it will get much worse before it gets better. Your parents can't transition for you. You have to transition for yourself and yourself alone.
I know you want to hear how to feminize now. And really I can't help you with that sorry. But I am trying to help you get off the ground here I know all this is scary and trust me it gets far more scarier as you move forward.
I hope in the long run this post helps I know it's not the temporary solution your looking for but transitioning is a journey one that will change you in more ways than you can imagine. I wish you the best of luck. 

[Roxanne_Burste]

Roxanne I know you didn't won't to hear that. But truthfully unless you stand up for yourself and do whatever it takes to transition your going to be stuck like this for a long time.
And don't go into this thinking your going to be a beautiful woman. Truthfully your only going to let yourself down. Because trust me that guy you see in the mirror now. You will see him again and again no matter how much you change. The truth is most women never think of themselves as beautiful.
I know you don't want to hear these things but they are the truth. Being trans is not easy being a woman is not easy none of this is easy. And it will get much worse before it gets better. Your parents can't transition for you. You have to transition for yourself and yourself alone.
I know you want to hear how to feminize now. And really I can't help you with that sorry. But I am trying to help you get off the ground here I know all this is scary and trust me it gets far more scarier as you move forward.
I hope in the long run this post helps I know it's not the temporary solution your looking for but transitioning is a journey one that will change you in more ways than you can imagine. I wish you the best of luck. 

Thank you for the wisdom. I know that, but I can't get any worse looking xD even if I become even slightly more feminine I'll be happier.

I know.. I guess my only option is finding a way to jimmy my phone into a webcam and be a cam girl on one of those dirty cam sites that have a section specifically for trans folk. I'm on the computer literally all the time so I could make a good amount of cash. That would be way faster than trying to look for a minimum wage job around here and coaxing myself into leaving the house. I just hope those sites can mail checks, I dont have a bank account and can't tell my parents if I work on a cam site.

I'm not trying to get my parents to transition for me, I just need their money and their time to drive me to the gender therapist and to get hormones.

I'm just so frustrated with this situation..

Thank you with the help though.

[Flan]

If can't afford therapy/doctors medicaid or other government sponsored medical assistance should be able to help to a point. Parent provided insurance should also cover mental health although the availability of services either way varies a lot. The latter remains an option until you're 26 although it requires them actively keeping you on their plan. And obviously doesn't matter if they won't or lack insurance themselves.

http://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=33698