wearing a dress when you're not used to it

[Yuki-jker86]

Today I had my first referral.
the doctor was a really nice guy an just listened to everything I had to say.
on his notepad, he wrote ?gender identity disorder
with a question mark.  this worries me a fair bit so I asked him about it. he said usually for a straight referral to the clinic, they expect to see somebody who was already wearing a dress and make-up etc. He said the question mark was because he wanted to check my bloodwork and also confer with his colleague but he was thinking I was 'probably' gender identity disorder.
well anyway, I thought about what he said and I thought that I would like to be able to wear a pretty dress oe day, I decided to buy a cheap dress that would fit me. turns out I'm size 18 as I currently am.

anyhow, I put it on and it was very weird. certainly not what I'm used to and I'm not sure I liked it. I suppose from the side, I liked the way it looked, but just walking around, not looking in the mirror, trying to get a feel for it, I didn't feel comfortable.
I understand it's not the clothes that make the person, so I'm wondering if I could get some feedback.
This has knocked my confidence a little and I am wondering if I may feel the same when confronted by a pair of breasts growing on me. I just think I want to get a bit of perspective and remember how I feel about various other things.

so my question is, how did you feel when you first dressed yourself? was it wholly positive or were there lots of misgivings. I'm expecting and hoping that there are a lot of varied reactions. If not, then I think I must be really screwed up somehow.

[Katie10]

I'm sorry about your doctor.  I think the whole conferring with another person is because you didn't fit his definition of what a transgender woman should look like ie wearing.  Therefore, he just wanted to save his butt before he decided anything.  Please don't let a doctor make you feel that you are somehow inferior.  When I first tried on girl clothes at home it just felt natural to me.  Mind you the first time I dressed was when I was in elementary school.  Now the first time buying clothes and wearing them out in public was nerve wracking.  I just decided that whatever I wore that I would just rock it and not worry about what someone else thought.  Part of the problem when I first dressed and went out was because I didn't fill the top out.  For now I have a temporary measure that I use to help me fill out shirts and dresses.  The first time I wore a dress in public I did it with friends so that I wouldn't feel so ackward.  In the end I found that it actually went really well.  I haven't worn a dress since then but I just a few new ones so I plan on wearing them when I go back to school.

[ac110]

You're lucky, I wish I could fit into an 18.  It's more like 20 to 24 for me.

Very similar experience to mine... (Except that well, I'm UK size 18... And I still think I'm too big to make dresses look really good on me, without a corset or something.)

That said, I really feel most of female clothing I tried is more comfortable fit than I thought it would be, as long as I wear it with a padded or stuffed bra if it's a dress or a top.  Without a bra it does feel all wrong, sort of like you wear it wrong side forward. Sitting down and standing up in a skirt, obviously, requires some getting used to as well.

And more of a culture shock than discomfort... I didn't realize that jeans are about the only thing girls regularly wear that has pockets. And you aren't supposed to put anything into them even then. Yeah, you're supposed to have a handbag...

[suzifrommd]

so my question is, how did you feel when you first dressed yourself? was it wholly positive or were there lots of misgivings. I'm expecting and hoping that there are a lot of varied reactions. If not, then I think I must be really screwed up somehow.

Well I didn't wear a dress, that's for sure. I've been living full time as a woman now for a month and a half and part time for months before that, and I still haven't put on a dress. I dressed in a way that I thought would be flattering for my body. For me, that meant skinny jeans and a turtleneck shirt.

Putting on the bra felt really uncomfortable. I got nauseated when I saw the feminine bra against my hairy midsection. Got scared for a few moments that I wasn't trans. Then I realized it was the hair that that made me queasy, not the bra. 

Your doctor is misguided and misinformed. MtFs are not always cross dressers. I wasn't. Never cross dressed in my life until a counselor suggested it - to see whether it felt more or less natural. I planned for a month what I would wear because I didn't want to do it and feel unattractive.

The putting on of female clothes did nothing for me. They felt uncomfortable because they did not fit well. I was always worried the wig would slip, the rags in my bra would shift, or my clothes would ride up showing telltale body hair.

It was not until I was out in public, and felt the intoxicating feeling of having the world see me as a woman that I was hooked.

I hope this helps. Please make sure you get counseling with someone who really can help you discover who you are.

[bethany]

It never should be about the cloths or how one presents herself. There are plenty of cis women who never wear a dress, skirt, and heels. Why should we be any different? People come in many flavors. Wear what makes you feel most comfortable. I haven't worn a dress since I use to dress as a child. I did own a skirt a few years ago before I purged but never went out wearing it. Does that make me any less of a woman? Hell no! It is only been in the past few weeks that I have been thinking about buying a dress or a skirt suit of some kind to wear. As I am now settling into my new body and gender role. And I'm ready to push my comfort zone. But there is nothing wrong with wearing jeans and a shirt.

Be yourself and be comfortable within yourself.

[vegie271]

everyone is different - I was wearing clothes (my mothers from the time I was small) when I got out of the house I started buying what I could as soon as possible - as soon as I got a job I started presenting as weirdly as possible even before I presented fully female this was in the 80's so it was even pre "goth"

some drs have a strange idea of what you need to do - because every person has a different path -

you know who you are inside and that is what really counts.

I really just dress the way I do for my own comfort not to please anyone else and so should you - be the "female" you know are

[Pia Bianca]

so my question is, how did you feel when you first dressed yourself? was it wholly positive or were there lots of misgivings. I'm expecting and hoping that there are a lot of varied reactions. If not, then I think I must be really screwed up somehow.

Okay, let's see. I bought some girls clothes recently. Some hot pants, some dresses. A skirt and some leggings too. Some of these things look... strange an me. Some of those look totally wrong. I'll stick with those looking strange for the time being. I totally love the hot pants, but I don't think I'll ever look good in them. I still keep them because they feel good.

That said, you'll have to find out which clothes fit your style. I'd recommend to try those which look only slightly girly, if dresses aren't your style. Try to visit your doctor in girly clothes next time.

If I understand correctly he just wants to know if you're serious about transitioning. And hey... perhaps you'll find out that there are clothes which actually look good on you. You'll never know if not for this therapist.

Even if it wasn't for the therapist, I'd actually recommend playing around. There might be surprises waiting...

[Yuki-jker86]

thanks for your feedback all!
I appreciate the support and it was comforting to hear about your experience. I think I have had an emotional block there somewhere.

I think that it's possibly just something that I need to relax with and I should start to feel the benefit in time.
I had an idea... well the first time I put it on, I figured it best to wear nothing underneath as I didn't have any lingerie . I thought perhaps it is the feeling of vulnerability that made me on edge or uncomfortable. I decided to try with a pair of shorts on and there was a big difference.
I'm still not sure but if I felt better the second time, then surely I'll feel better the third time.
well I tried walking round the house a bit instead of just looking in the mirror. I started to feel my inner woman. something I don't normally feel. it's sort of like this sharp witty and powerful person behind my eyes, it's me but it isn't the me that is there most of the time. I love her. she is the most amazing person I have ever 'met'.  I hope I can spend more time with her. If I'm lucky, I can become her.

I need to remember this.

yes, I think the doctor wasn't really doubting on me, but I think that for their normal procedure, it is a bit tricky. they have to apply for funding from the welsh assembly and they have to send me to a clinic all the way in London! I think, he just wants to make sure I'm doing the right thing for me and also for the health system.

hmm, I honestly didn't think something like putting on a dress would be such a challenge! I guess we all have some roadblocks from time to time.

[vegie271]

thanks for your feedback all!
I appreciate the support and it was comforting to hear about your experience. I think I have had an emotional block there somewhere.

I think that it's possibly just something that I need to relax with and I should start to feel the benefit in time.
I had an idea... well the first time I put it on, I figured it best to wear nothing underneath as I didn't have any lingerie. I thought perhaps it is the feeling of vulnerability that made me on edge or uncomfortable. I decided to try with a pair of shorts on and there was a big difference.
I'm still not sure but if I felt better the second time, then surely I'll feel better the third time.
well I tried walking round the house a bit instead of just looking in the mirror. I started to feel my inner woman. something I don't normally feel. it's sort of like this sharp witty and powerful person behind my eyes, it's me but it isn't the me that is there most of the time. I love her. she is the most amazing person I have ever 'met'.  I hope I can spend more time with her. If I'm lucky, I can become her.

I need to remember this.

yes, I think the doctor wasn't really doubting on me, but I think that for their normal procedure, it is a bit tricky. they have to apply for funding from the welsh assembly and they have to send me to a clinic all the way in London! I think, he just wants to make sure I'm doing the right thing for me and also for the health system.

hmm, I honestly didn't think something like putting on a dress would be such a challenge! I guess we all have some roadblocks from time to time.

so you are saying you did not have any knickers, this could be part of the problem, I would have been uncomfortable also,  I always wear something, unless I am just going out to get the mail, if I am just running around the house I am running around bare, gut around town I wear everything

just more comfortable that way. I don't feel right in a dress without it. go ahead and invest in something nice it feels good to be girly

[Lesley_Roberta]

I have been stuck in this form for 51 years, and some things are not easy to turn off.

I WANT to wear a skirt more than anything, but, I refuse to make myself look stupid for it. So I have been unwilling to do that till I am ready.

I wish I could wear shorts like the cis women get to do, you know, ass hugging, high up on the leg SHORTS! Something that shows off my legs. I don't have super model legs, but, my legs are nice healthy walked a life time, not flabby or anything strong legs.

But the mid section pisses me off. Too much at the belt and nothing on the chest, it makes a mess out of trying to wear danged near any concept of female upper body attire.

And the overly large neck size, it means the petite look isn't going to happen. I'm only 5'7 but there is little reason to cheer. So what, I can wear high heels if I decide I hate my feet, and not end up dreadfully unusually tall.

But I recently had the chance to see myself in a nice white lacey over all atypical night gown I had bought. It was too small across the shoulders to be realistic, so the wife claimed it (going to chuckle at the idea of the wife wearing MY clothes for a while I suppose).
But in the mirror, I had to wonder to myself, 'wtf are you doing?'. Just too much male in the mirror.
That and the thing was a bit too sheer (something I could not detect in the images online). I had hoped for a good deal more modesty in the article

I find myself wearing my polo T -shirts to bed, just the shirt. They have aaaaaalmost enough length to actually cover me.
Not that I care, I used to sleep naked, but I enjoy the feeling of wearing a quasi sexy nighty sized article.
It pleases me to think I can lie in it and with the right pose that bare assed look can be...... ok there is little value in promoting the idiocy past the realm of my imagination hehe.

I am not so much concerned about feeling ok in the clothing, it is I am just not too pleased by what is still there in the clothing.

I for one thing said get thee gone to body hair and now, I ruthlessly banish it.
If I were to be taunted by a friend to get into a sexy swimsuit for a woman (who would at least be my age), well at least I don't need to worry about the body hair.

[Yuki-jker86]

vegie271, some nice knicks and bra would be lovely...  I have to say though, I have a problem with the tuck, my... parts... are somewhat over sensitive. very difficult to handle. but I can only try.

JulieR, thanks I do realise that... but I also know that I have supressed so much of myself over the years. saw the therapist all the way through university because I didn't feel happy around my friends at all. I see to have built some very strong walls in my psyche. having a strong willpower does have quite a negative aspect.

But in the mirror, I had to wonder to myself, 'wtf are you doing?'. Just too much male in the mirror.

wow... I totally relate!
this is like exactly what I have thought on occasion. first time I started taking myself seriously, this was about 2 or 3 months ago, I bought myself a garter and I had exactly the same reaction.
there is good news though. we can do something about various parts of ourselves even without hormones. something we can do with no money and hopefully not too much effort.  I should probably make a thread about that too.
I've been working on slimming my waist by exercise. I have seen some excellent results so far.
I wish I had your dedication with the body hair. I tend to just cover up. I can be very lazy when it comes to that sort of thing. although I do have a mostly bare chest right now.

[DriftingCrow]

Hi jker86, as someone who was forced to wear a dress every day for years when I was little, I can confidently tell you, don't worry if a dress feels uncomfortable. Women's clothes aren't designed to be comfy, they're designed to look good (and, at least less-modern clothes: show social status, keep women at home, and so on) .

That said, some dresses and skirts can be comfortable, you might want to try a few different styles and materials before giving up on them altogether. I think material with more flow (like a rayon, polyester with spandex blend) is more comfortable then dresses/skirts with stiffer sorts of fabrics (like heavy cotton). You may want to try different lengths too, while I like long skirts with jersey fabrics for walking around, they totally suck if you work in an office because you always have to bunch up the skirt in order to prevent it from getting stuck in the wheels on office chairs. 

[Rosa]

Its good to remember to dress appropriately for ones age. Im to old to wear tight shorts or a mini skirt, but I can still dress nice. Hardest part is finding shoes.

Lots of women don't wear dresses. Get a pair of girl jeans or slacks and a blouse. Plan on some time finding what size fits best the first time. Took me a while, and sizes vary by brand and time (old thrift store sizes are different than what is at Walmart - at least for me).

[vegie271]

Hi jker86, as someone who was forced to wear a dress every day for years when I was little, I can confidently tell you, don't worry if a dress feels uncomfortable. Women's clothes aren't designed to be comfy, they're designed to look good (and, at least less-modern clothes: show social status, keep women at home, and so on) .

That said, some dresses and skirts can be comfortable, you might want to try a few different styles and materials before giving up on them altogether. I think material with more flow (like a rayon, polyester with spandex blend) is more comfortable then dresses/skirts with stiffer sorts of fabrics (like heavy cotton). You may want to try different lengths too, while I like long skirts with jersey fabrics for walking around, they totally suck if you work in an office because you always have to bunch up the skirt in order to prevent it from getting stuck in the wheels on office chairs.

you are nuts! where I live artificial fabrics are out of the question! cotton is all I wear, I do wear blended fabrics to make it easy to just wash and dry sho I don't have to iron but cotton breathes. all the artifical fabrics are sticky in hot weather you get all sweaty

sure they are nice and slick and soft, but they feel awful once the heat set in 

[Erin Kay Howell]

This first time I wore womens clothes I really felt strange. Very uncomfortable because it wasn't used to the feeling... im still not. But over time it'll get better... hopefully XD

[MaryXYX]

JK: I agree with Julie, you already are an amazing woman.  You have to overcome all the things that suppress your real person, that's just hard work - you can do it.

The usual problem with choosing clothes is that you have absolutely no experience or idea where to start.  Many of us find a female friend of about our age who can advise.  That's not a strange idea - the first time my next door neighbour saw me dressed, and she is 80 plus, her main comment was that my "boy shoes" were completely wrong.  As soon as she realised we had the same size feet she gave me a pair of shoes.

I only 'tuck' when I am wearing a very form fitting skirt, which is rare.  At 64 I don't wear miniskirts anyway, looser skirts are more appropriate.

Charing Cross don't 'expect' you to wear a skirt, but it does help to show you are committed, and you will need the two years plus of RLE.  Did you know there is a Charing Cross online patients support group?  You don't have to have attended an appointment to join, but you have to have been given one because they ask which doctor you are seeing.

[Kaelin]

As others have said, you don't have to wear a dress to be a woman, so you should shop accordingly.  Wear what works for you -- anything "girly" or "womanly" should serve as a firm declaration that "you're serious," but unisex clothes are just as valid, and even full-on tomboy is socially-acceptable.  The important thing is to say cool and confident about who you are, and I think you should still "pass" their "test" if you articulate that we're in the 21st century and that you're not the sort of woman who has to dress girly to feel secure in her womanhood.

For me, about all the contemporary thin-fabric clothing that clings to the body does not look so hot (especially the tops), and for such dresses they particularly expose my lack of hips.  However, dresses that "flow out" (empire and a-line) and have more substantial material flatter me much more, even though such things tend to be more dressy and/or less contemporary.  I also do better wearing clothes without sleeves, as a broader chest stands out more with tight sleeves.  Also, while I've collected about 25 dresses over five years, I walk away with nothing most of the time I go to the mall.  The lessons I've taken away from my experience is that if you want to pick something "feminine" out that you're satisfied with, you're going to have to try a lot of different clothing types, styles, colors, fabrics, cuts, and stores, and you're going to have to try on a bunch of different days (as you will probably come up with new ideas after each attempt).  A big thing that'll help tremendously is to summon the courage to try things on in the dressing room so you can things on without forcing yourself to buy them -- you'll get to see more possibilities to see what works and doesn't work, and it'll give you a chance to act on new ideas right away rather than wait until the next time you go to the store.  And no matter what lessons you've learned, if item gets your attention and you love the way it looks, don't be afraid to try it on, even if you don't think it'll look right on you -- just try it, because you might be surprised, or you might get some other ideas about what you can do.

As for my experience with the "first" time I wore a dress, I don't think I really have an answer, because there are so many "firsts" with their own significance: the first time I wore one in the privacy of home (gotta start somewhere), the first time I wore one in public for Halloween (disappointingly since it wasn't "me"), the first time I wore one in public played straight (amazing, since I was "real"), the first time I wore one to church (also amazing), the first time I wore one when seeing my parents (mixed results), the first time I wore one to a restaurant with a friend (awesome), the first time I wore one to the doctor (boring in a good way), and the first time I went to a pride event (cool, except for the part where it was 108 degrees outside).  Getting confidence from people who are supportive (or simply just proceed as normal) helps, and does simply getting used to wearing the clothes in a public area and confronting the anxiety involved.  But *practice* (picking clothes and trying them on) makes a huge difference in becoming more confident and smarter about clothes.

In the end, I don't think it really matters what you wear as long as you're true to yourself.

[vegie271]

vegie271, some nice knicks and bra would be lovely...  I have to say though, I have a problem with the tuck, my... parts... are somewhat over sensitive. very difficult to handle. but I can only try.

oh yes, mine also, I never tuck, I have been on HRT 20 years, I wear skirts almost 100% of the time, the rest of the time skorts, when in public I am always in panties (what we call knickers here) I wear fruit of the loom 50/50 cotton/polyester moderately tight   and it does me fine keeps me well controlled and does not hurt. just find the right style and size.for you. I use bikini

personally I don't wear a bra but I am fairly small. 38 A - found out I prefer it that way after I could not wear one for a while when I got my two tattoos 

[Joanna Dark]

I remember the first time I wore a dress. I was six and it made me feel so pretty. I cross dressed until I started getting erections as age 16 (apparently this is late). Then my ex coaxed me into wearing her things. That was great. I wanna wear dresses now, not all the time just occasionally, but I barely feel right presenting female unless I get laser. In private, yeah I'd totally wear dresses if I thought they were fashionable. I mean my mom has dresses but she is like 5'1 and I'm 5'5 so they wouldn't fit.

I've always been big into fashion so I advise other people on how to dress. It's nice to finally be able to wear those clothes my self and have them actually show off some curves now. Once I go on fuill dose HRT I feel like I will develop a lot more.

[MaryXYX]

One more thought about buying clothes.  I bought most of mine from charity shops ( = thrift shops? ).  That way a mistake doesn't cost as much.  They are good for experimenting with jewellery too.

I managed a couple of personal 'firsts' this week.  I was browsing the charity shops with a cis-woman friend and a rather new cross dresser - shopping for me and for 'her'.  The first friend persuaded me to buy a thin summer dress which I didn't think was going to fit.  It's an 'XS' and doesn't really fit over the padded bra I normally wear.  The first 'first' was going to a pub in this dress and bra-less.  The second was being bought a drink by a man I hadn't met before that evening.