Yep. No more Steven Seagal marathons for us!! (perhaps)
I had to quote a line from that episode of the IT Crowd! I find it very funny, as the creators of IT Crowd and Father Ted do not seem to mean offence at all, they just lampoon and poke fun at every. single. thing. in life. I watched it with my friends and they know about my gender issues, so that was awkward at first, but towards the end of the episode we laughing too much [SPOILER ALERT!] about the fact "The Internet" was destroyed as a result.
Did you feel offended though? As since being on this gender-quest, I do feel nervous whenever I hear about gender non-conformity being presented in the media. And sometimes I do get very angry by the negativitiy. I wish it could all be as flippant, irreverent and as silly as with the IT Crowd, as its far more harmless that one article by the Daily Mail or some depressing and embarrassing "realistic and gritty" TV drama about transsexuals. Anyway, straying off-topic!
Yes, sometimes I feel fine about myself and my place, and there is no issue. However over the years I've since noticed and become aware of that when I feel "fine" and am not stressing about gender, - its usually when I look quite androgynous and I don't have to fill a standard male role. So this observation is slowly confirming that there is an issue all the time, but there's also that there's a potential way of reducing this issue, perhaps. Its great that you found therapy rewarding! The emotional baggage you can release can be fantastic. You may also come to some useful realisations and ways of thinking too. I haven't as yet experienced this with official therapy, only with talking to a friend of mine who asks excellent questions and listens to my answers.
I stress about gender when I notice an extra bit of masculinization I don't want, or when I'm forced do be more guyish or more girly than feels natural for me. I also stress when I read about horror stories, and of the potential medical pitfalls of taking hormones etc.
That's why simple crossdressing can be beautiful. Especially if you do it somewhere like a deserted beach or a forest or if you wear a street-fashion like Japanese Lolita fashion where you can blend in with the others who also wear it. When I do this, my mind concentrates on the tactile and emotional feelings, like the sensation of a warm breeze on my legs when I'm in a skirt, or the happiness of not having to gender conform for a few hours.
Identify exactly what you are like when there is no gender stressing for you - what are you wearing, how are you presenting, what are your mannerisms etc. It can really help to identify what the triggers of the gender anxiety are, and what the underlying causes may be. Then you can potentially identify where any "fault" or issue exists, and how you may want to sort it out and make progress with finding peace.
Good luck! But remember, spooning leads to forking!
