No risk, no reward?

[Snowsong]

Hello everyone, I'm posting here today to get your option on whether or not I should tell my Aunt and Uncle about the way I feel. Here's the situation, right now I'm 29 years old but do to many mistakes in my life I currently live with my Aunt and Uncle. They are pretty much the only two people left who care about me. Because they do, they are allowing me to stay with them while I finish college. The thing is for 21 years now I've kept how I feel a secret from everyone. Doing this has taken its toll on me mentally (one of the reasons for all my mistakes in life). It seems like devoting so much time on thinking about this has cost me a lot in life. I just can't stand it any longer, living the way I do. The depression anxiety anti-social behavior, I'm tired of feeling like this. I want to tell them so maybe they can help me because so far I haven't made any progress and this has not gone away. But I'm so afraid about how they would react to the news that their nephew would rather be their niece.

How they can react is all over the place from really good to really bad. On one hand what if they can't deal with it  and kick me out on the street, I wouldn't be able to support myself on the part time job I have. The other side to this is what if their reaction was really good and they are willing help me. Then there's the middle ground where they let me stay but treat me like an outcast. There are many other ways this may turn out but the middle ground or the bad are the two outcomes I fear most. I don't fear them because I would have to live on my own but because I would lose the two people left in my family who care about me. (side note no one knows this about me. The rest of my family cut off contact with me out of a general dislike). What should I do in this case? Any thought or input will me much appreciated.   

[suzifrommd]

Snowsong, is there anyway you can bring the subject of Transgender up in a neutral way? Like say "Oh look. My friend posted on his facebook page this story of this guy that transitioned to become a woman . Have you ever known anyone like that?"

You can watch their answer. If they say something like, "how could he do that to his family?", you know they might not be accepting. If it's something like, "well I hope she's happier now" then might be better. If you can get a discussion started without disclosing about yourself, you can kind of feel them out.

Hope this helps. Good luck, and please keep us updated.

[MadeleineG]

Snowsong,

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but I can tell you that I spent twenty years not discussing my issues for external reasons. At the age of 32, I finally realized that that calculus of factors can always be skewed in a way that leads to a conclusion that bottling up your feelings is a positive move (for example, valuing others' happiness and comfort over your own). I realized that, while I could adjust the relative value I placed on different factors, that the truth of my gender dysphoria was unwavering.

You have to calculate the cost benefit analysis for yourself, but, if you can, try not to assign coefficients with the goal of justifying a predetermined conclusion.

Maddy