Misunderstood

[YBtheOutlaw]

i live in a country with such a heavy culture and a bunch of conservative people, who treat man-woman relationships before marriage as disgraceful and unsuitable, and have very little knowledge about variations from sexual binarity. it was only a few years ago that the concept of being 'gay' was in public discussions, and 'lesbians' came even later, though all the sexual variations prevailed under cover. the public, except for the people concerned about it like me and you, cannot distinguish gays and lesbians from transsexuals.

anybody who shows any signs of sexual deviations get tagged as gay or lesbian according to the born gender, and are cornered and looked down upon, predicting the future consequences. especially among school children, sexual deviations is almost a phobia, because they've been told to stay away from such people or they too would be addicted to such practices (homosexual relationships, because that's all they think these 'freaks' can do).

if by any chance somebody comes out or gets caught as homosexual (we too fall into that category according to their knowledge) they thoroughly advice that person to give up such practices, and if that doesn't work, put them under mental and hormonal treatment to bring that person back to his or her born gender.

seeing these conditions i had previously decided not to come out ever in my life, but after i joined susan's my attitude about my sexual identity changed. now i feel more confident being myself in the public. i haven't come out yet, but i crossdress, i chop down my hair the way i want, i walk and talk the way i want, and wish to come out sooner or later, and thought i didn't care anymore about gossipers who might tag me as homo.

but i've been wrong. the number of homosexuals has risen so rapidly and they appear in public as couples. but it is still a public disgrace, so almost everyone who crossdress are cornered now, people don't like to sitting with them in buses, or talking to them in person, and try to stay away from them because, probably they think they too might get 'contaminated'.

this has been worrying me over months. i have a lot of friends and a good reputation, and i'm fearing that some rumour might ruin my whole life. my close friends don't show any difference towards me, but i don't know what the rest of the world feels. (FYI majority of my friends are girls because i attend to a girls school, and 'friends' here refers to them) plus i don't want to make my friends feel uncomfortable talking to me or walking with me in public, and i DO NOT want to be tagged as lesbian when i'm a transman. and i DO NOT want them to catch me and force me into a feminine life. and i want to come out, and be accepted among my friends for who i am. but that seems so impossible.........

[SaveMeJeebus]

If they are your friends, they will accept you.

If you don't know how they will react. Bring the subject up, ask them how they feel about others. What do they think about gay marriage?

Get back on that.

[spacerace]

If it would not be safe for you to come out to others where you live, delay it.  I'm not sure if you mean people will just avoid you, or if it is actually a threatening environment to live in as part of the GLBT spectrum. If the latter, wait until you are in a place where you can be yourself safely. I don't enough about your situation to know what means for you - it may require moving.

Social rejection is unfortunately something pretty much every trans person has to face at some point in varying degrees of intensity.  Finding the courage to deal with this is one of the most difficult aspects of transitioning. It is hard enough to accept yourself, let alone cope with the reactions of others. You may lose friends, and maybe even family members.  People you think will accept you can react in the worst way possible.

Coming out means preparing yourself to handle rejection and disgusted looks from others. This sounds really negative, but it is important to understand what it will mean for your life when you tell other people.

I think a good test for how ready a person is to transition is the decision to do it anyways despite all of the above. At some point, you have to decide if it is worth it to be who you are no matter what.

[YBtheOutlaw]

If they are your friends, they will accept you.

If you don't know how they will react. Bring the subject up, ask them how they feel about others. What do they think about gay marriage?

Get back on that.

thank you. i know it's a good idea and i've tried it plenty of times. i've tried telling stories i find on newspapers about LGBTs to them. and every time i do so people speak about such topics with sour faces and disgusted voice, and i feel very uncomfortable when they do that. i have a few bit more rational friends who talk about such topics very openly and fairly, but i don't really believe  they could go as far as to accept me as a transman. plus i've tried the same with my parents and had no better results. my mother just says 'yuck' when i start telling such a story to her

i dunno. i'll just wait and see how things turn

[YBtheOutlaw]

If it would not be safe for you to come out to others where you live, delay it.  I'm not sure if you mean people will just avoid you, or if it is actually a threatening environment to live in as part of the GLBT spectrum. If the latter, wait until you are in a place where you can be yourself safely. I don't enough about your situation to know what means for you - it may require moving.

Social rejection is unfortunately something pretty much every trans person has to face at some point in varying degrees of intensity.  Finding the courage to deal with this is one of the most difficult aspects of transitioning. It is hard enough to accept yourself, let alone cope with the reactions of others. You may lose friends, and maybe even family members.  People you think will accept you can react in the worst way possible.

Coming out means preparing yourself to handle rejection and disgusted looks from others. This sounds really negative, but it is important to understand what it will mean for your life when you tell other people.

I think a good test for how ready a person is to transition is the decision to do it anyways despite all of the above. At some point, you have to decide if it is worth it to be who you are no matter what.

yeah i think i should wait until i at least have an income of my own and a place of my own. and rejection... i dunno. i have lots of friends and lots of people who know me but are not my friends, still they are concerned about what happens to me. i'm kinda famous around here you know, in the town i live. i'm thinking if i might be able to disappear into some other country and complete my transition, but... i dunno. i just want to be me. i don't want to pretend to be a girl to save myself from being tagged as a lesbian, but even my friends are saying, 'look yb, if you continue to dress like this people will have bad impressions about you. be more girlish' and blah blah blah (actually i have chopped my hair short and told everyone that i did so because my hair is too thick to grow long, and i wear only trousers and loose tshirts and tell them i do so because that kit is very convenient, and they believe them all.)

[Natkat]

thank you. i know it's a good idea and i've tried it plenty of times. i've tried telling stories i find on newspapers about LGBTs to them. and every time i do so people speak about such topics with sour faces and disgusted voice, and i feel very uncomfortable when they do that. i have a few bit more rational friends who talk about such topics very openly and fairly, but i don't really believe  they could go as far as to accept me as a transman. plus i've tried the same with my parents and had no better results. my mother just says 'yuck' when i start telling such a story to her

i dunno. i'll just wait and see how things turn

Just something who came to my mind.

I wonder if theres any way where you can get the chance to talk sexualety/gender in a way who are more exploring or maybe general debating.

I feel even for people who arn't even that ignorant but simple dont understand it can be difficult for me to explain the whole trans-thing, I think in a way its more easy for them to see if they see like me the whole gap of diffrence not just the "look gay marrige! the they vs us, but more a general thing how do we as humans or creatures deals with this" the whole nature - culture perspective.

you can take random things to it, like a animal show about variousity of gender, or that you read a book from.. india and speak genderoles in india and your country, what good or bad, what you wish they had or not or what you wish your country had.

maybe it will open up there view alittle without pushing too hard. so if you come out later then you already had the debatation even when you didnt really if you understand.
I don't know if its a idea.

I wont say whatever to come out or not I belive its up to each how or when, its not easy for anyone but each situation is individual, if you live in a certain dangerous area you also have to consider that and in general its best when your on a pretty safe ground and can suport yourself and all that.
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