Kids are so observant, Need help answering a 4 year olds question.

[bethany]

Yesterday I had one of my cousins visit me along with her two youngest children. Her son is 9 and her daughter is 4.
Well she told her son that I am trans and he is totally cool with it. They both called me Beth and used the proper pronouns. It's wonderful that they are being brought up to be so open minded.

But now this is the kind of funny part, but then again it goes against the home and how I perceive the home has been mistreating me.  The home has a picture of every resident out side their door and well my photo is from when I first moved in here over 2 years ago. And of course now that I am transitioning I look quite a bit different. Anyway the 4 year old asked, "Why do I have a picture of a man outside of my room?" I have no idea how to answer that question. So I just let it go.  But that didn't feel right either as she was being inquisitive and thats a great thing.

[Beth Andrea]

As a parent, I've always operated on the idea "if they ask it...they can understand the answer." (Obviously some details should be left out).

I had a young child ask me "why do (I) look like a girl when I'm a man?" His mom and aunt were all-a-fluster with, "oh no sweetie, Beth is a woman!" etc...which I appreciate, but I also don't like making the child feel stupid. In my case, I asked why he thought I was a man, and was told, "you have a man's voice."

True...but I told him that sometimes a girl is born with a man's body, and if that happens we have to work with doctors to make my body right for me. I told him he's very smart for noticing I have a man's body, and for staying strong in what he saw.

After that, he never misgendered me and always referred to me as "Aunt Beth."

So you might take that and use that approach.

[MadeleineG]

Perhaps it's time for a new photo.

[StellaB]

I would be honest and say it's an old photo from when I used to look more like a man and that it hasn't been changed.

[bethany]

Perhaps it's time for a new photo.

That it is and soon LOL

[Ltl89]

I wish I had some input to provide, but all I can say is that was a very cute story.

P.S.  Your new avatar photo is adorable.

[bethany]

I wish I had some input to provide, but all I can say is that was a very cute story.

P.S.  Your new avatar photo is adorable.

Thank you LtL. She is the little girl from the story

[suzifrommd]

As a parent, I've always operated on the idea "if they ask it...they can understand the answer." (Obviously some details should be left out).

^^^
This.

As Beth points out, you want to tailor the details to her ability to understand.

"I used to be a man", while not strictly semantically true will answer the question clearly and invite questions about how and why if she's still curious.

[MadeleineG]

As Beth points out, you want to tailor the details to her ability to understand.

I agree. It's important to keep information within a child's accessible range. That being said, my personal mantra is "Don't infantilize the children". IMHO, kids are far more able to process complex issues than society gives them credit for and I believe we do ourselves no favours by underestimating them/ shielding them from potentially confusing or challenging topics.

Maddy apologizes for the off-the-cuff rant

[bethany]

Thank you all for the replies. I can't wait till they visit again and I will answer her question.

[JillSter]

As a parent, I've always operated on the idea "if they ask it...they can understand the answer." (Obviously some details should be left out).

Yes, age appropriate information always.

I'm not a parent, so... you know... grain of salt....

But she obviously doesn't understand what "trans" means. I don't think it will hurt a child to explain that sometimes mind and body don't match, and that's why Uncle Joe is Aunt Joanne now, because the doctors helped her.

But again, I'm not a parent. Just trying to help any way I can.

Good luck!