Mixed opinions

[Bardoux]

When i started transition i knew that there would be parts of my body that would work for me and quite a few that would hinder me physically passing as female. When i get some particularly demoralising comments, i seem to notice these features more than usual.

A few months ago, my endocrinologist remarked that i should consider going full time sooner than i planned, as it was his opinion that i would find it difficult passing as a man. Not that i would pass as a woman, but just the male presentation i am currently maintaining to fund my transition wouldn't pass so well either. I feel that i am currently in between genders in how i look and how my body appears. I appear to be getting a lot of stares dressed in masculine attire wherever i go. I honestly don't believe that they are thinking why is that woman presenting like a man, but more along the lines of what is that person? A few times i over hear that question. It also seems that people don't always think it rude to stare. The majority of the times when people look away it is usually on the underground, where they are more concerned of being potentially caught staring in front of other people.

It hurts me when my family comment say things like 'i don't know why you would think you're getting stares... i don't see any reason why the should, you look like a guy.... you have a masculine face and features". It really saps the strength out of me and leaves me utterly confused and concerned that maybe it's all in my head.

On the other hand i am getting a lot of positive feedback from my support group and friends, and the other day at the hospital the lady at the reception addressed me as 'dear' before getting confused and hurriedly changing that to sir after i had spoken. How have other people navigated through this period, and is there an end in sight?...

[Miss Jill Thorn]

What and how you  precieve yourself is the most important however i do understand how words from others can be soo  discouring at times but remember their opinions are just that you press on to  your goal and be the person you want to be

[Joanna Dark]

The solution seems simple to me: present as female. There problem solved. I have the same problem because I have to present male for some work I do and it is not working. I thought it was my boobs so I wear a jacket that completely covers them since I am tiny so finding a jacket to cover them is not hard, but that did not work. It's my face that does it. I don't know about you I heard one person whispering "that's a girl I swear to God." And yeah on one level that's great but when you are in that situation it sucks. Just last night I had this horrible dream though that i didn't pass at all and people would not accept me and it was just bad and I detransitioned. So it could be worse. Really why don't you just present female. It's great I love it. I don't get many looks but this one train conductor hits on me all the time and life is good. Hell I even have a BF.

[JessicaH]

It hurts me when my family comment say things like 'i don't know why you would think you're getting stares... i don't see any reason why the should, you look like a guy.... you have a masculine face and features". It really saps the strength out of me and leaves me utterly confused and concerned that maybe it's all in my head.

It's a lot harder for most people that know us really well to see the changes in us that are brought on by HRT. I guess they lock in part of our gender identities in their brain and it takes a LOT to make them re-evaluate how they see us.

I've been on HRT for 2.5 years and NO ONE that I have known from pre-HRT has made so much of a hint that something was amiss until recently when I posted a new profile pic on FB, I got a comment from a friend I havent seen in a while that I looked "girly" and no one else posted anything after that comment...lol (I've been carefull to hide breasts up to this point). No comments or funny looks at the office either.

But, I have had a a lot of interesting interaction with strangers that lets me know that they see something that isnt seen by those that know me. At a checkpoint in Sierra Leone a few weeks ago, a military cop told me straight up that I look like a woman! He was friendly about it and even said I was beautiful like a woman and not handsome like a man!   I was a little freaked out but smiled and played dumb but it also made my day!!!!!  :-)

So don't beat yourself up over the fact that your family is having a harder time seeing the changes. It may take a while for them to have that mental "ah ha!" moment before their brains can make that shift to see you as a young woman. BTW, looking at your profile pic, I'd say your endo is right!!!

[Joanna Dark]

I've been on HRT for 2.5 years and NO ONE that I have known from pre-HRT has made so much of a hint that something was amiss until recently when I posted a new profile pic on FB, I got a comment from a friend I havent seen in a while that I looked "girly" and no one else posted anything after that comment...lol (I've been carefull to hide breasts up to this point). No comments or funny looks at the office either.

This hasn't been my experience at all. I have been on HRT for five months and within three months, everyone I know asked why I looked like a girl or straight up asked me if I am taking female hormones or getting a sex change. Even people I don't knwo that well on FB just from a picture. My mom went to a party Saturday and yesterday she told me she was all worried because someone might say something about how I look. She says i look anorexic. I guess it is her way of saying female lol but I look different. dramatically so. I'm young so maybe that is it. But I'm not 18 or 21 or something so I'm youngish. My one freind who I haven't seen in awhile said when I saw him "Wow you are a woman. When did this happen?" lol Yeah I hadn't seen him but I asked do you think people noticed and he spit out his drink and asked "How could they not notice?"

[BunnyBee]

I rarely had anybody say anything to me when I was in-between and could pass right now as a man, in fact. Mainly cause I'm so tall I think.

[Joanna Dark]

I rarely had anybody say anything to me when I was in-between and could pass right now as a man, in fact. Mainly cause I'm so tall I think.

GTFO! You could not pass as a man. No way Jose! I see tall girls all the time and the last thing I think is she must be trans. You should move to the east coast everyone is so tall. I feel like a midget and I'm like 5'6 if I stand as tall as I can. 5'7, 5'8 with lifts. But I guess I can see how being tall for a girl is like being short for a guy: it is not fun even if the fears are more imaginary.

[BunnyBee]

My face hasn't changed that much with hrt.   A baggy shirt and a hat and I would be g2g .   That isn't saying I don't pass as a woman either.  I just have one of those faces that works for both genders.   If I were 5'6" it would be a different story I'm sure, but it would have been an issue all of my life cause my face is really not much different than before.

[Bardoux]

Thank you for the replies ladies

Jessica: I was starting to think the same way at work; I guess they are so used to seeing my male face and body that it's very hard to dislodge. I'm deeply hurt and upset by my sisters earlier comments at lunch, but i'm wondering if she is just being honest with what she sees, and i should really be upset with myself for having unrealistic expectations after 5 months on HRT.
I can't say however, that it hasn't shaken me up, looking at my reflection i can see what she is talking about. Yeah, dysphoria is really ramping up again.

I definitely need to be more patient. Thinking things over, transition is a journey over many years and i really should be toning down my initial expectations and continue working towards goals that are attainable in the future.

As for the staring, I'm just going to ignore it as best as i can. I agree Donna that it really should be about how you perceive yourself and moving forward.

Joanna: Thank you for your responses hun, but i really don't think i would pass convincingly as a woman either. In fact i myself would be quite confused if i saw myself in the female bathroom. One of the girls at work calls me 'rock man' because of my long hair lol. Anyways I am probably going to put up a new thread with a bunch of photos that i took on the same day to show how different we/I can look with different presentation as Jen mentioned.

[Jamie D]

I rarely had anybody say anything to me when I was in-between and could pass right now as a man, in fact. Mainly cause I'm so tall I think.

Pffffft

Only if you wore these ...



@ Bardoux - I only wish I could looks as feminine as you do.  But passing is more than just looks - it is how you carry yourself, your voice, your confidence, your attitude.  Don't let the naysayers hold you back, girl.

[BunnyBee]

Pffffft

Only if you wore these ...

Pft!

@Bardoux you look very female in your pic.  If you have all the rest of your outward presentation in order, you shouldn't have to worry about passing.   You look great!