advice needed

[cartmonkey23]

Ok...hopefully this is the right place to share this.  But I needed to share with someone...I talk to my therapist tomorrow but I figured I would write and let you all know what happened this past weekend.  I think I have already mentioned or maybe not...but I came out to my fiance...at first she wanted to postpone the wedding but we talked about things..and our love for one another will never change.  So yeah....we are getting married in August....on my invites I put Jesse instead of Jessica...I have legally changed my name from Jessica to Jesse...my entire family calls me either Jesse or Jess not Jessica...my mom flipped out because she gave me this name and she cried and yelled at me and she has never been disappointed in me before that day.  I have not come out to my mom yet...my therapist thinks I should fairly soon because I cant get on with my transition without telling her...and I dont want her finding out from someone else.  My plans are to tell her in a couple of weeks...but I wanted to wait until my cousin was home from vacation so my mom would have some support.  She literally flipped out when I came out to her ten years ago as a lesbian...so I wanted to do it differently this time and make sure I do it right....if there is any right way to do it.   I think she is starting to have some inkling....she said something about my putting Jesse on the invites because it was a boys name..and she would never accept it.  Anyway.....I guess I rambled long enough.  I just know that I cant live to take care of her....I worry about her because she has already threatened to kill herself before this...about four weeks ago.  I just wanted to get this off my chest...thanks for listening or reading I should say...and if anyone has any advice it would be great appreciated.

By the way...I have changed my name and I am going to the human resource lady tomorrow to change it at work.  I have changed it with my license...registration...and the bank...going to the social security office tomorrow.......just thought I would add that....

Jesse

[cindianna_jones]

If you are transitioning, I'd put marriage on hold. 

You asked for advice... this is my opinion.  It's free and worth every penny.

There are too many personal issues during transition you need to address before you can give of yourself 100% to your spouse.  Personally, I believe that it is unfair to the potential spouse.

Cindi

[Steph]

I agree 100% with Cindi.

Speaking from experience if you are to live, transition will take over your whole life.  Transition will affect everyone around you both, friends and family, and your employers.  My own transition was picture perfect.  My family accepted me, my wife's family accepted me, my employer and friends accepted me.  But in the end, three months after GRS my wife of 33 years left me and my world as I knew it came crashing down around my ears.

I'm slowly coming back but it's been tough.  Very few relationships survive transition.  Think about it... it's going to be a huge effort on both your parts to start a family together without the complications associated with transition thrown into the mix.

It's great that you are able to talk about your issues with your fiance but I would seriously consider putting a wedding on hold until you both fully understand the consequences of transition and you have "Come out" to those concerned.

Steph

[Ms Bev]

Please help me out here, I'm a little confused..........you seem to be transitioning female to male , Jesse instead of Jessica, yet you refer to your now fiancee, as 'she'. 
Ummm.....is your fiancee a woman, and now finding out you are not a woman but a man?  Is this a lesbian wedding?
Go figure, sometimes I can be kinda dense.


Bev,