facebook

[GnomeKid]

Hello! 

I'ma give you the long and the short of it.

The long

So this may be the wrong place to post this because the issue I'm having isn't really 100% trans driven (although it may be a subconscious factor that I don't want to admit to myself), but I've resisted facebook since its inception into all of our lives (even somehow those who don't have one).
[Edit: now that I have typed this all I see a good bit of it is trans related.]

Its true that it did come about right in the middle of my transition, but I also couldn't trust my friends at the time with what they may say to me.  A lot of them got into some pretty bad ->-bleeped-<-, and I wasn't always too far behind albeit not as deep.  Eventually it became a resistance of significant effect (multiple friends trying multiple times).  Needless to say I have been a somewhat outspoken advocate against the site out of frustration at attempts to get me to join. This just adds to the mess, making it one of those really annoying things you have to admit to having "come around to" after being outspoken against it. 

Recently however I really have been coming around to it.  Mostly because I moved far away from most of my friends a year ago and the texts have slowly trailed off and I'm rather lonely.  It'd be nice to talk to them.  It also seems practically impossible to make friends at grad school without one.  I mean I've been here a year and the first person I had over was last weekend.... and I was teaching him to make a drum.  If I didn't have the tools/experience even that wouldn't have happened.

I went on with a sort of real name (fake first, real last... I have a killer awesome last name), but immediately upon finding a friend of mine and seeing all these old faces from high school on her little friends list to the side sent me running.

The last thing I need is any of them trying to talk to me... or remembering that I exist.  I'd rather even just stay that weird girl in their minds.  I really would 100% prefer to leave them in the past.  My last name is really rather memorable (and I was often referred to by last name in high school), so i backed up fast and deactivated it and am back to square one.

and the short of it
With the unsearchable option being taken away(which it has.  you can no longer choose to be unsearchable by name)  I'm figuring I may go with an alias.  I know I won't use my real last name for sure... maybe use the real first name and mothers maiden name and hope they just think I'm some other kid?

Do any of you use a facebook alias?
Is that like a crazy nut job thing to do? (not that it'd stop me =p)
How do you deal with people from the past you'd rather not have see you exist?

I'm out, but I just don't need/want some of these people in/around/gazing upon my life (some of them are probably not the most trans friendly and I don't need their mocking energy coming my direction in the universe.)

any advice?

Thanks,

- Rowan

[Liminal Stranger]

Absolutely not. Many people use an alias on facebook, whether it be for the reasons you have of leaving people in the past and not having them contact you, or perhaps not allowing colleges and businesses to see your activity (especially with the way kids act these days, no respectful company or institution of higher education is going to want to see evidence of reckless partying plastered all over the place on someone's account). Bear in mind that the name can only be changed a few times before you need a whole new account.

I have my preferred given name and birth family name as my name on my account, though many of my friends have some pretty ridiculous aliases on there.

[Simon]

Nahh, I just use my real name. I don't care who finds me. I keep my privacy settings where nobody can really see anything unless they're on my friend's list. If someone sends me a friend request I don't feel obligated to accept it if I don't feel comfortable with them on there. One example would be my gf's cousin. I don't associate with her much because she is one of those people you can't tell anything to without her making it her duty to inform everyone in the family of your doings. I don't have time for her drama so I don't accept her request. Put whatever name you feel comfortable with but why care who finds you since you're in control of who you add/delete on there?

[Adam (birkin)]

Nahh, I just use my real name. I don't care who finds me. I keep my privacy settings where nobody can really see anything unless they're on my friend's list. If someone sends me a friend request I don't feel obligated to accept it if I don't feel comfortable with them on there. One example would be my gf's cousin. I don't associate with her much because she is one of those people you can't tell anything to without her making it her duty to inform everyone in the family of your doings. I don't have time for her drama so I don't accept her request. Put whatever name you feel comfortable with but why care who finds you since you're in control of who you add/delete on there?

I think he has hit the nail on the head. A lot of people do use aliases, but you don't have to. If they add you as a friend, just don't add them back and have privacy settings that don't allow them to view your profile (also totally normal). You have the right to use facebook if you want, to connect with the people you want, and I doubt anyone will take it personally if you don't add them back. Especially if they only recognize your last name and not your new first name.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Even though I am out to friends, family and present female at work, I am super well hidden...

I have an alias name.
my profile pic is not me or anything from my real world life
my fb cover is not me or anything from my real world life
All FB albums are locked down to my 'close friend' list, so even if someone is added I need to approve them to access pictures of me. Without it they can just see my friends list posts, which are non-real world identifying.
I have tag approval turned on, so any tags of me need my approval.
My block list is comprehensive.

[spacerace]

The only way to have privacy on Facebook is not to have Facebook.  I mean, FB can make ghost profiles of people from information their system intuits from the data and interactions of others - it will certainly make the connections you don't want it to.

Do what you want because you can control the settings like others have said, so the above does not matter that much - but there is a chance someone from H.S. will see that your profile exists, even if they can't see its contents