undertone of pressure

[MrJ]

I thought that's what androgyne was.

I found this online for androgyne:

"An androgyne is someone with a single gender that combines femininity with masculinity, while bigenders have two separate genders (one feminine, one masculine). An androgyne is a third gender distinct from a man or a woman, which can still encompass both man and woman."

I probably need to do some more soul searching to make sure, but I don't feel like I'm a single, third gender, I feel like two separate genders, but unlike the bigender label, both of my genders are expressed at the same time. Maybe androgyne would fit. I'll have to do some thinking.

Blah. Maybe it's better not to label everything.

[GnomeKid]

Hmmm I've never felt there is a pressure to transition at all or in any particular way on this website.  I think most of the posts view transition in a positive light because that is what many people on this forum want. 

[Devlyn]

I found this online for androgyne:

"An androgyne is someone with a single gender that combines femininity with masculinity, while bigenders have two separate genders (one feminine, one masculine). An androgyne is a third gender distinct from a man or a woman, which can still encompass both man and woman."

I probably need to do some more soul searching to make sure, but I don't feel like I'm a single, third gender, I feel like two separate genders, but unlike the bigender label, both of my genders are expressed at the same time. Maybe androgyne would fit. I'll have to do some thinking.

Blah. Maybe it's better not to label everything.

Here's the page from our Wiki, there are some links at the bottom of the page that may be helpful.  Hugs, Devlyn

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Androgyne

[mowdan6]

I will say, I do not understand anyone that says they are trans, and doesn't look to fully transition.  But that is me.  and who am I to judge.  I know for myself nothing other than full transitioning is ok.  I need that.  More than I need my next breathe.  Not looking to judge anyone.  And don't judge those of us that need the full treatment. 

[MrJ]

Here's the page from our Wiki, there are some links at the bottom of the page that may be helpful.  Hugs, Devlyn

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Androgyne

Thanks for the link, Devlyn. I'm pretty sure from those definitions that I'm not androgyne. I do feel comfortable with the physical transition to male - maybe the femaleness I feel is just the residue of being brought up female? Do other trans guys feel this? I went through a stage in adolescence where I tried as hard as I could to squash my maleness and be female. Wore dresses, makeup, hair, etc. But it felt like putting on a costume and acting a part.

So now I'm more confused as ever as to why I feel I have a female part. Do I really feel that? It's like I don't want to turn my back on who I used to be. Does anyone else feel this?

[Devlyn]

It's OK to be a completely unique category, too. You may feel like you have a female part because you do! That's OK. Just be you. We're smart here, but it doesn't mean you fail if we don't have a neat definition that fits you. And by the way, I looked up MrJ in the dictionary, and there's a picture of you!  Hugs, Devlyn

[Simon]

maybe the femaleness I feel is just the residue of being brought up female? Do other trans guys feel this? I went through a stage in adolescence where I tried as hard as I could to squash my maleness and be female. Wore dresses, makeup, hair, etc. But it felt like putting on a costume and acting a part.

So now I'm more confused as ever as to why I feel I have a female part. Do I really feel that? It's like I don't want to turn my back on who I used to be. Does anyone else feel this?

This would be a good subject for a new topic. I could see this thread getting completely derailed with this separate topic.

[MrJ]

Apologies! Move on, I'll start a new topic.

[insideontheoutside]

I think it's cool that this thread could start new topics

[Erik Ezrin]

I agree that it's good to have this transiton-not transtion discussion too. Some days transitioning seems like a dire need, while other days I feel like I can easily go without because -like you said, insideonetheoutside- this gender business is only a small part of my otherwise good life. Some days I feel like transitioning would risk, and possibly destroy, all the other things I have build up and love. I'm afraid to alienate people -mainly parents and friends- from me, etc. but while I can LIVE like this, I can never live FULLY happy like this. Not now I know there is a solution, and I don't have to go on like this... >_<

But yeah, do you know whether there are transguys/-girls who don't physically transition, but who DO tell their friends/parents and transition socially?

maybe the femaleness I feel is just the residue of being brought up female? Do other trans guys feel this? I went through a stage in adolescence where I tried as hard as I could to squash my maleness and be female. Wore dresses, makeup, hair, etc. But it felt like putting on a costume and acting a part.

So now I'm more confused as ever as to why I feel I have a female part. Do I really feel that? It's like I don't want to turn my back on who I used to be. Does anyone else feel this?

MrJ,  yes! You're not alone in this!
I never wore lots of make up and dresses, etc. but I wore female cut stuff and also occasionally polished my nails, etc. I mostly saw myself as a tomboy in that stage. Never a girly girl, but definitely a girl. I blamed my unhappiness on my small boobs, and my sort of masculine appearance (now I actually think "HOW could I EVER think I looked like a boy!? D:"), but feminising myself didn't make it better.
Now I realize I've been lying to myself all the time, just because I thought there was 'no way out', and was crazy to feel male on the inside. But this 'female' part is still inside me, and sometimes makes me feel like an idiot pursuing a lie. It's kinda crazy... and sometimes I've thought I might be bigender or something, but the thing is that I don't know whether this female part is a leftover of my 'old self' and I just cannot let go, or if it actually is a part of who I am... confusing. :/










Edited for improper language.

[Natkat]

I agree that it's good to have this transiton-not transtion discussion too. Some days transitioning seems like a dire need, while other days I feel like I can easily go without because -like you said, insideonetheoutside- this gender business is only a small part of my otherwise good life. Some days I feel like transitioning would risk, and possibly destroy, all the other things I have build up and love. I'm afraid to alienate people -mainly parents and friends- from me, etc. but while I can LIVE like this, I can never live FULLY happy like this. Not now I know there is a solution, and I don't have to go on like this... >_<

I also think it's important to notice each person is in diffrent position, someone may want to transition but can't due to medical reasons or there current situations, and some may also want but they do not feel ready.

I know we all have a hard time in transition, nobody really do that easy so I guess your to expect that, but still we are in diffrent position and for some theres more risk than for others, ex I do suport people below 18 to come out to there parrent but I do not encourage them to do so, because I know how mentally hard it can be to live 24hours with someone like your parrents who do not accept you and make your everyday life hell.
I think somethimes we forget that people can be in diffrent positions even if it the same situation.

also if people are ready for transition and do have the option I feel its important they got accessibilaty to the information there needed. it scares me when people are moving toward homones or surgery but have no idea what its about.

in general it important to notice what the person needs right now and what posible and best for the current moment and situation, and not everyone feel the same.

[insideontheoutside]

I agree that it's good to have this transiton-not transtion discussion too. Some days transitioning seems like a dire need, while other days I feel like I can easily go without because -like you said, insideonetheoutside- this gender business is only a small part of my otherwise good life. Some days I feel like transitioning would risk, and possibly destroy, all the other things I have build up and love. I'm afraid to alienate people -mainly parents and friends- from me, etc. but while I can LIVE like this, I can never live FULLY happy like this. Not now I know there is a solution, and I don't have to go on like this... >_<

But yeah, do you know whether there are transguys/-girls who don't physically transition, but who DO tell their friends/parents and transition socially?

I'm sure there are people out there who transition socially, but as far as I know, they'll hit a wall at some point as in most states (and probably countries) you can't legally change your gender if you haven't had any medical treatment. For people you know to refer to you as male in a social setting all it really takes is an understanding between you and those people. For people you don't know to refer to you the way you want, well, you have to sort of look the part. That's how I'm stuck. I'd be happy if people I didn't know saw me as more male, but I can only get so far. I am in the majority (at least I think I am) in that I do have dysphoria. I'm just unwilling to do the regular treatment for that. I think I've done pretty well on my own though in that I'm nowhere near where I used to be with those problems. As far as I can tell, it's both the social and the physical dysphoria that combine to move people to want to medically transition.

But like you said, there's plenty of people who are still on the fence, or are more fluid, or any myriad of other reasons, where they haven't fully decided to go for full transition yet.

Maybe it really does just mean keeping more topics active on the board for different scenarios or other aspects of just "being trans" or "being unsure" so that the whole board isn't full of threads on T or surgery?

MrJ,  yes! You're not alone in this!
I never wore lots of make up and dresses, etc. but I wore female cut stuff and also occasionally polished my nails, etc. I mostly saw myself as a tomboy in that stage. Never a girly girl, but definitely a girl. I blamed my unhappiness on my small boobs, and my sort of masculine appearance (now I actually think "HOW could I EVER think I looked like a boy!? D:"), but feminising myself didn't make it better.
Now I realize I've been lying to myself all the time, just because I thought there was 'no way out', and was crazy to feel male on the inside. But this 'female' part is still inside me, and sometimes makes me feel like an idiot pursuing a lie. It's kinda crazy... and sometimes I've thought I might be bigender or something, but the thing is that I don't know whether this female part is a leftover of my 'old self' and I just cannot let go, or if it actually is a part of who I am... confusing. :/

I'm going to move my response to this to the new thread that was created.

Edited quote.