bathrooms and family...

[CursedFireDean]

I've discovered a bit of a dilemma... I finally started using the men's room over the summer because I was taking classes at a college that's quite accepting of lgbt students, so it felt pretty safe and wasn't too crowded. so I finally have the confidence to use the men's room.
but at home, I'm not living as Dean yet, so I can finish my last year at my school-its all girls. so to my family, even though I'm out, I'm still mostly a girl :/

the problem is that I go out with them a lot but I'm starting to get really weird looks in the women's bathroom. I feel like I'd be more safe in the mens, but with my family around, its too awkward for me to use the men's. normally I try to hold it but when you gotta go, you gotta go.
you guys have any ideas for what to do around them?

[Jack_M]

I had this issue tonight.  I just can't go to a woman's bathroom now, I'd get thrown out, I know it.  But I was at a film screening tonight and so quite a few knew me as my previous name.  So when I had to use the bathroom I almost froze when heading to the men's bathroom.  I ended up just going through with it but it wasn't easy for sure!  I say just go for it and use the men's bathroom.  If anyone does ask just say that you don't like the looks you get in the women's bathroom now.  Explain that women are more observant in the women's bathroom and it makes you uncomfortable and worried, whereas you don't get that experience in the men's bathroom because at least men go out of their way not to look at you!

Best way to handle it, just don't go at the same time as any of them if you can help it!

[GendrKweer]

When it comes to family, plausible deniability is the watchword (or two:)  I'm sort of in the middle of the gender spectrum, but always use the women's bathrooms because I'm post SRS. I'm out about it to everyone I know EXCEPT my elderly father, who came to visit us a few months ago. We'd go toward the bathrooms at restaurants, gas stations, etc, and I'd just laugh and say see ya on the flip side and pop into the ladies to do my thing before he could say boo. The first few times he was a bit shocked, but I laughed it off and said it's always cleaner in there (NOT true; I'm looking at you, hovering dames) or some other thing. As long as it gives them the slightest reason to believe you're just screwing around, they'll jump on whatever reason you throw out there and be fine with it, for no other reason than being transgender is so outside their normal thought processes that it won't be the first thing they think of. Good luck, brother! 

[Cindy]

You could try the old double bluff.

When you come back and family asks why you used the gents just say 'Because I needed a pee' and leave it there

[Danielle Emmalee]

lol Cindy, if only everyone could be as blunt as you....I don't know but it'd be a different world

[CursedFireDean]

thanks everyone I'll just try to go when nobody else is going, that seems like the best option.
and Cindy, your posts never fail to cheer me up   

[Natkat]

I have got the same problem, I dont really pee with my famely around spexcially not my mother even when im out and pass.
my only advice would be try to check when your famely goes to the toilet and try not to do it the same time, if alot of people goes to the toilet in the crowd then just way 5 min after to there done, or go to the toilet at a time where not many wants to, it can be abit akward in general I try to see if there multiply options in toilets, like if your in a shopping center usunally they have a couple of toilets in diffrent places.

[AdamMLP]

I have this problem, I pass and I get weird looks in the bathroom as well as having people check the sign and once a pub landlord try and drag me out -- fun times! -- but I'm not out as male.  I try and judge times when no one else is using the toilets, or scout out places that have gender neutral bathrooms.  I don't like using the wheelchair accessible ones because my worry of having someone get upset at me for using those as an able-bodied person is greater than getting looked at weird in the women's, but to someone more sensible than me they'd probably work just as well.  If it comes to the worst I get in and get out, making sure I've got my driving license in my hand so I can "prove" that I'm "Miss XXX".

I've just thought, could you say to them, "Nah I'm okay, I'll just wait out here for you," when they want to use the toilet, and then when they go inside dive into the mens?  You should be out before them unless there's a queue.

[rexyrex]

Im out to my family and they have been ok with it, but i went out with both of my sisters to an event and we all went to the toilets, i could not go in even though they know im a male now but i just felt so awkward. I would just either wait till they are gone, quicky go into the gents or say u want to go else where on ur own for a little while and find an other toilet else where?

[LordKAT]

My sons won't enter same time as me if they know I'm there. Whatever. I do the same for them. At shops, someone has to watch the cart, or so we tell ourselves, but we know the real reason.


At family reunions, it is no longer a real issue since most of them can't figure out who I am. Amazingly, I found acceptance from some of my Dad's sisters. One of them however has decided to no longer respond to me but I'll live. At first, I did as some of you have mentioned, used the men's but with no one in there.

[aleon515]

Gotta love Cindy's answer!!
"The lines are shorter?"


--Jay

[Frank]

I'm lucky in that the family I live and deal with for the most part is two males and three young sons and none of them fussed at me for telling them I would be in the gent's room and we go in at the same time with no problems.

My parents on the other hand... The one time I needed a bathroom and they were around, my stepdad yelled at me that the girl's bathroom was right there and if it hadn't been crowded, I might have yelled back "I can't go in the girl's bathroom you dumb-k." I'll clearly have to deal with them when I get a full beard going (which will probably be the least of my worries.)