My first therapy session

[Ryan1995]

I just came back from my first therapy session and it was a disaster. I thought it was going to be a long time before I could see a therapist and just when I get my hopes up that I'm finally going to start the process of my transition, another door gets slammed in my face. My therapist confused sexuality with gender identity. He thought that I was attracted to women and that made me want to be transgender so I could have a penis. I know that probably didn't make any sense to those who are reading this, but I am simply just stating what he said. Basically everything he said for the hour of the session was a complete load of crap. He is suggesting to my parents that I get on medication and he also said I could be suffering from a personality disorder. I am done. And what I mean by that is I won't say anything in the next therapy sessions. My parents will be wasting their money. Because the fact that he made my parents believe I need medication just pissed me off. I'm tired of being willing to be open and tell a therapist what I'm going through and end up being hurt because I have to sit there and listen to them talk a bunch of crap. I'm waiting until I can see a therapist that is actually trained in treating transgender people. I will probably be 19 or in my 20's before that happens. Since I'm a minor I can't say my age. What I do know is that when the time is right I will meet the right therapist that's going to help me and I am going to hang in there. I am not going to give up. I have to keep telling myself that because I'm really hurting. Today my mom revealed that she didn't agree with me transitioning because of her religion. This whole time I thought she was by my side. My therapist kept asking me how I could feel like a male and want a male's body if I was never a male. I couldn't explain to him how except all I could say was it was how I always felt and it was hard for me to try to explain to a person who is not transgender. I was so fed up with this therapy session that at the end I stopped talking to him. It might seem rude, but I've been through a lot and I am really tired. He explained to me that I shouldn't make the decision to transition until I was 25 because my frontal lobe will be developed by then. He thought I was being influenced by someone who was transgender. I told him I didn't personally know anybody who was transgender. I don't think he believed me because he kept asking me. He told me he treated transgender people before and they all regretted transitioning. I'm a strong person and I just have to face the fact that it could be years before I start the process of my transition. Some people just aren't that lucky to start their transition in their teens.

[MrJ]

I'm so sorry you ended up with such a clueless therapist. I hope you can get to see someone who has some experience or at least knowledge about treating trans people sooner rather than later. Geez, it sounds like everything this guy said was completely not from any legitimate transgender experience.

I hate that idea that we're being "influenced" to be transgender. My dad thinks that of me, too.

[aleon515]

OY! This is so terrible. I am so sorry you experienced this as IMO it's abuse. Esp since, as you say, you're a minor. Therapy can certainly problems, and I hope you don't feel that you have to stay with this idiot who is totally clueless re: gender identity. If he would listen to you, he might learn something, but it isn't your job to educate him. I don't know where you live but if you live in a major city then it is likely that you can find a gender therapist, if not there are therapists who do Skype. It sounds like your problem is compounded by the fact that your parents are probably paying. The stuff on T, and the frontal lobe, is patently absurd. I'm sure you know this. I have to say I've never read anyone arguing this, she deserves for coming up with some credit for pure imaginary hogwash.

There are resources here:
https://www.susans.org/Healthcare/Therapists_and_Counselors/

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,121007.0.html
http://www.lauras-playground.com/tg_resources_laura.htm

I don't think this list is quite as good as it should be as they say there are no resources where we are and there clearly are. I tried to add some and couldn't. But it's a start. Another is a local LGBT center.

Any therapist you go to should at least know the WPATH standards and follow them. If they don't know what these are, you shouldn't see them.

What is this with this recruiter stuff? A friend of mine says her ex calls her current therapist this. I should become a recruiter, sounds lucrative.


--Jay






In there therapy section, I'm not suggesting that you rehash all this, sounds painful, but you can say "I live in Chicago, does anybody know a good gender therapist" or wherever.

[Ryan1995]

I also want to add that he told my parents I didn't trust him because I wasn't being emotional with him. I don't think I've ever had to listen to someone talk as much crap as he did for an hour in my life. Some people just don't wear their hearts on their sleeves. I still have emotions just like everybody else.

[spacerace]

Who picked this therapist? Was it your parents intentionally looking for someone to talk you out of it?

No therapist should expect someone to trust them after only one session.

[Ryan1995]

My mom picked the therapist. I don't know if she intentionally picked him to try to talk me out of it. She told me he had knowledge of transgender people (which now I know isn't true).

[Kreuzfidel]

He told me he treated transgender people before and they all regretted transitioning.

What a load of malarkey.  I seriously doubt this claim.

Your therapist sounds like he needs educating - unfortunately, I realise you may not have options to just up and fire him and find someone else.  Try to do the research yourself - if you aren't good with words, maybe use your own education about the topic in your favour.  Read things that other people have said in response to stupid questions that some therapists ask. 

I think that there is a trend with some therapists looking at young "FTMs" as just that - with quotations, as they think that it's a phase and a trend with teens.  I believe that it can be a phase, but your therapist may be baiting you a bit.  He may be trying to see if you crack under the pressure and say "well, I guess you're right - I'm a girl, I was just confused".  Stick to your guns and do your homework.

[Athena]

At least let your parents know that the therapist is not able to deal with your issues. Having your parents spend money that is worthless will not endear them to your cause. 

Please forgive me if I seem insensitive or rude, apparently 1 1/2 bottles of wine does impair my judgement and I really do mean the best and wish you the best.

[aleon515]

At least let your parents know that the therapist is not able to deal with your issues. Having your parents spend money that is worthless will not endear them to your cause. 

Please forgive me if I seem insensitive or rude, apparently 1 1/2 bottles of wine does impair my judgement and I really do mean the best and wish you the best.

Well doesn't sound rude to me, and I have no idea what you're like when sober. But this makes tons of sense.
Your parents shouldn't waste their money on worthless and potentially harmful therapy.

--Jay

[Ryan1995]

I'll tell my parents tomorrow that he's not the right therapist for me. Hopefully, they won't make me continue to see him because I could potentially end up on medication that I don't need. I don't want him trying to convince my parents I have a personality disorder anymore.

[Jamie D]

I am reasonably sure that you have a patient/therapist right to confidentiality, and that YOU can exclude your parents.  A good therapist will explain to your parents that this is not "family therapy," and that confidentiality is essential if you are to make progress.  No therapist worth their salt would make a diagnosis based on one tainted session with the client.

That assumes your therapist is licensed to practice in the State.  We have had members here get referred to unlicensed church-based therapists, and that is always a disaster.

By exercising your right to confidentiality, and prohibiting the therapist from reporting anything at all to your parents, you can actually have an open and productive session.  The therapist would be obligated to report homicidal or suicidal ideations, in most cases.  If the therapist is still a dickweed, then move on.

[randomroads]

I agree with Jamie. This is coming from a guy who's had over 10 years of professional therapy.

[Mosaic dude]

Whoa!  This "therapist" sounds totally incompetent.