So many times I hear from girls who are terrified that their mood swings and GID sometimes become very intense, and it scares them. So let me tell you about yesterday morning.
I woke up a little before 6am with a horrible lonely and unloved feeling. I began to cry, and it didn't stop no matter what was done. A few times I wished I'd be killed by some horrible disaster just to end the memories from a lifetime of suffering, hiding, embarrasment, and torture from a false life. The tears and memories didn't stop for six hours, and every time a little control was gained something else would bring up a memory and the tears would start again. YES, SIX F'ing HOURS. This was the worst breakdown in 10 months, but I kept trying to keep in mind that it would pass.
So just before noon Eastern Time I got in touch with a couple girls back in California for a little support. They were at a party the night before, but took the time to talk, and that's all it took to smooth out my mood. After those calls the day went on, and with no more tears. Oh there was still a little remorse about my past, but after those calls I went back to knowing "what's important is what's ahead".
Today is bright and sunny, and I've put yesterday behind me. These mood swings happen, and sometimes their absolutely horrible. I know they're set off by fatigue, lack of sleep, or hormone levels from injections, and I'm usually prepared. But even after more than a year on HRT there are still those days when I need a kind voice.
So my advice to you girls is to find someone you can call, email, instant message or anything else. Make some contacts and make some friends, even if you never see them and it's just over the internet. The best remedy yet is to have someone who personally knows transition, and can relate to us on that basis.
Take care girls. It really is a good morning again.
Kathy
