The voice in my head does not inspire me much

[Lesley_Roberta]

What use is a billion answers to a billion questions, if none of it actually helps me in my life eh?

People scoff at my assertions, and why not, I often wonder about the worth of those assertions myself.

An opinion is after all not worth much under fire, opinions are not subject to peer review and the fact checking usually is a joke.

I have no local to me to discuss the matters that bother me, no one that has been there and thus has first hand experiences.

All I have is the voice in my head, and I am not so sure that voice has any answers of use. Not entirely certain I like half the ideas in my head either. Some of it comes off sounding half baked.

I'm tired of groping around in the dark here.

[Lesley_Roberta]

I am still very bummed out feeling here at the end of the day, but, I don't want the thread to sound too negative ie I am not in danger of doing anything rash beyond maybe getting moody and going out to buy some chocolate.

Some of the things I do in my day, I just wonder, am I making logical choices? Or am I just buying into a dumb idea because I have no one to tell me it is dumb. Dumb idea ie rush my schedule on getting a hair solution, or how I am managing my sex life, or my obsession with how I can't wear a skirt until my waist is a magical number first.

Now if I were spending all day pondering paleontology I'd be ok, THAT I am an expert on.
I spent all of yesterday making model ships, but at the end of the day, I was still unhappy. Because I was still a confused person making those models.

I don't know that I am obsessive compulsive, but I am also not sure I am not. The shrink did mention a few terms I wasn't oooooverly thrilled with seeing in print. But all of my body of knowledge, it has no use for me in any of this. And no doubt the wait for my referral to result in a trip to Toronto is going to feel like forever.

I sure wish I had someone that could share a beer with me, and tell me to my face, 'for god's sake Lesley, it will happen, give it some time'.
But I don't have that person.

Sure would be nice if any that lives within a reasonable drive could come and visit me and show me I am not so far in the middle of no where that I am not the only TG for miles. Hey I will even bake you a cake, I'm told my cakes are really good too

[mrs izzy]

Lesley

I will any time sit down with my sister and pop open a cold one. And sis, it will happen, just give it your time.

I know how you feel, i am kinda here myself with out friends i can just hang out with and tell my story. Any one i could call a friend around here does not know my story and i want to keep it that way.

But yes life is always nice to have that one extra person that could hold your hand or give a hug when needed.

So sis, i give you the best i can give at this moment in time this.  I am so glad you are a part of my family.

Hugs
Izzy

[Lesley_Roberta]

Thanks Izzy.

I have a near local ie still a bit of a drive away, friend that I chat with a lot on the phone. He's been fairly good with getting used to his old buddy suddenly being different in ways he would have never imagined.

He jokes around with me, and has fun with the whole unusualness of it all. Currently is bugging me to get my sewing machine in use and get the clothes made by my own hand (he reminds me I am always claiming I can make almost anything). He likes making goofy comments with me, and it is clear he is ok with me being more closer to a girl friend now than a buddy.

But his life has been no picnic the last year either. A work accident is trying to ruin his ability to work, and so his life since last November of 2012 has been a major trial too. Otherwise I'd likely be seeing more of the visits he used to make.

I'm hoping something comes of my referral as it being in the city, maybe it will expose me to a much larger population base to work with. My home town is sometimes nice for being quiet, but sometimes that rural quietness has annoying side effects.

[JLT1]

I'm just glad the voices in my head have a sense of humor.  They come up with some of the wackiest ideas.